I have been active socially during most of this past 2 years largely due to my involvement in a separated/ divorced support group and the social outings generated by and with the members .I have many female friends through this group .I actually went on my first "date" with someone from outside this group .I am becoming comfortable in my new single world .I no longer have the "need" to fill the void in my life with someone other than myself .I have been truly blessed with 2 great children.My older son despite not wishing to associate with his mother is an honor student in grade 10 , a star high school soccer player and the school "piano man " in the school jazz band ,school choir and in his own band with his schoolmates.My step children still stand by me in a supportive role. Life is good despite the immoral act of my ex .I have edged towards forgiveness but havent got there as of yet.

I keep on getting the feeling that you are guilty for leaving you (I've no idea whether I am right). I think it's because of your continual negative reaction to her decision.

She made the decision, God will deal with it. Do not let it kill you else you have lost twice. First your marriage and second your life.

I am glad that you have social contact. This needs to help construct a confident you. Do you support your musical son. This is another wonderful area for expression. By the by, I believe jazz is a creative area. I would love my son to play the piano in this art form. Unfortunately married life prevents my focusing on concert visitation.

In this, you are fortunate!!

Not even sure how to react.I ,in my opinion ,am not and do not feel guilty for her leaving.That I leave up to her if so chooses.I will always have a negative reaction to her decision as I dont see it as a positive .This revolves moreso around the pain she inflicted on our chilren with her decision.I have no doubt that God will deal with her and am pretty sure that he already is.
As to the music...I cant imagine being where we are today as far as healing without music through which we both expressed our pain.Both my older son and myself play piano and guitar .My younger one is just starting on the piano .I feel I support my sons in everything they do.

Thanks for the reply Rod,

I used to mangle a guitar myself. My Muso friends say that the Pianist always ends up with a good woman. Thankfully my guitar never captured my lovely lady.

Its marking time for me tomorrow (College year end exams) so I've got to bow out of MB for at least a week.

Regards

Here's my year end update ...And the effects of the "Bomb" continue...... Karma can be a [censored]! Seems my ex's new hubby just lost his low paying job prior to Christmas .It appears their new dream house with its very large mortgage will have to paid for out of my ex's meager income .Money is not everything but collectively their incomes dont equal mine alone and I didnt go out and buy a new dream house! My ex still struggles with the recent onset of Type 2 diabetes .She has has heart problems lately and has blacked out on a number of occasions unexpectedly. She recently asked if I could send her a copy of her resume off of my computer .Oh damn I deleted that . She also demanded that I increase my child support amount as she was having a hard time with the bills .I respectfully declined .
Her Christmas Eve celebration was limited to our youngest son as the other 3 children still want nothing to do with her and this man . Our youngest son had a melt down on New Years Eve as he wanted to be with me and his brother and not with her and this guy.
The words God Bless her seem cheap after all that but I do not wish that she be in this mess .Alas .....you make your bed you lays in it !
On a bright note my two sons ,my two step children and myself are doing well .We all enjoyed time together during the blessed season.
Life goes on !

On a scarey note...my ex sister in law ,despite me not wanting to know, told me that my ex told her that she now knows why she broke up with this guy when she was 18 ......He never gives her a moment to herself and she cant go anywhere without him.He is smothering me ........
I really hope she doesnt come knocking on my door any time soon as her world is beginning to crumble around her

I do not believe in Karma. I do believe that there are consequence to actions. Your ex sounds irresponsible and she is now reaping the rewards.

Continue to serve your responsibilities wisely. May it be that God graciously deals with you.

To quote the other posters: The best revenge is a life well lived!

can still remember writing on this forum and Surviving Betrayal.com 2 years ago .It seems like centuries ago that I found myself waiting desperately for "the fog to lift". I couldnt understand how it could take so long for this person that I thought I knew to see what was for me and all others around her plain as day .The obvious truth lie right before her eyes .Why oh Why hasnt this "fog" lifted yet .This "fog of infidelity". Why oh why can't she see that she is destroying her life .I dont understand!!!!!!!
That was then !

It has now been just over 26 months since the bomb was dropped .The magic 2 years ...I kept reading about the magic 2 years for the "fog" to lift.

