Most DEFINITELY go to the bank NOW. She has a history of stealing money.

Pack up her clothes and junk and either put it on the doorstep or move it to a spare bedroom.

Do another exposure and let everyone know she is choosing to not support the marriage. Call everyone before SHE has a chance to do it and spin her web.

File a restraining order on the guy so he can't come anywhere near your house.

Fill out the Plan B letter with what it would take to take her back. Put it on top of her clothes.

And get hold of that lawyer!

{{{opt}}}

just did the money thing.
I'll expose as much as I can for the next hour or so.
on what grounds do I do a restraining order?
I'll do the clothes and PB letter while she's at work, if she goes to work....
opt

On the grounds that you are afraid for your children's safety and well-being. You have a young daughter. There is a man of questionable morality spending time around your daughter's mother. You think he is going to target said daughter, since he is making inappropriate moves toward a married woman. That's how perverts get to the young ones - through the desperate mothers.

okay Cat, got it.

I exposed to many of her friends so she can't "spin it"
they were all very supportive.

I have a realtor coming at 1:30 to assess the value of the house.

Title to my truck is secure out of the house.

I'll look at plan B letters now.

Would it be vindictive to cut off all the cable/internet service to the home - I'll tell her she can pay for it if she wants it but since it's my money now, I'll do with it as I please. TV was always a dcistraction from me and she spends more time on the internet than she does with domestic support - she can pay for that herself too.
?

I'll provide heat, electricity, and food. My kids can learn to read more and play board games. Of course I'll get myself an air card.

Cut the internet, but I'd be dayumed if I cut my cable.

Have you set up that your deposits get made to a different account? I'd make sure my employer knew that toot-sweet. If her celly is in your name, cut it now.

Optimism:

Prepare yourself for battle. This sounds like its going to get ugly. Just remember rule #1 in these situations: DON'T MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE. She may give you endless reasons why you *have* to move out. Don't buy it for a second. This is your house. DON'T LEAVE. And don't leave your kids either. They need to see that you are the strong one. That you are the one who is going to stand up to this crap. Everything you have learned about Plan A and MB is going to be your rock at this point. Be calm, be cool.

And you will survive. You may get mauled financially, but you will never starve. She's not going to get the kids full time. There is light, it's just hard to see in this state. Keep your faith strong, cuz that's where the real strength is.

Also: have a plan for how to proceed. Don't just start firing off decisions without an end game in mind. Keep the kids at the forefront of every decision you make and it will likely be the right one.

Dammit. These entitled, WW b*%$#es are really pissing me off right now.

Good luck, I'll be praying for you.

Ah, and buy a pocket recorder....just so you can prove you aren't laying a finger on her pointed little head.

Secure you money so you don't have another repeat of her taking money. Who will you use as an IM if Plan B goes forward? Do not leave your house or let her take your kids. If she will not leave are you willing to file?

Secured the money. later noticed the joint account was "blocked" - too late ww!

She's too smart to leave. She's staying in the office. I was hoping she'd just disappear!

Have an appointment with lawyer to file on Friday. 4grand. I have 2....

So, now what - do I Plan A?? I don't have anything to be ashamed about. I figure I just keep being the good parent/person/husband I am learning how to be - that's my new belief system afterall.

Do I pick her up from work at 7:30? I'm soooooooooo tempted to tell her to have her boyfriend pick her up.

Oh, I forgot to say it. NC with OM #1 was broken on Tuesday. found it on her phone.
When confronted I revealed a "source" that I was checking her phone. (had to do it). I also told her I knew she was deleting texts. It's only a matter of time before she figures out I cracked her online account and changes that PW. At this point it don't matter. I'm out if she doens't 'come to Jesus' and that aint happening.

She called my family to say "I'm worried about opt, he seems really unstable" LOL. They just about laughed in her face.

opt.

Would you take her back if she comes to Jesus? If so, keep doing Plan A.

If you're done, tell her to let POSOM pick her up. And have her clothes boxed up when she gets home.

You've totally exposed to the family, right? So the wayward can't spin the story to try to pin it on you acting unstable?

((((Opt)))),

Sorry I am late to the show!!!....(yes, I am imfamous for cracking bad jokes at inappropriate times...just ask my DD16.... )

Before I start, I wanted to let you know, when you asked the other day what you were doing wrong, I think you have done a WONDERFUL Plan A. You hadn't done any thing wrong. Most BS'S can't pull off a Plan A without SOME setbacks. You should have seen some of mine!!!! I DID have a feeling that WW was up to no good though...

Now on to the business at hand....


