I got it. To WHOM have you exposed the affair? Who have you exposed? well, lets just say we know that's not the question you want answered..DUDE

Well, I haven't gotten in touch with everyone I want yet, but her sister, my sister and a friend are who knows. I finally called him and as I suspected he wouldn't answer, so I left a message and sent him and her an e-mail. What a [censored]. Anyway, heres what I sent.

I have sat by and bitten my tongue for long enough. Nan says you don't want to be involved in this......you should have thought about that before you started sleeping with my wife. What a cowardly comment.

Up until now I have swallowed my pride and fought against every feeling which says throw her stuff out and pay you a visit. My concern has been and will be for my kids. I haven't said or done anything up until now because I need to do what's right by them and I wanted to try and repair my marriage. All night long I've been trying to deal with a crying daughter who doesn't understand what's going on and why her parents are getting a divorce....... enough is enough. Sorry to bust your little fantasy bubble, but it's about to get very real for you. Time for your dirty little secret to see the light of day.

I will say this once and once only: Keep your sorted affair out of our life. I see you two talking or texting, or I even suspect you are texting in my house again, you and I wont be conversing via e-mail. I have to say, you've got some big ones talking and texting her knowing I'm here. If you want to keep them....I suggest you stop.

Never threaten. Especially when there is a witness, or one is dumb enough to put it in wrting. You have played yourself into their hands.

Now RO can be filed against you. Hurts you when you go for custody. WW can claim she feels threatened, have you remove from the house, move OM in, get full emergency custody because you are unstable.

Bad enough when the OM is screwing yourself, but a whole other story when you screw yourself.

Let's hope that the OM and WW are not smart enough to try and work this evidence into their favor.

Unfortunately some people have been working you up to act rashly.

Right way to confront and a wrong way.

He is in TEXAS...We take care of sheet down here...He will just fine.

Patriot, don't put anything else in writing. GO AFTER HER!! WORRY ABOUT HIM LATER..NUCLEAR EXPOSURE RIGHT NOW!!! DUDE

Road - I might suggest he pre-empt the R/O and take one out on OM himself since this is effectively hurting his children in their own home.

He needs to be seeing an attorney anyway, since WW abandoned the family to go be with her paramour...

Agreed. And he is in TEXAS, not some liberal pansy a state. Have you read our CASTLE LAWS DOWN HERE? Its still the ol west in some parts...DUDE

Pat45,

I see no overly threatening language here. I would not send any more emails to the low life though.

And also that your WW then called back to apologize for her angry words already has to be a good sign.... ..unless she is into total sneak mode and going underground.

This exposure hit her right where we wanted it to and she should will be thinking twice about even meeting up with OM on this trip.

Did you expose to her HR at work? They should frown upon sexually fraternizing with a vendor.

Keep up the pressure. Stay calm and speak logically when she rants and raves at you.

Stay strong and remember you are doing this for the kids!!

Remember you are on the high road and have done NOTHING wrong!!

Good job.

kirk

Okay, I posted that last note and then didn't send it.(sorry dude) I was extremly pissed about my daughter and I responded, but did not send. I thought about what some of you said and your right about not threatening. So what are you suppose to say to this guy....nothing? There is all the talk of exposure, shouldn't he here from me? What are you suppose to say "you've been a bad boy, please stop sleeping with my wife"? He is not a vendor with her company, he is an independent contractor so there is no conection through work.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW! Your vows are w/ YOUR WIFE! BLOW HER FANTASY WORLD UP RIGHT NOW! TEll everyone what she is doing including your kids! DO IT NOW! You are enabling this thing and she thinks she is running the SHOW! DUDE

Quit wasting time on a POSOM when you could be exposing to all of her family and friends and HIS parents. THOSE are the people who need to hear from you. THEY are the ones who can shine light on their nasty crap.

Pat,



Dear Lord in Heaven!! Guess who has been involving other people in your lives? Sometimes, I laugh until I cry when I read what some of the WSs say.

Pat, hang in there.

JL

Pat,

I forget if he works with your W if he does you expose to his work. If he is married you expose to his W. If you know his family you expose to his family.

However, exposure is not about punishment. It is about reaching out. Your family, her family, your friends, her friends should know about the affair. Your exposure should be seeking their help in ending the affair so that you two can try and save this marriage and protect the kids. You need to do all of this NOW. She will spinning to all of her friends and family that you are nuts.

The others are right. You never threaten. You never say "or else". You never put stuff in writing that can be used against you. What you do is...DO what is necessary to protect your family, you, and hopefully your marriage. You see a lawyer and get things rolling. You seek counsel with clergy or someone you trust. You investigate your boundaries. See where they lay, and you protect them. Not with threats but actions.