Her sky is by no means clear .Her vision is still very blurred but
I THINK THE FOG IS BEGINNNING TO LIFT AND THE PICTURE SHE SEES BEFORE HER ISNT VERY PRETTY.
.
Once again ....God Bless Her !

A little un-nerved as the msot recent e-mail exchanges with my ex have been oddly pleasant on her side .That has not been the case up until now .A little scared .I wasnt expecting pleasant??????

Earlier this week the two boys and I were discussing the goings on of their school days. My youngest , now 8 , commented on an previous event that brought into question his behaviour .I made the usual father comment about my expectations .I then went on to ask him what his mother thought about this . Both my older son and myself were shocked with his response . He , with some fire in his voice , quickly said " Who cares what she thinks , you know she is nothing but a two faced back stabber Dad". I quickly told him that he was not to speak about his mother like that and sent him to his room . I was shocked at his words and his demeanor. Even the fact that I dont know where he learned that expression .It isnt something I ever use .I was puzzled . I think we have a problem but moreso she has a problem with our son .

Hi sorry that i missed your post. I guess your son also has to vent.

Referring to your previous post, what makes you think that she has woken up.

Imagine ---I ,seeing through eyes wide open , see the facts :
OM- onset of health issues , alcoholic behaviour ,loss of low paying job ,owing along with my ex a large amount on their love nest ,
anger displayed by at least 2 of his 3 sons
WW-health issues involving Type 2 diabetes and sudden unexplained blackouts ,heart problems ,3 of 4 children still not wishing to be part of her life ,large debt load centering around their higly mortgaged dream home especially after her lover lost his job ,recent failure to secure a better paying job , continued existance in her low paying job .My WW recently told her sister in law "I now know why I dumped this guy when I was 18 .He si so controlling .He never lets me go anywhere without him .I cant even breath without him.he is smothering me "
Moreso her recent behavior towards me ....nice responses on
e-mails ,wishing me a wonderful fun filled weekend etc etc
I dont think the fog has lifted but I think it no longer is such a wonderful dreamy life is wionderful fog .It now smells of responsiblity .
Of course this whole blurb by me smells of "I hope she is finally regretting what she did " .
Pride is a dangerous thing whether it be hers or mine !!!

Rod - unless you want your son to have major repressive issues, you want to be a safe place for him to express his frustrations and feelings to. I'm concerned that your smack down to respect your unrespectable wayward wife will not reap the dividends you hope.

Instead, he will stuff his feelings and fail to find his words.

I think it's time for a father-son talk where you help him find more appropriate words to express his feelings and frustrations.

Kayla, I don't think they are Rod's sons showing anger but the POSOM son's (like the acorn is not going to fall from the tree).

Rod just keep loving your boy's and living a happy life. That is the revenge. And yes I think she is starting to wake up, and the fog is lifting. Her life sad to say is going to be Woulda, coulda, shoulda. In other words REGRET. Good to hear from you again.

Ouch - he very clearly stated he jumped HIS 8yo son's case:

First:All responses are appreciated.
Secondly ,not defending myself , how the events went down and how they are percieved when in written text can be a lot different .
Not included in my brief description here on MB is the fact that we ,my sons and I , talked about the source of my 8yr olds statement. His behaviour no matter the source was unacceptable.I heard his side and corrected his behaviour as that is my job as his father .

Not sure what POSOM stands for ? I do know who is represents.

I got a huge positive from my little guy this week .When putting him to bed I told him that I am proud of him (in his recent behaviour ,schooling etc) .He then sat up in bed reaching out to give me a hug .He told me that he is proud of me as well .Asking "what for" he replies "You are doing much better with "this" now Dad .I'm proud of you for getting over this mess". With a tear in my eye I tucked him in ,told him I loved him and kissed him goodnight. Before leaving I said "See Matthew ,you can get over anything if you work at it and try hard enough".

If there was a Gold medal in single parenting I just received it !!!!!!!

You are blessed to have perceptive children?

I wont ask from whose side this comes from!

In all honesty my children's amazing resilience comes from the upbringing of both his father and mother prior to her loosing her way in life .I have recently learned to accept credit for a large portion of my older sons amazing recovery (of course part being his own personal demeanor)