I did not threatened a divorce. I told her if she wanted one, she could do it, but I am still here and trying to work on it. But there are limits. I am making plans to move ahead with my life. She now knows there are limits as to what can and will be tolorated. I never called her names. I never threatened, but I made it clear that I have options and I was not going to be used anymore. I told her I meant every word I said about trying to fix it. I told her I am a good person, a good father and a good husband. I said I may not be perfect, but I have never stepped out, I have never done anything to hurt this family and I have always supported you. I will have her diminish who or what I am. I made a sincere offer to change and try and fix things. I gave her space and time. I didn't blow up yesterday when she called angry. plan then so be it.I think this program is good, but there has to be some modifications for each personality and situation. We'll see what she says. Either way, I know I am making the best effort I can

Yes....NOW...NO MERCY!! That comment means NO FORGIVENESS..DUDE

Woohoo...this is a man's post. I like it. Smackdown for another entitled WW.

Patriot. Follow through with the divorce. Not sure where you are but I'm in CA and it's a 6-month process. That's plenty of time to change things should it be necessary/possible. It sounds like the cards are heavily stacked in your favor and your losses will be minimal.

Also, remember that while an A is a horrible, horrible thing, most judges will ignore it when it comes time for custody decisions. I haven't read thru your thread, so I don't know if there are other things your WW has done that *would* sway a judge. But getting full custody is really, really hard for a man to do. Not impossible, but hard. Just stay cool and calm and do what you know to be right.

And that's why you read before posting...

OK, you are a stay-at-home dad. Good for you. Odds are your kids *adore* you. Awesome. Custody should then be a whole lot easier to get. And you can leach off her income in the process.

What's the time between filing for divorce and judgment in Texas?

60 DAYS...

Run out to The Shack (hee) RIGHT NOW and get a couple voice-activated recorders. Keep on one you at all times for at least the next week. All her A buddies will be coaching her to trick you or to call the cops and have YOU removed from the house for abuse. Keep the recorder going at all times and download the transcriptions daily!

I think she'll come back, and you'll get your marriage back, but this next week will be vital to do right, just in case she feels trapped and stuck in moving forward with OM. If she does that, she'll try to tear you up.

I hear ya about the recorder. Her freinds are telling her just the opposite, that she needs to figure things out. The phone here rings non stop with people who have called her. She is very defensive with everyone she talks to, saying how I have been distant and drove her to that point. This has all been such a whirlwind. The OM is (according to her) extremly angry and she said "I don't know what he's going to do" F-him. When she comes home tomorrow, we'll see what she's thinking. She has tried to call several times since we spoke, but I was to angry to pick-up. Her sister just called me and said she called her. Said she was very defensive at first, but then calmed down and was a little better. I really don't know what to expect tommorow.

Oh, I must have misunderstood.

In that case cary on, be firm, but don't make threats.

And remember, you can Opt-Out of you M at any time.

OM's anger is your ally. He is making you more attractive due to contrast effect.

Work that angle. Don't love-bust, don't get angry yourself, and you may make yourself look attractive enough that she realizes life with the OM will suck.

Keep working the exposure on his side if you like, anything to make the OM madder than heck! What else can you do to poke the hornet's nest into their little love nest?

Yea, at her.

He is going to quit the affair because it is no longer worth the damage it is doing to him

pat 45 here are a few things to keep in mind and let her employer know. She is using employer funds in this affair by having her OM a the hotel when she is away on business because they most likely pay for her hotel, meals and at least some expenses. Tell your wife that she is living a fantacy wor;d because you are the one that is running the household and taking care of the childrens needs. That if she had the daily stress of normal life her OM probally would seam less atracted to her and vise versa. I think its time for an eye for an eye. Tell her you have scraped better than her from your zipper at 3 in the morning.

Agree with Cat on the voice activated recorders. They can be solid gold if your WW goes nuts - look for PSUbiker's story; his VAR saved his bacon more than once. Put the other VAR in her car where she can't find it.