You can tell your W, I have my boundaries and limits and when you cross them I will respond. No more, no less.

You are not playing to win the darned battle young man. You are playing to win the war, and that may mean she is left for dead on the field. She is playing with the enemy now and so you have to treat her as such.

It is my hope that the she will see the light and change what she is doing, but she sounds very full of herself and apparently has little respect for you. Until that changes,you are at war, win it!!!!!

That means marshalling all of your resources, legal, emotional, financial, and moral. Then develop a plan to use these resources as warrented.

Dude's scorched earth approach sounds appealing, but what Harley has found time and again, is that scorched gets you...scorched earth. Not what you want no matter how appealing the thoughts are. You need to firm, tactical, relentless, and focussed on the process and the plan.

Get to work.

God Bless,

JL

Okay all: I did like you said, I called everyone I could, messaged all his Facebook freinds and got the ball rolling. Her response was exactly what I thought. She went BALISTIC. Her parents called her, freinds called and they all said the same thing that she needed to decide and what she was doing is wrong. She called me and said when she gets back, she's filing for divorce. She hates me and never thought I would do something like that. I asked her how long she thought I was going to wait She said she was sitting in her hotel room Sunday night crying and thinking how she wanted to try and work things out. Now there is zero chance anything can be done. I said if he was going to be there on Tuesday and you were thinking that on Sunday, why didn't you call him and say.... don't come? No answer. She's worried that her father thinks she's a two bit wh..re and everyone else is going to judge her. She threatened me about losing the kids and how I am going to pay for this. I only said I know your angry and you may not believe it, but I am trying to fix things. I asked her how long she thought I was going to sit by and do nothing. She said I only asked for some time to sort it out and you couldn't do that. I said last week you were with him and you came back and said "I can't decide" Now this week, then in two more weeks, I had to do something. She has gone way over the edge. I notified about 20 people on his facebook page and few responded to me saying how sorry they were. I went back, and he had shut it down so he got the message. I have not heard from her since I did that, so I'm sure they are sitting together having a great talk at my expense. F-them. So now the fun begins. Her Mom and dad told her (I'm sure that was hard to take) that if they were called to testify, or present there opinion in a custody case, they would support me. I have no idea what to expect when she comes home on Thursday.

YOU ARE RIGHT! F-THEM! Now how strong do you feel? You are running this f show now! DUDE

Awesome!

Just remember that we could have quoted to you EXACTLY what she said, before she said it. They ALL say those things. 'I was JUST thinking of coming back to you, and NOW you've ruined it.' Or 'NOW I'm going to divorce you.' Or 'You've ruined your chances.'

Always the same.

It all means that it's working. Her A is no longer the fun, sexy, exciting thing it once was. Now it's her entrance into Loser Hall of Fame, and she hates it.

And thank God for her parents! You ought to send them a cookie bouquet or something.

You've made the best possible chance for getting your family back by doing this.

We'll see. If there is anyone out there with advise on restraining orders, I would appreciate it. My concern is she may try and close the account on us. I work part-time, but most of the income is hers. Do I get a restraining order, or wait and see and get one later if needed. Any advise as on how to handle her divorce demand? No Dude, the Castle Law does not apply here.

She is not going to do anything. You just blew up her fantasy world. Call her and talk to sweet to her. She better not touch your bank account. If you are in Texas you own half of everything. You are covered my friend. Stay strong, have faith...DUDE

Hi Pat,

Are you having a good day? You should be. First, you shined a very bright light on the goings on of your W and they are scattering like cockroaches. Her comments are literally word for word what we have read here over many many years. It means she is hurt, she is afraid, she is anxious, she is frustrated and all of those primary feelings come out as .... ANGER. She cannot be anger at herself, because after all this was just fine with her. She cannot be angry with OM because...after all he is the love of her life, right now.

What she will come to see eventually, is that this is all her doing and she is the one that must face it. What her folks see, and you see and apparently even OM's friends see, is that their little affair has harmed many many people, hence you are getting at least moral support.

You have done well. You marriage can survive her anger, it cannot survive the affair. You drove a stake through the snake and it is wiggling and hissing and trying to bite you. But, it will die

Hang in there, be a good dad to your kids, keep hoping for that job, and really really understand that you did the right thing.

God Bless,

JL

Normal WW response to fake anger. Proving exposure is working. Best to heed the sane veteran poster's such as JL. catperson, melody lane, etc... here then letting rabbid RA artists leading you into trouble.

No reason to get a restraining order. Why do you think that you need one?