I have tried, but you have not answered one simple question.

Are you willing to convert your marriage to a traditional monogamous marriage?

If so it may not be to late, and we may be able to help.

But if you want to keep the "Lifestyle" you have now, we really cant help you.

A2010, we have described exactly how this happened and what can be done to fix it. You just don't want to listen.

Good luck to you.

alabama

Problem with your open marriage is that it shows your WW that you do not value her. You willingly have let multiple OM bang her for twenty years.

With you being away for up to nine months at a time has shown your WW how nice it is to have her needs met 24/7.

Who does not want their needs meet 24/7.

Your open marriage allowed you to get laid whenever you want with no strings attach sex.

Did you realize that for many women that when they have sex they tend to bond emotionally with their lover.

Only natural for WW to fall in love with her OM.

You thought you were so smart proposing an open marriage so you could have all the strange you want. So imature.

Why not find a job where you would not have to be apart? What work do you do?

I know this doesn't help at all, but WHY is it always Alabama??? Aren't trailer parks, big old dogs, and bad grammar enough??? I say this as someone from AL.

sorry

You should be.

If not for Alabama, some of us would have to drive a lot farther to buy real fireworks

I have grate respect for Alabama and her people.

I love it. It so reminds me of the town where I live, which we fondly refer to as "the other south."

Hey, we moved from North Carolina to South Carolina because NC wasn't redneck enough!

Should have moved to Boone or Blowing rock.
Then you could have been Mountain Folk (Hill Billy's) but in a clasy way.

In all seriousnes, if this guy genuinly did want help, he probably wont come back after reading digs at the greate state of Alabama.

I would actually like to try and help him.

Red neck or what ever kind of neck.

You don't put your neck on the chopping block.

You can take 'em out the the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of 'em!

Sometimes the chopping block is disguised to you as a comfy headrest.

No matter what they did in the past, if he wants to try, and is willing to turn his marriage into a traditional relationship, I am willing to help him as much as any other poster here.

I think this guy should be ignored as he is clearly seeking attention. Why would he come to a marriage building surviving an A board if he has an open M? If the two of them agree with that arrangement that's them. This board is for those of us who want monogamy and find out that our spouses have put us in an open M without our consent by having an A. He is just an attention seeking individual with nothing else to do but stir up mess (as my grandmother would say).

Alabama,

I am still confused how other people picked up that you are in an open marriage.

I will tell you straight up open marriages remind me of open minded folks. The problem with being open minded is that you have to be very careful that your brains don't fall out.

But, here is where I am worried. I am worried about giving a man advice who thinks that suicide shows the depth of love for his W. I am worried about a man that is gone for extended periods of time for "most of the marriage". I grew up in the military, a long time ago before cells, computers, WiFi, all of it, my father traveled a lot was in several wars and somehow people did not feel the need for open marriages.

But, no matter the marriage you have, prolonged periods of separation will eventually lead to loss of love, needs not being met, and finding someone that "works" better for them. An open marriage simply makes this easier to do.

Your problem is that you don't meet your W's needs and her needs have changed. What are you going to do about it?

I would also strongly urge you to seek counseling about your idea that attempting suicide is a show of love. It is a show of selfishness.

JL

Because his open M blew up in his face.


If he can see the errors of there "Lifestyle" and wants to commit to a monogamous relation ship now, you would be unwilling to help?

If that is what he is seeking then I don't really see it as being much different than a FWS seeking help because there former BS has gone wayward.

It's all really up to what he wants.

MarriageBuilders is about loving one person for the rest of your life, and establishing ground rules on how to ensure sexual and emotional fidelity for the rest of your life.

A polyamorous lifestyle, on the other hand, is much more about establishing ground rules to prevent jealousy and disaffection with the spouse; you'd be better served elsewhere if that is truly your goal.

http://www.polyamory.org/

I flirted with the idea of pursuing a polyamorous lifestyle with my wife when I discovered her affair. After several weeks of reflection, however, I realized that I would probably not be happy with such an arrangement, and neither would my wife. I began my search for something that would help me gain and ensure emotional and sexual fidelity, and found MarriageBuilders. Never regretted it.

I think A has left the building.