Call Mommy and Daddy!!

Intelius + Phone number = Parents name/address/number

Parents name/address/number X respectful call from you = Dead affair

http://www.intelius.com/

Yes she will be mad, just like any addict who has there drug taken away.
IT WILL PASS!!

If I got a call from a man, saying my 19 yo son was running around with a 28 yo MARRIED woman, I would FLIP OUT. Oh, yesiree, I would definitely be that BS's ally! Hooeee, would my son ever get it from me!

Plans A and B in my sig.

By the way, QUIT TALKING RELATIONSHIP TALK to your wayward wife (WW) right now. Be fun to be around. Be attractive. She's not in any frame of mind to talk about relationship stuff. Wait until she is (weeks). For now: Plan A and expose. No relationship talk. No expectations. Just do it.

Well his cell phone is in his mom's name (at least that's what it looks like). Tried the white pages, but couldn't find a phone number that matched her name....

Ohh, boy

http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
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http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.intelius.com/


And just in case you missed it
http://www.intelius.com/

Yeah...that's what I used. There's a crap load of people with her name, but in the relationships it doesn't show his name.

Start calling each one of them. "Hello, is this Jane Doe who is the mother of Johnny Doe? I have very important information that I need to give to her. Oh, it's not? Sorry to have bothered you." Click.

"Hello, is this Jane Doe who is the mother of Johnny Doe? I have very important information that I need to give to her. Oh, it's not? Sorry to have bothered you." Click.

"Hello, is this Jane Doe who is the mother of Johnny Doe? I have very important information that I need to give to her. Oh, it's not? Sorry to have bothered you." Click.

"Hello, is this Jane Doe who is the mother of Johnny Doe? I have very important information that I need to give to her. It IS? Mrs. Doe, my name is sboisvert, and..." take it from there.

Well this is kinda interesting.... Last night at church (we arrived separately) one the priests we both have been talking to, his wife asked my wife to dinner tonight. Consequently, the priest just asked me out to dinner tonight.......Different restaraunts....

So I talked to my wife on the phone last night. And we somehow got on the subject of our marriage. I asked if she wanted to save our marriage and she said part of her wants to but a part of her doesn't. I asked her what part of her doesn't and she replied "that part that doesn't want to get hurt again." She told me a few days ago that it would be so easy to come back home but she was scared that things will go back to the way they were. At the same time she says that she sees the changes that I'm going through and that she's seeing the me that she fell in love with.

I'm not sure how I can alleviate her fears. I can't promise that there won't be pain in a reconsiliation of our marriage, because I know that there will be disagreements at times. She's coming over tonight for dinner, so I was thinking about talking to her about creating a plan to restore love to our marriage. Filling out the emotional needs questionaire and discussing with her the issues we've had in our marriage and how we can resolve them.

We have an appointment on Tuesday with our marriage counselor, this will be the third time we've seen her together (I've seen her a few times on my own, wife has seen her once on her own), the first two times didn't go well. So needless to say I'm a little apprehensive about this one. The counselor wants to discuss setting goals with us. I'm not sure how we can discuss goals if she's not made a committment yet to save the marriage. She has agreed to go to a 3 day marriage workshop in February so she's made a partial committment.

Even when we pray together at night (last night we prayed on the phone) she prays for God to watch over our marriage and to help us find the love we once had. So I guess I'm a little confused, maybe I'm just getting my hopes up, but it sounds to me like she's starting to realize our marriage might be worth saving. The only thing stopping her is the affair and fear of being hurt again.

Don't let her manipulate you like this. She is putting all the burden on you - 'the part of me that doesn't want to get hurt again' my a@@. She is equally responsible for the state of your M. She needs to do equal work - not sit back and claim to be a victim of the M.

Here are the facts: Your M hasn't been the best and you both need to work TOGETHER to make it better. Having an A does NOT make it better!

BTW, MC while an A is in progress doesn't do much good.

Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with that I'm not the sole problem in our marriage. I know that we need to work together to solve the problems. She knew I was suffering from depression but never said anything other than "My Dad thinks you need to be mood enhancers." She never just came out and said I think your suffering from depression and should go see a doctor. Plus her inability to come to me when we did have problems, for fear that I might get mad.

Hence the reason why I want to start putting a plan in action as soon as possible, set goals and begin restoring the love back into our marriage. Goal #1 is to end the affair, Goal #2 is to identify the issues and create a plan to resolve them, Goal #3 is execute the plan and return love to our relationship. I just need make her feel more comfortable in talking about our feelings to each other. When we were in Oklahoma for Christmas, I thought we had a bit of a break through in that area, as we were really talking one night. The talking led to kissing, the kissing led fondling, and eventually making love. But we haven't gone down that road since she came back home. She seems to be somewhat standoffish when it comes to anything physical or emotional. If we start to talk about feelings, she says it's making her uncomfortable and she changes the subject.

Don't talk relationship talk right now.
Get your love busters in check.
THEN reassess.

She's given you TONS of things you can act upon, right now. Re-read this short thread and see what she complained about, especially the ones you acknowledge (because some complaints will be nothing more than fog babble from her). Wherever you see a legitimate complaint, or a complaint that pre-dates her affair, that is something you need to fix right now, and it needs to be a permanent change.

Don't tell her you're fixing things, let your actions speak for themselves.

Don't expect immediate results. It takes months and years for a marriage to disintegrate; likewise it takes months and years to rebuild it.

Did you find Mommy and Daddy and call them yet?

No luck yet...

Call all of them.

One has to be them.

Working on the list. Didn't have much time last night though, only got through a few. Probably won't be able to call any tonight, as WW is coming over after work. Don't know how long she'll stay.

If you really want to achieve your GOAL#1 You will EXPOSE right NOW. No excuses. The affair HAS to end BEFORE you can do anything to try and R your M.

Read up on Plan A and DO IT. Part of Plan A is EXPOSURE.

You are getting GREAT advice here from the vets and all you have to do is ACT.

I've all ready exposed it to her parents and our friends (including our priests at church). I've also talked to OM. I'm having trouble tracking down OM's parents, I have list of 84 names/numbers to call. Her father is on my side, but says he will support her whatever the outcome. Her mother on the hand I can't trust, but says that she'll do what she can to save our marriage. Friends are trying to help, but as most of them are ministers at our church, they're bound to "secrecy" or whatever its called. If I say something to the priest he can't say anything to WW even if I tell him it's OK.

Nothing panned out..... Kid is only 19, so he doesn't even have any records on Intellius. Parents home phone must be in Daddy's name, which I don't know.

I keep seeing posts about the NC Letter, but no real description of what it is. Is this something she would write and sign or is it something I write and she signs it? We have an appointment with the MC tomorrow, so I was thinking either she agrees to NC or I implement Plan B.

With Plan B, do I totally cut her off, i.e. financially? Right now she's staying in a hotel, which I paid the first week of. She has a job, but no insurance and wouldn't be able to afford the hotel. There was an apartment she was looking at that she originally wanted me to lease before she came back that she could afford. I put my foot down and told her I wasn't putting my name on a lease for her, that I wasn't going to be responsible if she didn't pay her rent. So I told her I'd get the hotel (extended stay) and she agreed.

Other problem is she does have medical issues and sees the doctor frequently. Do I remove her from my insurance as well, seeing that makes me financially responsible? I'm not even sure that's legal with out a formal separation or divorce.