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On your first thread, Catperson gave you a BUNCH of ideas.
Have you done any of them?
Here, print out this list, and sit down with your spouse and find some things you can start doing together. If you achieve your 15 hours a week together - and these are some great ways to spend that time to get the in love feeling back - your feelings will start changing.
Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like �52 great invitations to sex� in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don�t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions
Go online for your city and look up 'activities' and 'family' and maybe even 'free' if your city is big enough; subscribe to those websites and go there every month to look for upcoming activities you can all do together; you can find plays, music events, art things, sports things, picnics, etc.
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What specifically was bad advice? I'm ok w/ marriage builders. Why can't we have a lot of opinions, then the others can have all the information to make the best decision for them, even if its not marriage builders, per se. DUDE
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Dude,
It's taken everything in me not to point out just how bad your advice on this thread has been...Can I ask you something? It's very obvious that you haven't worked this program or even bothered to read one of Dr. Harley's books...You likely haven't even read all the free articles here...It's crystal clear that you don't have a lot of confidence in Marriage Builders, so why do you stick around?
Mrs. W Maybe he's getting paid a commission by the American Divorce Lawyers Association.  Stick with us newbie...MB CAN and WILL help you and your husband recover this. I'm very glad you are on board with your recovery and seeking out help...such ACTION says something. This place is great. Mr. Wondering p.s. - how old is your child/children?
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I want some friends and family shares or I'm going to the SEC! DUDE I realize that you think you are being funny, but this thread is about a marriage that is in serious crisis - calypso has been CLEAR that the intentions of she and her husband are to SAVE their marriage using MARRIAGE BUILDERS. If you have something to add that will help them in THAT goal, then great...If not, then I would hope that you would respect the seriousness and gravity of this situation and step aside... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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"The OM doesn't live in our town anymore. We were co-workers at the time of the A."
Are you co workers now. When did you stop being coworkers.
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[quote=MrsWondering]Dude,
It's taken everything in me not to point out just how bad your advice on this thread has been...Can I ask you something? It's very obvious that you haven't worked this program or even bothered to read one of Dr. Harley's books...You likely haven't even read all the free articles here...It's crystal clear that you don't have a lot of confidence in Marriage Builders, so why do you stick around?
Mrs. W I think sometimes MB is not the way to go, sometimes it is the way to go. Some marriages shouldn't be saved while other should be. Alot of the MB alumn say saving your marriage is THEIR(BS) choice, but them try to guilt them into saving their marriage at all cost and much BROKER in some instances.(Chailover comes to mind) So why not DEBATE the marriage scenarios on here and give everyone's input a chance to see the light of day. OR IS THIS LIKE POLITICS? Only the dems and repubs(ONE IN THE SAME, DIVISIVE TACTICS) can join the presidential debate? What would Ron Paul think if he were to read this? My fwxw and I have a great R, so I feel my voice should be heard. DUDE
Last edited by Dude007; 01/18/10 06:54 PM. Reason: quotes
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Mrs W
Don't encourage Dud(e).
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What specifically was bad advice? I'm ok w/ marriage builders. Why can't we have a lot of opinions, then the others can have all the information to make the best decision for them, even if its not marriage builders, per se. DUDE This... If you think you can't love him like you should, it would be more honorable to let him go THE FIRST PHRASE OF THAT SENTENCE WOULD APPLY TO EVERY WS IN EARLY RECOVERY AND ENCOURAGES HER TO JUST GIVE UP AS THOUGH IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S NOT AND YOU KNOW IT. Further... THE HONORABLE THING TO DO IS TO TRY. THE HONORABLE THING TO DO IS TO SEEK OUT HELP. THE HONORABLE THING TO DO IS TO FIND A PLAN AND APPLY IT. SHE JUST GOT HERE FOR PETE'S SAKE. Besides...this woman indicated she's a Christian in her first post. As such, she has no biblical grounds to "just let him go". Unlike her husband, recovery is her only option. Perhaps "HE" (her BH) can "just let her go" but not vice versa. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Mrs W
Don't encourage Dud(e). Oh, cmon TheRoadtoRuin. You guys want me here, you don't really want to stifle me or knock me off the forum. Sometimes just saying things gets people to think!  Remember All in the Family(Archie Bunker). What a great show! DUDE
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She doesn't want to let him go. You and I both know it, so thats not up for debate. I said that to get her thinking about HIM, not HER!! DUDE
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What specifically was bad advice? I'm ok w/ marriage builders. Why can't we have a lot of opinions, then the others can have all the information to make the best decision for them, even if its not marriage builders, per se. DUDE Hmmmm...You know there are a lot of infidelity boards where that IS the goal...Here though the goal is to LEARN MARRIAGE BUILDERS...That is the sign on the door after all...There are other sites without programs and plans... Why I think your advice here is bad? Oh because I think you are under the mis-impression that all BHs would prefer their freedom to pursue some "new strange"...And because it's clear that you didn't consider your children at all in your situation - your own ego was more important - till this day you think YOUR LIFE is just AWESOME - you get many of the benefits of being married, without much of the responsibility...WHOOPEE - you get your house to yourself - a larger bank account - a fancy car - and what do your children get? They still get a broken home...For you to point the "selfish finger" at anyone else is rather galling... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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What specifically was bad advice? I'm ok w/ marriage builders. Why can't we have a lot of opinions, then the others can have all the information to make the best decision for them, even if its not marriage builders, per se. DUDE Hmmmm...You know there are a lot of infidelity boards where that IS the goal...Here though the goal is to LEARN MARRIAGE BUILDERS...That is the sign on the door after all...There are other sites without programs and plans... Why I think your advice here is bad? Oh because I think you are under the mis-impression that all BHs would prefer their freedom to pursue some "new strange"...And because it's clear that you didn't consider your children at all in your situation - you own ego was more important - till this day you think YOUR LIFE is just AWESOME - you get many of the benefits of being married, without much of the responsibility...WHOOPEE - you get your house to yourself - a larger bank account - a fancy car - and what do your children get? They still get a broken home...For you to point the "selfish finger" at anyone else is rather galling... Mrs. W That was mean. Ok, some truth to it. I'll try harder to tow the MB line. DUDE
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Road...I hear ya man!
