Is she reporting what the councillor said?

We have a comment for heresies out here... Show me the line and verse from Scripture.

Can he do this?

I don't really know with her. This is a very cold, and bitter person. She twists everything into what she wants. I say "How are you" and she hears "screw you". She has even turned on her own family which I thought I would never see. What she told me may not be the full truth or the full intent but it was close enough to validate how she felt and made her feel good.

There is a big part of the day that I think divorce is the right thing, because she is definitely a different person than who I married and quite a bad person at that. She feels that leaving the marriage will solve her issues.

Isn't this what they all say?

Did I mention that she is not thinking rationally. Of course, I guess most of us here live with that.

ark, Plan B is your answer. File for divorce, get her out of there and then go into a dark Plan B while you drag the divorce out. She is either having an affair or is hoping to have one. That is the only explanation for her fogged out mind.

I wouldn't send her any letters. Tell her you have no interest in remaining in a loveless marriage and tell her you can't live like this. You are willing to forgive her for her affair ONLY IF SHE COMMITS TO REPAIRING THE MARRIAGE. Otherwise, you are not interested.

If she can't commit to this marriage, then you want a divorce. When you tell her this, be sure and let her know you have no desire to be her "friend." [she will want this so she won't feel so guilty about destroying your marriage]

I think she believes you are a doormat who will accept her under any condition, even if it means tolerating her abuse. You need to disabuse her of that notion, ark. Part of the reason this is so bad is because you have not been direct and firm with her, IMO.

sitting around waiting for her to see the error of her ways while you die a death of a thousand cuts is not a solution. Nor does it inspire respect from her. You have lowered the bar for her, ark.

You are right. I've tried being nice. It's not working and now that my last hope of someone reaching her appears to be exhausted, I am ready to go. Trying to get things in order as we speak and figure out a few things.

Thanks.

Can we help?

Which is why I said tell her you're willing to go along with her counselor as long as SHE goes along with YOUR counselor. What have you got to lose? She already has convinced herself you are worthless.

I would make sure I add that to my Plan B letter.

And we all know this is 100% fog bs. As you know, this is NOT the real woman you know. It's an addict, addicted to the chemicals that make her 'feel' for once in her life.

I don't know. I guess if I were in your shoes, and everyone feels the same way you do, I would push for an intervention - EVERYONE in her life to get together and do a last-chance all or nothing. Sure it might push her over the edge and away from everyone.

But isn't she already there?

It's just possible that seeing everyone in her life there - facing her, showing her what she is throwing away - including her kids, something might finally click.

All of her family did that. Her response was that nobody cared how she felt, they just wanted to push their opinions of what she should do. Then she said, now I know how they are and I'll deal with it. She is infuriated with me for telling them she was seeking divorce.

Her "friends" are feeding her and giving her strength to do the wrong thing.

I've been getting my Plan B thoughts down on paper.

Well, made it through Christmas. The kids say that they had the best Christmas ever. I had the worst.

Finally found the other guy. High school boyfriend from Facebook that she hooked up with a couple of months after we started recovery from affair #1. I couldn't find anything because she was using her work phone to carry out her 2d affair this year (2 different guys). Of course, she loves him. I knew the fog was from something, just had to wait for her to slip up.

Interesting that the YMCA (a Christian organization) didnt care that she was using their assets and paid time to carry out her affairs.

So I guess now it is Plan D.

What's going to happen with the kids?

You file first, if it is your desire to divorce her.

That is my fear.......She wants custody but is clearly making less than poor decisions. Affair #1 was with an alcoholic. She also neglects them a lot while she is lost in the fog. I don't want a messy custody battle though, especially since adultery doesn't seem to sway the courts.

Why file first? Is there a benefit to that?

Yeah. If you want a divorce.
The only advantage you may have from filing first is the element of surprise. By being the first to file, you may prevent your spouse from hiding assets that should be included in the settlement. You may also have the upper hand as far as being prepared.

arkhawk, will she move out willingly? Or does she want to stay there and carry on her affair from the comfort of home?

I thought there was a possibility of the other man coming back into the picture but I didn't foresee a different other man.

She wants a divorce now.