If you have any electronic evidence in the form of emails, chat transcripts, cell phone records and what-not, print them out and put them somewhere safe - like your attorney's office or your parents' home. WS's will sometimes go through a flurry of trying to cover their tracks, and electronic evidence is easy to destroy.

Did your attorney say anything about safeguarding the family finances? WS's have been known to drain checking accounts, 401k's, HELOC accounts, and the spare change jar...strong sense of entitlement y'know. If it's okay with your lawyer I would urge you to lock everything down or move the bulk of the assets to privately held accounts. It's a lot easier to have the funds and play defense than it is to be in the position of trying to get the funds back.

You may consider filing first. I've heard that lets you control the pace at which the proceedings go. You can always put it on hold to allow recovery time or dismiss it altogether. Also, as others have pointed out, don't threaten...because when you don't follow through they know you were just bluffing.

Make your WW no longer worth OM's while. Hit him where it hurts. Use intellius or a PI and find his parents and siblings contact info. Contact all of them and tell them about the affair. If he comes from a decent family, they'll tell him to stop being a home-wrecker. Your WW would not be welcome at the family Thanksgiving dinner like she would have if they hadn't known. Make OM an outcast in his own family if he wants to continue to pursue this affair. This won't really withdraw love units from your wife, but it will probably cause conflict in the affair that will cause OM to withdraw love units from your WW. Put the heat on OM. Yes, your WW and OM don't work together, but maybe proper exposure to those in a small industry where a lot of people know each other will damage the affair. People don't like feeling judged, and if OM and WW feel like they are walking no one actually cares) will ruin the fantasy of the affair.

Then as DUDE SAYS BLOW HER WOLD UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLAN D with no turning back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second to exposing OM parents and it is a must to expose WW's job.

Pat,

OM is angry?? Hah! I am sure he is rolling his eyes thinking what the heck have gotten myself into. He will be gone real soon,...too much trouble.

OM is a low life that has seduced and is leading on a married woman. OM's friends must all be low lifes themselves IF they are all laughing at you. Which I seriously doubt.

Also WWs lie, so if your WW is speaking to you she is LYING to you. Do not believe ANYTHING that is coming out of her mouth right now. And that means when she comes home tomorrow, too.

Your WW's parents, siblings, and good friends are all drafting notarized letters stating what a terrible mother she is plus calling her and telling her what they think. Sounds like your adulterous wife is a real piece of work. Not too many people have any good things to say to or about her.

A little traveling princess in her own little world.

If you had to write a notarized letter about her, what good points could you make?

Stay strong tomorrow. Stay calm and logical. Everything she says will be fogbabble. There is a resouce somewhere here on replying to fogbabble which can be very helpful for tomorrow.

You are on the high road. Stay rock solid for the kids.

imho

kirk

WSs are evil, and WWs are especially evil. However, it takes at least two persons to have a really ugly conversation. Here's a suggestion - the next time she starts up with the vindictive WW babble, TAKE CONTROL of the situation and end the conversation. A simple "I no longer wish to be part of this conversation" and hanging up the phone (or walking away if the conversation is face-to-face) should do the job.

Also, I echo some of the other suggestions made here. Protect your finances, and invest in a VAR or two. Your WW apparently has the knack for saying the most evil things; it may not take much for her to attempt to other things to hurt your situation (like filing false charges to have you thrown out of your own home).

Yeah, she KNEW there was no turning back w/ that "BEST SEX EVER BS!" BLOW THIS B UP! RIGHT NOW! She will lose you AND OM, I guarantee it. That comment is UNFORGIVEABLE. Your kids will not want you to take abuse like that, I'm certain when they are grown they will tell you they'd divorce the B too..DUDE

Anyone that would go the "best sex ever" route is beyond help, IMO. Normal people know when not to cross certain lines. Once that genie re crticism of your adequacy is out of the bottle, you would need a lobotomy to get passed it.

She called and wants to do a non confrontational, no conversation about affair dinner????