Dude, in order to do that though you will have to LEARN Marriage Builders...Which book do you intend to start with?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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[quote=MrsWondering]Dude,
It's taken everything in me not to point out just how bad your advice on this thread has been...Can I ask you something? It's very obvious that you haven't worked this program or even bothered to read one of Dr. Harley's books...You likely haven't even read all the free articles here...It's crystal clear that you don't have a lot of confidence in Marriage Builders, so why do you stick around?
Mrs. W I think sometimes MB is not the way to go, sometimes it is the way to go. Some marriages shouldn't be saved while other should be. Alot of the MB alumn say saving your marriage is THEIR(BS) choice, but them try to guilt them into saving their marriage at all cost and much BROKER in some instances.(Chailover comes to mind) So why not DEBATE the marriage scenarios on here and give everyone's input a chance to see the light of day. OR IS THIS LIKE POLITICS? Only the dems and repubs(ONE IN THE SAME, DIVISIVE TACTICS) can join the presidential debate? What would Ron Paul think if he were to read this? My fwxw and I have a great R, so I feel my voice should be heard. DUDE You do understand that MB is NOT "marriage at all costs" though, right? Have you even bothered reading Dr. Harley's newsletters "When to Call It Quits?"? Dude, PLEASE avail yourself of AT THE VERY LEAST the free articles here... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Road...I hear ya man!
Dude, in order to do that though you will have to LEARN Marriage Builders...Which book do you intend to start with?
Mrs. W HNHN...I PROMISE I'LL READ IT, but I still get to say some jokes on here. NEWBIES need to laugh...DUDE
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She doesn't want to let him go. You and I both know it, so thats not up for debate. I said that to get her thinking about HIM, not HER!! DUDE So you then had to repeat the bad advice: I think if you fear you can't snap out of the high school crap, you need to let him go for HIS SAKE. Again...we KNOW she fears she can't love him. She needs/needed encouragement that she CAN fall in love with him again. It happens ALL THE TIME here when people apply the MB principles. YOU were playing on her fear. The fear she obviously came here with and was HOPING to get advice on how to overcome. AND... It is "up for debate"...many WS just give up. Some resume contact because it seems the only option whereas others just feel the recovery mountain is insurmountable or their BS will never get over it. It's NOT impossible. She CAN love him FULLY again and their marriage CAN thrive again. Mrs. W certainly thought falling in love with me again was IMPOSSIBLE. She told me so and her first threads here were on that very subject. Our daughter and I are certainly glad you weren't here then telling her to go with such "feelings" and just let me/us go. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Some marriages shouldn't be saved while other should be.
You'll never know.
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She doesn't want to let him go. You and I both know it, so thats not up for debate. I said that to get her thinking about HIM, not HER!! DUDE So you then had to repeat the bad advice: I think if you fear you can't snap out of the high school crap, you need to let him go for HIS SAKE. Again...we KNOW she fears she can't love him. She needs/needed encouragement that she CAN fall in love with him again. It happens ALL THE TIME here when people apply the MB principles. YOU were playing on her fear. The fear she obviously came here with and was HOPING to get advice on how to overcome. AND... It is "up for debate"...many WS just give up. Some resume contact because it seems the only option whereas others just feel the recovery mountain is insurmountable or their BS will never get over it. It's NOT impossible. She CAN love him FULLY again and their marriage CAN thrive again. Mrs. W certainly thought falling in love with me again was IMPOSSIBLE. She told me so and her first threads here were on that very subject. Our daughter and I are certainly glad you weren't here then telling her to go with such "feelings" and just let me/us go. Mr. Wondering Should you two be cooking dinner for her or is this time part of your weekly 15 hours cuz if it is, in ain't quality time coming after DUDE..I wouldn't think??!! DUDE
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Should you two be cooking dinner for her or is this time part of your weekly 15 hours cuz if it is, in ain't quality time coming after DUDE..I wouldn't think??!! DUDE I'm really just trying to get you to think. 
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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HNHN...I PROMISE I'LL READ IT, but I still get to say some jokes on here. NEWBIES need to laugh...DUDE This, without doubt, is one of the stupidist, most insenstive pieces of tripe I've ever read here and I've been reading here a looooooong time. Telling a BS who has only just stopped vomiting and sobbing and feeling that their heart has been ripped out that they need to laugh...... Telling a WS who is shaking with fear and guilt and wondering if their life is ever going to be whole again that they need to laugh...... But, considering the source........I'm not surpised. Calipso, I too worried for a long time whether I would get the feelings back for my H. I did. I did what others have suggested to you, spending time together, talking together, remembering old times, looking at old photographs and KNOWING I could do it.
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