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**edit**

Last edited by Revera; 01/27/10 12:34 PM. Reason: TOS multiple aliases
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Her desire to move into her own apartment, or ask you to move out, has precisely one cause:

1. To make room for the other man.

Keep that in mind whenever she wants to talk about this. I really like the "brain substitution" method of coping: whenever my wife uses certain phrases, I substitute what she's actually asking for.

"I need my privacy." Privacy == secrecy to talk to OM without getting caught. She's saying "I need my secrecy to talk to OM without getting caught." Puts things in the right perspective.

"I'm thinking about getting my own place." Getting my own place == moving out so that OM and I can spend more time together without your interference. "I'm thinking about moving out so that OM and I can spend more time together without your interference."

I built a whole dictionary of these substitutions in my journal once... I wonder if I should find it?


Doormat_No_More
(Formerly Barnboy)
Original thread lost in the forum purge of '09.
4 months after D-Day
1 year after D-Day
Two Years Later
Four Years Later
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Text message. Can I stop it, not really. I asked her if they were going to meet and she said no, then I don't know. I reiterated how I felt and that if she see's him, that she would have to think about leaving. She hedged and said I know, I am just so confused. I said well pull your head out of your a** and see the light. Just kidding, I just listened and chewed on the inside of cheek some more. She has called twice this morning (already) and will propably call throughout the day. The funny thing she keeps asking about is what is my family saying? Has her family contacted me. Do they hate me, how could I ever get back in there good graces. I joked and told her as in mission impossible, they have disavowed any knowledge of her and destroyed any evidence she existed. Then I told he the truth that they wanted things to work out and are just sad and concerned. Thanks again to all who have posted responses, it's been a HUGE help for me. You all ROCK!

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Originally Posted by Crazies
Why are you clinging so desparately to someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Crazies, you are a new poster. Have you read the principles of MB yet? Do you understand how A's happen, and the process for R a M? Do you understand the BS's plan? If you did, you would have answered your own question.

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Originally Posted by Crazies
Why are you clinging so desparately to someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Two posts, made on the day you join as a member, both posts giving advice...although this one is, admittedly, in the form of a question. redflag Do some reading on the site, why don't you, before you hang up your shingle and start dishing out advice.

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Pat, WW knows where you stand. Just be careful you don't sucked into drawn out conversations that go nowhere and rehash the same things to death. When she calls, you can ask things like what sounds good for dinner, if she wants to go to a movie this weekend, if she wants anything in particular for the grocery store, tell her about something funny the kids said or did, etc. Show her you are thinking of her and want her around but that you are doing what you have to do for yourself and the kiddos despite her A and ongoing confusion.

Good job! Keep it up!


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by Crazies
Why are you clinging so desparately to someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Who are you, Crazies?


Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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Originally Posted by patriot45
. Two weeks ago I don't think I would have said that, but I feel 1000% better about where I am at and what I am doing now, as opposed to then

This s what happens when you take CONTROL of your own life. It brings back your personal integrity and power...... Remember this moment when you feel your emotions getting the best of you.......all this will aide you in your personal recovery

as for everything else she said.......TYPICAL WAYWARD CRAP.....nothing special or out of the ordinary

not2fu

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Originally Posted by ImStaying
Originally Posted by Crazies
Why are you clinging so desparately to someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Crazies, you are a new poster. Have you read the principles of MB yet? Do you understand how A's happen, and the process for R a M? Do you understand the BS's plan? If you did, you would have answered your own question.
She probably wont be here long.
I think MB may be a bit too "traditional" for her or her partner.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=158775&Number=2312629#Post2312629

Last edited by Gack1; 01/27/10 10:15 AM.

Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Originally Posted by Crazies
Why are you clinging so desparately to someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Why are you clinging so desperately to this forum? naughty


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I believe Crazy has been banished for multiple aliases. Who knew? (-:

God's Blessings,

Say


Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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At least Crazies was aptly named...

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Time for re-exposure, especially on the OM front. Make your WW no longer worth the hassle of pursuing. The more you expose, the crazier and more unattractive he got. Continue to put the heat on OM, he will crack.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Yup, time to agrivate the OM grin

During Plan-A and my WW's cake eating I thought seriously about building a Cell Phone Jammer cool
(But the FCC kinda frowns on that)


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Well, she is up there with him. She said she was in OKC, but she was in Midland. Now what.

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Did you tell her that seeing OM was a boundary of yours that you could not accept her crossing?

How did you find this out?


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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It depends. What do you want to do? Is this a dealbreaker for you?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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She has called your bluff. I would rexpose to her parents and OM's GF, sister etc, file and go a very dark PLan-B...But that's just me.

God's Blessings,

Say


Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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Originally Posted by patriot45
Well, she is up there with him. She said she was in OKC, but she was in Midland. Now what.

1) Re-expose.

2) File for D and go for everything, full custody, child support, spousal support, the whole shabang. And make sure to get it automatically deducted from her paycheck.

She'll know you mean business and you can always drop the D if she comes crawling back. This way, the worst you can do is get custody of your children if you do eventually get divorced.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Quote
Are you sure the OM didnt make a trip up to OKC as well?


Reason I mentioned this last night was the tone of her conversation and the fact that Dallas is midway b/n Austin and OKC.

Now instead they went anthr direction to Midland suggests to me that they had this all planned before the trip while you were being duped into thinking there was NC.

Re-expose the hyprocrits to her family. Next I would have conversation with OM that he will not be welcomed around the family and that if thought the last week was too much drama - he is fixin to have a life full of drama.

Last edited by rwinger; 01/27/10 12:42 PM.

Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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