Welcome back, LLL. Sorry about the mess from the party while you were gone. I'm glad that you are feeling better and ate some. This is a life altering experience no matter how you cut it and regardless of what happens after your exposure, I believe that you will be glad that you did it. You have behaved with class and grace in the very, very worst of circumstances.

I hope you decide to stay here. Total anonymity is your decision. You are surrounded by supportive "friends" in spite of the occasional silliness.

God' Blessings,

Say

Yes you have an abundance of support here....and even if you do see some silliness it is a good thing.

Silliness=laughter and laughter is one thing that can get you through the hardest of times.

I look at my XH and still for somereason see him in a big fog horn leg horn suite....those ally mcbeal moments just crack me up. But I will tell you if I couldn't laugh at him It would have been so much harder.

And I dont think anybody understands like the people on here do...I hope you dont mind the comic relief on your thread.

There are sooo many wonderful caring people on here that have helped me so much, I hope that you stay for the support. It is priceless to me...

I'm glad to see some silliness on my thread. It's refreshing from the otherwise soap opera-like happenings in my life and all the others going through this hell.

My H has been here but not sure when....his laptop is gone. Remember, its the one I installed eblaster on.....however if he's living with Hot Pants, why would he need to email her....

3L:

I wish to second Say's comments.

You have done very well under horrible circumstances.

The folks posting on your thread while you were away for three days, were only posting because they could not wait to for you to get back.

They missed you.

You wish to remain more private and not to reveal too much private information to allow yourself to be recognized. That is very appropriate behavior. Please continue to post, as I believe that you have been given much support in this most difficult time. If you stay around for a long time, you may wish to reach out and talk to members here directly. It happens. Don't contact me. Or DUDE, for that matter. But there is a time and place for you to do that. Or never. That's cool. That what makes this place unique.

People come here, and spill it out. And spill it out in a way they can't do anywhere else, and, by doing that, they can get some amazing support. Even if they are the wayward one. You post, you listen, you start to grow, and others will continue to post to you.

If your WH was to end up here, and truly want to change, this place will help him get on the straight and narrow.

Remain private. That's ok.

But continue to use a resource that is available to you to understand the convoluted world you have suddenly been thrown into by your wayward husband.

LG

LLL- even if nothing official happens with exposure you will still feel good. In my case, when I exposed, the only one who really was able to asset any influence was my DS7. I exposed to my WH's work and was told there was nothing they could do about it and that what happened at work was confidential and if anyone talked to me about any of it, that person would be fired. My MIL and SIL said that they don't get involved with things like this.

The one thing I take away from my exposure is that now thw world knows that my WH and POSOW were an affair that came between a marriage and not a romantic love story that happened after the marriage ended. DS7 simply refuses to talk to WH over the phone and says it is because he is mad that daddy left and that we should call the police because he broke the rules. That was the only real exposure fall out I saw. But I never have to wonder "What if?"

Any chance you can hide a camera in your house? To see if he comes in and what he is up to?

Hmmm. Should she change the locks?

Yeah, LLL, we were hanging out at your place waiting to see how you were doin...and you are holding your own, quite well...and just to let you know, I havent spoke to or emailed anyone directly...not because I dont want to, but for some reason I am afraid that WH will find this website and use it against me or something or figure out what I am trying to do

...IDK, it sounds dumb. I am sure he could give a rats a$$ what I am doin. I am just paranoid. I just feel like I am just holding on to this little private piece of me that after WH ripped everything else out is all I have left. I feel like my whole life has been exposed to strangers (esp OW)...I know I am a weirdo.

But anyway my point being that I have gotten sooo much support and sooo much help here...honestly without MB i dont think I would be doing as good as I am mentally right now....I really hope you choose to keep posting, even if it is only when you need us...I dont post often on my thread, but I find comfort in helping other people....so let us help you if we can

Okay done rambling, Gosh I dont know whats goin on with me today.

Yes, if she can legally...I dont remember exactly when I changed mine. But I was told if he moved out for a certain amout of time I could legally change them...

I guess it depends on whether she wants to Plan A or Plan B him.

I think all of us have been worried about exposing too much here, or having our WS's find it etc.

My solution was not to post anything that I didn't want on the front page of the NY Times.

If WH found it, so what? Nothing I wouldn't have told him to his face.

His atty found it, so what? Nothing that wasn't already in writing in court documents.

