Christmas day eve : My sons attended Xmas dinner with their mother(The WW) and her family . My step daughter attended as well .I hear things were pretty tense .My WW had to go the bathroom 3 times to have a little cry as she was upset. Woe is her ! My sons came back to me Xmas eve at about 10:30pm . We had a great Xmas eve and day together. Christmas nigth I had to drop off my younger son at the new house . I called to let her know I was coming .I tried not to be too tense .When we pulled up the OM was in the driveway unloading something.WHY OH WHY DONT THEY GET THIS ?????? CAN THEY NOT SEE THAT SHI IS HURTFUL?????? I said goodbye to my son and walked towards the car .I was furious. I said " One day buddy ,you'll get yours" I thought I said it under my breath .I receieved a phone call when I got home telling mw that I was hurting our kids .For the first time I didnt try to make things right .I told her that " I will no longer take any blame for the damage brougth about by her selfish act .Our kids are going great and that is because of me and me alone .Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New tear Good bye!" I felt so empowered instead of feeling somehow guilty .My older son hearing the call fromt he other room was chuckling .He asked me "What the heck was the point of her phongin here" ? I laughed and said I'm not quite sure . To hell with 2009 and look out 2010 .I've turned another corner ,Pretty soon I'll be on a completely different block .

PS-I had dinner here on the 27th with my sons ,my step kids and their signifacnt other , my WW's brother's family and the WW's parents . It went sooooooooooooooooooooooo well .It was great .I am so blessed to have the support of not only my family and friends but her family as well .

Awesome! I'm so glad you're not going to try to make things easy for her. Your kids NEED to see you doing that, fighting for what's right, so THEY will know to do it, too.

Help! Details please...

Bump for LH

What's with the "Help details please" and the "Bump for LH" .I'm not sure what these mean.

I bumped this thread to the top for LH to read. She was asking about how to construct a Plan B letter.

AM

How did the tension develop? Why was OM there? What made WW phone you?

Details!

The tension was my fault .The OM and my WW live together in their newly purchased home . He had every right to be there but I would have thought he may ahve stayed out of sight for the sake of keeping the peace . My reaction was stupid but I am not over this betrayal yet .I am and he should be happy that I am in control of my emotions and didnt act out further .That was the first time i had to go to their new home and the first time I have been face to face with the OM in months . It wasnt very pleasant. As to the phone call I guess my WW has a great desire to control the situation .I didnt give her that this time and wont again.

Rod one thing to keep in mind is that regardless of how uncomfortable being in the presence of OM makes you feel, he feels twice as uncomfortable. This revelation came to me when I had to serve my WXH with court papers at his house. OW answered the door as he was not there. She was visibly crumbling in my presence, could hardly utter a complete word without stammering and, if she'd had heart trouble, she might have stroked out right then and there. After dreading the possibility of having to speak to her directly, I have to say I almost enjoyed her reaction because honestly I was polite and calm and spoke as if I was a door-to-door salesman, not her lover's exW.

I can only guess how uncomfortable he is around me as he hasnt been round me by choice since last July . My instant reaction (Im not proud of it) is one of wishing to do bodily harm to the OM. I can only imagine that he is afraid of me (Once again not proud of this ).I am afraid of how mad I get when he is present.Chritmas was the first and only time we have been face to face since the lovers met.

He probably is afraid. There's a reason why OPs avoid the BSs of the marriages they destroyed. When you think about it, people don't behave this way in a non-adultery situation. For example, you likely didn't avoid the guy who dated your high school girlfriend before you did, nor the guy who dated her next. You likely all went to the same school and it was just par for the course. In adulthood, it's less likely you would come across previous BF/GFs (or ex-spouses) but it happens occassionally. You don't feel afraid, nor do you feel as if you are a threat as an ex. Again, it's just par for the course. But an OP is a completely different animal. They do feel fear, whether real or imagined. Their world is based on fantasy and if they imagine you might cause them bodily harm, they react as though you really will. By not doing so, you can have the satisfaction of knowing you have the power to destabilize their fantasies. I saw this clearly that day I stood on WXH and OW's doorstep.

This is good that your emotions aren't activated. I think that a woman respects a man that keeps it together.

Hence : vent here, not there!

Had to talk to my ex as I am going away and had to arrange for housing for my older son .What a wonderful talk it was .She is bound and determined to know where I am going this weekend . I told her it was none of her business , she gave up the right to know where I'm going and what im doing when she left .She told me that she needed to know for the sake of our children. I told her they will always know where I am and will always know how to get hold of me. She told me that we are still connected because of our kids.I told her that my kids are my family and that's it.She told me I was being immature with this secretive crap .I told her that she had played in a much bigger world of secrets so there is no comparison . She then went on to ask when I booked my holidays .I told her I would be away the a week in June .She wanted ,once again ,to know where I'd be .Once again I refused .I told her it was none of her business .She then ranted that she would be talking to her lawyer and it would be part of the separation agreement that we each know where the other is . Holey $%$%%SHE IS TRULY ^&*((((in THE HEAD . WHAT A CONTROL FREAK . After that I calmed down and sat with the boys and watched a movie "The Blindside" .How ironic The Blindside for ^&&& sakes .wow . Pretty funny .This ends my rant.

That's really funny, rod.

You watched the Blind Side at home? Isn't it still in the theaters? What a wonderful movie, by the way.

[t/j]

I just noticed that one of the Showtime channels is currently airing a movie titled, "The Cake Eaters" (2007).

[/t/j]

I got a letter from my lawyer .It appears the WW has agreed with my terms in our separation agreement finally .This is a good thing but also feels sad and just wrong .The end is near.A new day approaches but so far the sun has not risen on my new world.

Im struggling this morning with my pride .My step daughter told me that she and her fiancee have decided to give her mother (My WW) a break and go to dinner at the "New" house with the OM present .My head knows that this is a good thing but my heart and pride are not on board .I need a good hard kick back to Wake Up and smell the Coffee Land" ! It has been serving my pride to know that no one wants anything to do with the WW . I talk a good game saying that I want the kids to have a relationship with her but my heart thinks differently.

Sorry to hear that. But you're right, you will have to move on. Maybe this is the wakeup call.

I know it hurts, bud, but those are her biological kids. They're eventually going to stick by her, regardless of her failings.

In many ways, your step kids will fall out of your life much the same way she is.

You'll have your day. She'll come to you with regrets over all of this someday, but you'll likely have long since moved on and are grateful she is no longer in your life. You'll get there. It takes a few years, but you'll eventually get there.