If anybody can get through it will be Steve.

I think his suit is impervious to bovine excrement.

I sure hope he can because H is full of it. H is also now at the point of not speaking to me.

I don't think I will ever understand why H can choose to "care for" someone as low as OW who is willing to be "friends" in secret. I'm upset that at this point he is more loyal to his relationship with her than he is to me or our family. He's a stubborn man and I'm beginning to wonder if I should just leave and save myself any more pain and anguish.

RW,

The reason he is doing this is because they are more then "just friends". You know it, I know it. But, he tells you that they are just friends so that he can justify to himself that it is ok to keep up the EA (which I believe is PA also).

Give it another session or two with Steve H. to see if he can make any progress with your WH. Tell Steve when you talk to him that you are getting to the end of your rope and don't have much left in the tank to continue. Hopefully, he can find a way to get through to your WH.

Hang tough!! You can do this!!

Mindshare

Thanks mindshare I don't believe they are just friends and do believe they have been physical.

I'm trying to stay strong but it's hard.

H is still not speaking to me. He has not done his assignments from our first coaching session. We have an appointment with Steve this morning. We'll see how it goes.

Good luck this morning RW. Make sure that you are clear with Steve that you are running on fumes at this point so he knows where you stand.

Let us know how it goes.

Mindshare

I'm hopeless that H will "ever get it". Today he made q decision to do something afterwork without consulting me first. He's done this thRoughout the time he was keeping a second life and k ow's it bothers me. I'm NOT telling him to ask for permission I'm just asking that he be respectful enough to consider me before making decisions. He doesn't know if i would have needed him to get the baby after work. When I calmly told him that it hurt my feelings his response was the same. He didn't know he should have consulted me first. I don't think he will ever get it and I don't know whether I can sign up for a lifetime of hi doing his own thing.

He still hasn't done the assigments or mentioned them to me. I assume that he's not going to do them. Which means to me that he doesn't want to recover his marriage the right way. He's prob thinking this will blow over and we will go back to being ppl who live 2 seperate lives. I won't be happy with that.

I'm so mad I could cry AGAIN. I'm not sure what Steve said to him. I'm supposed to be avoiding any love busters but it's hard.

Anyone deal with a spouse who says they want to change but their actions prove otherwise?

I hadn't realized that I'm acting just as immature as he is. He's now mad at me for some reason. Getting him to tell me why is always like pulling teeth. Should I just act like I don't notice?

And, in the meantime, you put a GPS on his vehicle, spyware on his computer, and do whatever else it takes to make sure he's ended his A. (spy on him)

If you want to work on your M, work on your M.
You can do that and still keep an eye on him at the same time.

I just love it when someone utters such a simple truth. It deserves to be repeated. In LARGE font:

Yep, as simple as that statement is; I needed someone to say it to me. Thanks Pep and Fred.

This morning when I woke up I prayed about the situation and decided that being angry was getting me no where.

After work I'm going to stop and pick up something nice for H. I will begin treating him better than I have ever in the past. It will be hard for me not to respond in anger when he does something that I consider disrespectful but, I will be stronger for doing it. Hopefully my actions will be noticed and his actions will match up to what he says which is that he wants to work on the marriage.

RW,

Sounds like you are finally getting Plan A. That's exactly what you should be doing. You won't do it forever. Do it for a few weeks and see if you WH starts to change. If not, you might have to prepare yourself for Plan B.

Keep reading and posting. You will be just fine.

Mindshare

I was snooping and found out that H searched for OW's Twitter page on Monday night. He communicates with her at work so I have no solid proof that he has actually talked with her. Does this count as attempted contact? I'm upset but will not have an angry outburst & I won't let on that I know about this.

He didn't find her page but I know she has one because I looked on it trying to find out info about her boyfriend. Now that I say that I believe I know her BF's name! I'm going to get a FB friend to see if he's on her friends list. He's following her on Twitter and has the initials that she used in an email to WH when she was talking about the BF.

We have another appointment with Steve next week. H has not said anything about or has done any of the assignments. I did notice he read the first part of SAA. He told me this weekend that the A is not my fault, that it's his fault. I still feel partly responsible for the A.

So I've been trying to figure out who is OW's BF. Based on her twitter page I believe I found out who he is. I was not able to find a FB page for him but have found an alumni email address for him as I now know the guy I think it is went to the same University as I did. I also have found a LinkedIn page for this guy. I can not msg him on Twitter I don't think (I don't have an account anyway) but, I can msg him on LinkedIn or send an email to his alumni email address.

Does anyone think I have enough info to go by in order to contact him? He has the same initials that she uses when she refers to him in her emails to WH. The picture on Twitter looks sort of like what I remember from when he came to our church with her. The LinkedIn page refers to the Twitter account I found. If you thinking have enough info which way should I contact him? LinkedIn or his alumni email addy? I was going to use LinkedIn since you will get a notification to your email addy to let you know u have a message. My only prob is looking like a stalker since it usually for business networking.

Any tips for what I say to OWBF?

What do you WANT to say?

For starters, tell him that she's messing around with YOUR HUSBAND -- A MARRIED MAN.

And you want it to stop.

Personally, I don't believe in delving into other peoples' lives, but you might want to make it very clear to him that SHE IS CHEATING ON HIM.

Caution: if you make it too much about them and not about you and WH, you might just inspire him to end it with OW. Which could just send her deeper into the affair.

So, if nothing else, tell him OW is having an A with YOUR HUSBAND. And you want it to stop. End of story.