And I have spoken to and met others from the board and they have become wonderful friends. No one understands the BS like another BS. The support here has been a life saver for me and I have met some wonderful friends that I hope I keep forever.

*bites tounge* ahhh sooo many combacks so little time

LOL

3L:

Its cool that he took his laptop. Eblaster should still send you what he is doing.

Unless he drops it off at a computer store and the wipe out ebalaster.

No cameras. No point. Change the locks? Go ahead. It appears that he has moved out.

Write it down. Start a journal. Send a daily email to a new email account. Make that a daily stop. What WH did today.

This way you have proof of activity and use for the court dates.

Don't have reacionary statements like this: "that big jerk came in and took all the hummels in the cup board."

Do it this way: "WH came to the house today, between 3 to 6, and during that visit, removed the Hummels from the cupboard and took them to another location."

Since he wasn't there all weekend?

I would go to the senior mananagement that you have described from the attorney, and present your information, and then have your attorney file the divorce papers as required.

He is in deep. The D is going to be ugly. Control the sitch by being first.

LG

Ladylonglegs
I have been following your post since the beginning. I am sorry for what you are having to experience. From what I can determine you are intelligent and a class act. Hang in there... this too shall pass, you are in the shock phase and it is very disorienting.

Now as far as exposure goes. I have been hanging out here for a while and I understand that exposure is an "effective" weapon. However it is not 100 per cent effective. It is perhaps one of the most effective tools, but just like treating cancer, and adultery is a cancer, there are isn't anything that cures it completely.

I tend to agree with your assessment. I have had clients steeped in the academia environment. From what I can see is they will have a tendency to protect one of their own, especially since he is a champion at bringing in the funding. However, this can get tricky for them, as once they "are seized with knowledge" that one of their department heads is potentially misappropriating funds to finance an affair they will be on the horns of a dilemma. Their preference will be to quietly deal with it and hope it goes away. However if they do not deal with it effectively there could be a public relations nightmare waiting in the wings.

For example, lets say you expose to the administration and they try to cover it up. A period of time goes by and assuming this is high profile enough, the news media gets involved and exposes that there is something rotten in Denmark at a high profile educational institution and that fund are being used to "party" and in fact finance an illicit affair.

Suddenly the institutions that receive the funding requests may be dragged into the fray. They may be asked questions like "Do you monitor the way the funds are used or do you blindly dish out the cash and hope for the best". This can be very uncomfortable for all concerned, and everyone goes into damage control. One of the controls may be that as long as your H is applying those requests will no longer be considered as the "bond of trust" has been violated.

So when you are dealing with the administration, you may want to indicate subtly that they are your first port of call. And that you want to give them the "opportunity" to address this misappropriation of funds. (From what you have said, this could be deemed stealing by some companies, and grounds for termination). You also want to give them the opportunity to address the issue of your husbands charge being given favor, and that her grading now comes into question and perhaps should be subject to an independent audit. This could be construed as an abuse of power and is fodder for "sexual harassment" type claims. (However in this case it is not harassment but more like prostitution for grades or preferential treatment). The administration needs to be left with the impression that should they choose not to deal with this appropriately, they may have to answer to other venues, such as the news media, or queries from funding sources.

I am sure you will handle this in a most adept manner. I felt compelled to post and provide you encouragement as you are thrust into a most horrific situation, not of your choosing. Welcome to the club which none of us wish to belong. I wish you well.

Blessings
BCBoy

Hardee, har, har.... I guess I walked right into that one


How bout Ill give you my Email address or my phone number, errr...how about you email my friend and then she can call me, uhhh....I would love to hear these comebacks ... I am so funny, well maybe just to myself, but I am funny you gotta admit....PS you know I am just kidding, right?

BCBoy has made some excellent points with regards to exposure in this situation. I have learned that sometimes what you "almost" say can be as powerful as what you say. That probably sounds terrible, but academic entities don't like a "mess." If they think addressing this will prevent a "mess" they will be more likely to address it.

Really I would never have guessed.... :P.

I would love to talk to your friend....it is always good to meet new people. Then you get the chance to make other people laugh......and you laugh at them and they laugh even harder...then milk spews from someones nose....just not sure who....opps flashback......happens some times.....age ya know.

This is good advice. As a BS who hoped to R my M, I didn't want to rock the boat too much, so didn't look out for myself like I should have. XWH took me to the cleaners big time. It took that to make me realize that he wasn't the person that I knew for almost 50 years. Don't let it happen to you!!!