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One, I'm about ready to text her the following:
"That's just being selfish."
So my real question is, do I implement Plan B now? Are you READY for Plan B? Do you have the letter? Do you have her exit planned (bags on the doorstep, etc.)? Do you have your finances secure? Plan B works best when it's implemented as a PLAN.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Do NOT text back "That's just being selfish."
Get your ducks in a row and Plan B. FAST! I'd get the Plan B letter to her before she gets to OM if at all possible. It should throw a nice lil' wrench into their tryst.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Stop wasting your time with texting...get that letter ready!
atena
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One, I'm about ready to text her the following:
"That's just being selfish."
So my real question is, do I implement Plan B now? Are you READY for Plan B? Do you have the letter? Do you have her exit planned (bags on the doorstep, etc.)? Do you have your finances secure? Plan B works best when it's implemented as a PLAN. Emotionally, no I'm not ready. But I can't stand to face her at this point. It hurts too much. I have written several Plan B letters lately (still working on it). Finances are secure, I opened my own checking account several months ago and transfered my direct deposit to it a few weeks ago. Bags are not packed, she has all the essentials, I have a intermdiary in mind, just waiting for him to call me back to make sure he's OK with it (one of the priests at our church and a good friend). As far as her bags, I'm going to put in the letter that she e-mail a list of everything she wants to take, I will pack it up and have it ready to go on xxx day. She can come by at that time with a moving van and people to help.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Never underestimate the value of a well thought out and executed plan.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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This is so something my wife would have done. Selfish and makes me want to vomit.
Send the text to your email, then print it out to save it.
I wouldn't answer, but everyone is right. She is a POS. She wants to see if there's anything "there" for him, if not she comes back. How does that make you feel? Do you think this will only happen this one time?
Get rid of her.
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If you still want her back, don't forget that you need to do a stellar Plan A right up to the moment you hand her the letter. She has to have good memories of you to judge against. Not rudeness.
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ITA, no "selfish" text. It's true, and would probably feel good, but you might as well not go to the bother of a Plan A if you're going to toss occasional Lovebusters in there, too.
Plan B comes when your love levels are low enough, or your pain levels are high enough, that you're unable to continue Plan A successfully. Sounds like you're getting pretty close, but only you know for sure if this is the right time. Give it serious prayer and consideration.
A well-done plan is priceless.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I wouldn't answer, but everyone is right. She is a POS. She wants to see if there's anything "there" for him, if not she comes back. How does that make you feel? Do you think this will only happen this one time?
Get rid of her. Do you seriously think this is any different than 97% of waywards? This M may not make it, but your advice is most definitely anti-MB and anti-hope. You've been here almost a year. Surely that's long enough to see some real miracles take place. You just can't judge the chances of success at this point, except to say that with MB methods they're pretty good.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I've been able to a little better hold of myself, after a few cigarettes (a habit I had quit for 3 years until now). We have meeting with the MC on Tuesday and I'm going to see her tonight at church as well as Friday, Sunday and Monday. MC had her pick days that she wanted to spend time with me.
I'm going to talk to one of our priests this evening and ask him to pray with me/us. I will try to avoid the issue until Tuesday when we're with the MC. I will have the Plan B letter ready by then and hand it to her then. Until then I will continue with Plan A.
My only other choice I see right now is to tell her to make a choice, because if things don't work out with him, I'm not going to be her fall back plan.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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My only other choice I see right now is to tell her to make a choice, because if things don't work out with him, I'm not going to be her fall back plan. If you are leaning this way, implement Plan B rather than give her this ultimatum. For now, do not do anything that might be construed as accepting the existance of OM. Do not engage in conversation or texting or communication of any kind about him. Use reverse babble - anything. Do plan A, then plan B. Since these thoughts are already running through your head, focus the energy on your Plan B letter and getting everything in place so you can activate it.
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Do not discuss OM any more.
Do not go plan A at this point because WW will only say that you going NC, you have left the marriage and she will the feel justified going to see the OM.
If you can't do plan A any more try to wait until she goes to see the OM. Then send her the plan B letter.
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Do not discuss OM any more.
Do not go plan A at this point because WW will only say that you going NC, you have left the marriage and she will the feel justified going to see the OM.
If you can't do plan A any more try to wait until she goes to see the OM. Then send her the plan B letter. I will continue with Plan A for the time being. I will prepare for plan B though and implement it when she decides to have him come down here (she won't go there, she can't afford it). Plus he's all ready making plans to come down here.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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I will continue with Plan A for the time being. I will prepare for plan B though and implement it when she decides to have him come down here (she won't go there, she can't afford it). Plus he's all ready making plans to come down here. Wow. And I thought my wife rubbed my nose in it by continuing to conduct the affair almost openly while living under my roof. I am speechless as to how crass and cruel your wife is being regarding you and OM.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I will continue with Plan A for the time being. I will prepare for plan B though and implement it when she decides to have him come down here (she won't go there, she can't afford it). Plus he's all ready making plans to come down here. Wow. And I thought my wife rubbed my nose in it by continuing to conduct the affair almost openly while living under my roof. I am speechless as to how crass and cruel your wife is being regarding you and OM. Yar, me too. She wants to have her cake and eat it to. The MC was kinda funny yesterday she told WW that she has her feet in 2 places, then asked "what happens when you have your feet in 2 places?" Her answer: "You piss on yourself." We have had discussions about communication (one of our problems, besides not meeting each others EN's, because she was afraid to talk to me, as when I went into depression, I had a tendancy to have a short temper and the littlest things would cause me to blow a fuse). Part of the communication discussions was being open and honest with each other, and that's what she's trying to do, and so am I. Which is the reason I called her after I called OM last night.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Also as a co-worker pointed out to me today. She has Cystic Fibrosis, which is a terminal disease (yes I knew this before we were married) so she has having these feelings of happiness when she talks to OM, and the last year has been miserable (due to depression). She knows her time is limited, especially after her recent surgery (this surgery when she was a kid meant the patient would be dead within 6 months to a year, not now though), and she wants to be happy for whatever time she has left. I don't blame her for wanting to be happy, but geeze we had 6 good years and 1 bad, due to a medical condition. I've put up with her medical condition and the hospital bills for 7 years now. She can't put up with my medical condition for 6 months?
Last edited by Tresmal; 01/20/10 03:51 PM.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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I've put up with her medical condition and the hospital bills for 7 years now. She can't put up with my medical condition for 6 months? There's no making sense of it. I had a similar case, although not as severe as CF. My wife had a number of physical conditions, including migraine headaches, that I helped her with, both financially and as a loving husband, that were present for our entire marriage. But when I had a problem with my back -- that hinted at surgery -- all of a sudden I became "damaged goods" that she couldn't handle. So what did she do? Go off with a married man who wound up needing prostate cancer surgery. Who says there's no such thing as a Karma Bus?!!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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My answer to a text like that would have been a simple statement of the truth I live with..."You can't work on a M and meeting an OM."
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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If you don't want her back if she chooses him, that's totally your choice to make.
However, the reality is that almost every single WS in the world does choose their OP over their spouse for a time. The point of MB is to first recover yourself, and second to have conditions as favorable to recovery as possible ~after~ the WS has seen that it won't work out with the OP.
In most cases that takes a while.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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One, I'm about ready to text her the following:
"That's just being selfish." Better get a check on those Love Busters. They'll ruin your Plan A.
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