Hi Larry,

Yeah I know what PA and EA are, I have read lots about the Plan A and many other things, I am so angry and scared right now I have no idea what I want to do, I more than anything want to salvage our M, I will re-read Plan A to make sure I am not missing anything, as far as the OM I do not fear that, unless I missed something from her, just I have no clue what my WW wants to go figure out, she does suffer from depression and what she thinks is a mid life crisis, and from day to day does not know what she wants, thanks for the reply.

About to turn 40 is scary stuff.

And until you make up your mind what you want, you cannot help her or yourself. You cannot provide leadership unless you know where you are going. Chances are she is reacting to your ambivalent mind set in some respects.

Maybe I missed it, but does the OM live anywhere near where she wants to go? If so, you know what she wants to figure out.

Larry

No the OM does not live there, she has a sister there and a female friend that she talks to about what is going on with us.

I know what I want, I just do not know from day to day what she wants, I am trying to do everything I can think of to show her and meet the needs I know she went looking for outside our M

We do talk, I try find ways to change my old habbits, one thing we still struggle with big time, both of us are triggers, we are trying to figure out how to best deal with them also

I would say you are a candidate for HNHN by Harley. What say you?

Larry

Yeah, I will see if I can find it at our local book store, sadly online orders get stolen in the postal system, most of the time in South Africa. I have read the first chapter on MB, and am thinking of maybe trying to get hold of SAA also.

Last night was terrible, I could not even get myself to talk to my WW, dang this is painfull.

Your local book store should be able to order it for you. They obviously have a way of getting stuff to them with a minimum of theft. I think it is sad that people have to live behind razor wire and guns just to go about their daily lives.

I know a bit about the history of South Africa and it isn't at all like the world press would have us to believe. But that is a story for another forum and another day.

My hobby is cultural psychology. Not what you see explained in Wikipedia, which WAS one variant. Mine derives from something the UofH was trying to do back in the 60-70's.

Larry

Yip, if South Africa could get the crime under control it would be one of the top places to live in the world, it is a beautiful country.

Howzit broer. This is a voice from the mother city.

Have you exposed at your social gatherings? Do you a church that you can share your problems?

Can anybody keep tabs on your missus when she goes visiting?

- Especially if you are not sure about NC.

Howzit Imagine,

Yeah I have exposed to social Gathering few friends, not all as other not worth it, as for tabs on my WW I do believe she is fully honest about the NC, to be honest, all signs indicate that she is in a MLC (Mid Life Crisis)

I have been doing tons of reading about MLC from a man (Spouse) and a womans point of view, and we have decided she is going to try get this sorted out, she will go see a doc to try help her, for now what I have read, until my WW has gotten past that or figured out where she is and what the future is she wants, I am going to stick to Plan A, and most important get myself back to who I should have been for years.

I will update as and when I need more help, thanks for all the advice from everyone.

I see a bumpy road ahead of me, but one I have a 4x4 in my heart to make it a smooth ride and get to the other side.

It's worth it to expose to everyone so that she can't later spin the story to them.

That is the best part of your plan.

All the best.

Larry

Thanks Larry, sad how one forgets about the small things in life, baby steps