Good morning FRIENDS!

Hi gary44,

I'm sorry you find yourself here. I am relatively new at this but have been learning a lot about MB during the last few months. Pay attention to the advice from the vets around here.

Make it difficult for her to continue the A. Do you have the email or number of OM? Is he married? If yes, expose to the wife/relatives. You can try to hire a PI in his country to get you more information. I am sure you can find somebody over there to do investigation work real cheap. You may want to start by googling for detectives in his country.

If you need help with translation you can use online tools to translate written text. Record conversations using a VAR or flexispy in her cellphone and get somebody to translate them for you. I am a spanish speaker so I may be able to help translating text if you post it in here.

--ElCamino72

thanks camino...i know this OM is single and without means. No visa , so he can't come here. He's probably a golddigger trying to get here thru my wife. There are not many people here to expose to And i can't count on their help. My wife continues to be very nice to me and we do ALOT together. I believe here you call it cake eating. And I feel so foolish for enabling it.

There has been a recurring theme in some people's sitch that I believe may help you. No matter how ineffective you believe exposure may be, I have seen people say that that is something they regret not having done in time. My own exposure for my WH didn't have any effect except that everyone now knows that their "relationship" started as an UGLY DIRTY AFFAIR and not a beautiful love story. That pleases me. Just food for thought.

i've been reading alot. Some people say i should be Plan A. I really believe i meet almost all of my wife's EA s. She told a mutual close friend that i am an "angel". We Do cuddle in bed, but no sex for 2 months now(her choice). I feel she's infatuated with this guy who speaks her native spanish and is from and lives in the same area she's from. I think i am doing a good "carrot" part of plan a. The "stick" part is harder. At what point do i go to plan B??? I can't leave my home, i also work here. Do i ask her to leave?? Is this to wake her up and realize what she'll be without.? I think she needs to respect me. So many questions. AND ,like many here ,SCARED to make the wrong move and mess it up even more!!

No plan B yet. Plan B follows a stellar Plan A and it is only done when your reserves are low and you are about to lose your love for your W. Forget about Plan B for the moment.

Plan A is
Meeting ENs
Eliminating LBs
Expose

You keep making excuses for why you won�t expose. There aren�t many people, or whatever.

Expose to your son, to your wife�s parents and siblings.

She�ll be furious. She may threaten to leave or threaten divorce. She may say she was going to dump OM but now you�ve pushed her into his arms. Don�t listen to any of this nonsense. Her anger means the exposure has threatened the affair. The angrier she gets, the more you can cheer (inside, of course, it would be rude to cheer in her face while she�s pitching a fit).

Definitely do NOT ask her to leave or move out. You can do a more effective Plan A whilst under the same roof. If you move to Plan B that would be the time to ask her to move out. That is weeks away, if not months.

Pep is one of the best on these forums. She�s taken a lot of time to post links and ask direct questions, yet you�ve not replied hardly at all. When you have replied, it was vague.

Please go back through this thread and:
1) Read all the links folks took time to search for and post for you. Comment on them and ask questions if necessary
2) Respond to all the questions folks have asked you, especially Pepperband. Folks here don�t waste time asking idle questions. They have a purpose and you would do well to answer them so they can help you out.

Gary, I feel for you man. I'm pretty much in the same boat. My wife had told everyone I'm a great guy and has told me I deserve better, she doesn't deserve me, etc. I am as new to this as you are but please know you are not alone. Stay strong. The only lessons I have learned is that we have no control on other people, just ourselves. At the end of the day, we have to lay our heads on our pillows and live with what we have done that day.

Sorry, not making excuses. She has no parents, her sister and best friend know about the A. Her son (my stepson) is a teen and i don't feel comfortable placing that burden on him. She has her own cell phone with phone cards to call south america. I've read on plan A/B. BUT , DON'T I NEED TO GET HER TO RESPECT ME? How do i do that being Mr. Nice guy (whom i've been all along). Please Help me to understand.

Turtle...while i'm knew to this, i did read Dr. Harley. I am pretty sure that i've committed No lovebusters. Just the opposite. I've been kind, compassionate ,non demanding, non judgemental. I also feel that i'm doing a good plan A for some time now (many months).She doesn't seem to be responding. She has said we are like brother /sister, good friends. THIS is hard to swallow. How do i get friends Back to Husband/ Wife??

Good morning! A new day! Best wishes to all here!

Has anyone read "Love Has to Be Tough" by James Dobson?

I've done a lot of reading, others posts, and re-read my own thread. I'm in plan A right now. I am having difficulty getting anyone onboard regarding exposure. Any advice?? I feel alone on this!

Two things, Gary:

1) How clear are you on your exposure? If you appear uncertain, wishy-washy or conflicted, your exposure targets are less likely to take your side or even back you up. You have to be definite: "My wife is having an affair and I want it to end and save my marriage."

2) You never can tell who is going to be your ally or how. Those you think should be your strongest allies might do absolutely nothing (perhaps out of a misplaced sense of "not hurting" you) and some you think may be remotely affected might have the biggest guns. You have to have faith that exposure WILL affect the affair. There is a saying, "You can plan the event but you can't plan the outcome." Just EXPOSE and know that you have done your best.

Thanks FRED!!!

You can't do that until the affair has been broken up.

Exposure helps a lot, but you don't seem to want to expose.
Also cutting off any financing or support of the affair helps, if you can do that.
Make it hard for her to conduct the affair - i.e. if she is calling her from the cell while you're around, ask her not to.


What are your thoughts on the links Pepperband posted for you?

hi turtlehead, i Have exposed where i could. It seems SHE has exposed to her closest. Please remember, she's not from here and there are a limited number of people close to her with whom i can communicate. The links are very enlightening. I've read extensively and continue to do so. How long do i be the nice guy?

edit add: I should also add that although the OM is not physically present(he's in another country), it is still the same pain and betrayal to me.

"QUIET NITE" here on the board?

HI all...i'm still reading and lurking. Just been down and tired. A little bolstering needed.