GOOD JOB!!!!!


You are giving her TOO much credit. Foggy, alien waywards are not using their brains!!!! EVER!!!!......IF she had been smart, she wouldn't have gotten caught today!!!!

oh, and kudos for folling your instinct!!!! If I learned ANYTHING from my H's A, it was to TRUST MY INSTINCTS!!!!


Borrow the rest if you have to. What are you filing?? Divorce, legal seperation??


No you don't have anything to be ashamed about. The shame is all on WW. NEVER FORGET THAT.

I think you should be in a dark, dark, DARK Plan B. No more Plan A. You did your part. Plus, if you Plan A at this point, she'll think nothing is amiss and that it has all blown over. NOPE....there are consequences to her waywardness. Now, she can see them.

PLUS....I don't think you are "done" yet.......I know you are mad....PO'ED....(and rightly so!!!!), BUT....Since you have talked about setting up an appointment with Steve and if that if she were to have a "come-to-Jesus" moment, then maybe,,,,that tells me you still have some deposits in that Love Bank. GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE......how????

PLAN B
PLAN B
PLAN B.....

Set up an intermidetary right away, write your Plan B letter, stating your guidelines IF she were to want to return to the marriage (and set the bar HIGH!!!!!.....VERY HIGH), and then go DARK.


hmmmmmmm......I wouldn't.....


not surprised.......and no it doesn't matter, because in Plan B, you aren't supposed to know what WW is doing, and that includes any spying. Yep, your snooping days are over....



IF....she were to have that moment, it will happen AFTER you entered Plan B and you file, and she SEE'S that you aren't putting up with her wayward wife BS any more....You are taking a STAND for what your marriage SHOULD be......I am proud of you for that....




WAYWARDS....

She is trying to turn this on YOU. Good thing you got there first.....

BTW, you have mentioned more than once about her commments on this place being a "cult"....she doesn't KNOW about these forums does she???....What have you told her/what does she know/seen as far as MB is concerned???

Hang in there.....you are doing GREAT!!!!!

and

DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING SHE IS SPEWING RIGHT NOW....NOTHING....

{{{{{OPT}}}}}}

Not2fun

Okay, you are all the best.
I'll address some specifics when I can.
I have some things to think about but I need a little sleep after DS gets home from RE. I just texted ww and said "I don't think it would be a good idea for me to pick you up tonight."
I truly believe that and I can't see anything good coming of it right now. She'll have to fend for herself.
Funny thing is she might not get my text, even though she ALWAYS gets OM's!

I don't even have a credit card - haven't used one in 10 years. But no worries, I'll get those details worked out. I might have a little "lag time" before I start Plan B; right now I feel I've done what I can to protect myself. And I know I'm doing the right thing for my kids and me and ultimately my foggy little wayward.

opt

OPT!!! Okay, even though I'm a guy, you're getting this . . . (((opt))).
Man, this sucks. You deserve better. Your WW is beyond foggy, man, she's in total FantasyLand like Disney could never have imagined.

You've done an awesome job handling all this - better than I could for sure. And while you've been fighting your own battle, I want you to know how much you have helped me.

Just keep doing the right things for you and your kids. Don't worry about WW anymore. She doesn't deserve your love.

Linus

Is this your first appt with a lawyer? Many will offer a free or inexpensive first time consult. Don't be too quick to put down a retainer. You don't even have to retain an attorney to file. Do your homework.

Get your Plan B together if you are still willing to go that route. You have to have a solid plan in place before you give WW your letter.

Make it so you need a password to access the computer. That could help--canceling internet is okay, but getting it back later if you need it is a long process.

I did the free consult with one who was recommended. I hve a meeting with her tomorrow. But I think I will cancel it. I need to scrape up some money, and I would like to look at mediation with W just to see what kind of crazy scheme she has in mind.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like there isn't much advantage in rushing things too much. It's over either way.

thanks for the tip.

opt

Thanks for the ((()))'s Linus. I'll take any and all!
opt

Yeah, I think I'm done. I thought about it a lot last night and I really think this is a good umping off point. If she has some sort of a spontaneous mind-altering change in outlook and a sense of moral reponsibility, then I might consider reconciliation. However, at this point, I really think it's best for my kids to be around her as little as possible - at this point, this seems more easily attainable through divorce. Hanging around is only going to reinforce to ww and KIDS that this deviant behavior is acceptable. That's how ww was raised - F, SF, SF, have all had affairs, most recently her F is engaged to the woman he reunited with while his current wife was dying from emphasyma!

No need to talk to Steve.

opt