Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths (Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)
like this alot

FOr those of you following dog naming this iswhy Gary

This is what my naughty uncle, cousin and 86 year old Grandma were watching the day before they sabotaged my sophisticated dog name voting system.

Gary is relaly growing on me. J is trying to convince me Woody is better (I think he thinks he's got a chance of throwing me of Gary with that one). DD is tuck on Elvis (she only knows one Elvis and that is her class mascot the egret) DS is happy with any of the names - he just keeps saying "our puppy has lots of names"

Thank you - but that doesn't explain the elephants

It takes a heck of a long time to eat an elephant -- it's big, awkward, tough skinned. But you can do it, one bite at a time. It's very difficult, but with time -- with one bite at a time -- it can be accomplished.

And as I mentioned to you elsewhere, I'm partial to Gary. And that skit nails it. Or is it Gehrdy?

Nice to read you went to practice. I know how much you enjoy that.

i think mark was saying that in regards to your post - it is a big task and a long road ahead and you must do it one step at a time.
if you read my post the long game on my blog
http://brokenwomen.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/the-long-game/

i talk about this kinda...keeping my eye on the purpose of what i am doing so I am not dismayed by the perceived lack of change.

Now you know I am a very new WW - that i dont know all the answers and I am non linear as HECK - but this was my revelation about working through restoriation and the path it takes...

i just always thought the whole "eating an elephant begins with the first bite" anology as very funny...and silly...i always thought if I had to eat an elephant I would make chili and feed the whole town...cause i am a weirdo like that.

Thanks L4 and Sis - it all seems so much clearer now

hey ST,
You are both just past d-day of 1 year, just because that day has arrived and gone, doesn't mean that it's left your head.

I used to get so sad and grumpy every October for years after my Dad passed away. He died in the month of February, and that month didn't seem to affect me.
Once I realized that his birthday was in October,(and I always remembered his B-Day) I realized that was the reason I had trouble with the month of October.

Patience ST.

btw, did you miss my suggestion on agreeing about how to handle LB's, I posted it right before you messed up your thread (freakiest thing I ever saw on here) with your vent ..... cuz I know you wouldn't ignore me. or not! lol

Sorry V, I did miss it. I think I was soooooooooooooo worked up when I read it that it went right over my head. Thank you for bringing it up again.

I'd like to think it would work. But I'm not sure that in those situations when it is impossible to get away it would work, the proble, being that I couldn't enforce the boundoary initially - hence I guess why I got so angry.

I just didn't know where I could vanish myself too how to block him out - had it been for me I may have put my fingers in my ears and lalalala'ed. Could I have told the kids to do the same?

A week on from last Sunday (No....really ST?) Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know. Oh, dear I'm having a conversation with myself.

We've been doing plenty of puppy planning and getting on nicely - despite it being work,

J asked tonight whehter I ever thought about kissing him. Caught unawares I replied "I often think I must try to remember to kiss you"

He told me how this made him feel without LBing.

We had a brief conversation and I commented about actually being in love, to which he said "I am in love with you".

I do love him now nearly all the time but I only very very occasionally reach the dizzy heights of being in love.


It is only a week from a big Lber though and he's been at work for 56 hours in the last 5 days, there again now. So really I think things are not too bad.

The other thing is I am a bit obsessive- in case you hadn't noticed. I am totally dedicated at the mo to getting things perfect for the new pup ( having not owned a dog before) - I think I must have read every website in the UK and the States about labradoodles, mountains on toilet training and crate training and leaving a pup and chewing and pack mentality.

So of course my head is constantly overbrimming and I am a liite bit away with the faries (more than usual), which I think is triggering.

Right. No work for J tomorrow but I am 9-3 but we do have the evening

Do I go with PSUBikers great thread
Things to remember

or do we get on and purchase our crate and palypen and htink more on names.

Moses
Maple
Griffin
Herbie
Timber
Frank
Sonny
Sunny

I vote for snuggling up and watching a film together.

A bit of hand holding and stroking wouldn't go amiss either.

ST J

Ditto to what Sere said!



Having a puppy, and not having had one before, will be a challenge for sure ST. A challenge for the whole family, but you know what, I can't think of a better way to learn how to act as a team!

There are lots of us with puppy experience to get you through it.
Remember, they do grow up. They are like toddlers who get into everything, and adolescents who defy you!

First tip from me ......... anything in the pups reach ...... is fair game for destroying.
So keep everything up or in a closet. Have puppy toys so that the pup knows what he is allowed to play with/chew on, and show him by replacing the sneaker in his mouth with a toy.

We did the watching the film. THink I should have followed your advuce more carefully Sere and gone in for the snuggling a little more.

I can feel him getting wound up about lack of affection but it ain't coming easy.

ETA:I get distracted in the middle of this post, but I do get back to MBing at the end

I had a great day yesterday. Stacks of admiration from the teachers of the children I support at work. A nice walk into town with J, did a job and browsed the pet shop. Came home and ordered the crate and playpen for pup, browsing kit together; which was much good.

And then band where we have a nice new challenge for the trumpet section but the only youtube clip I can find of it is a bit like a car crash.


And then we do this, sometimes with vocalist and sometimes without,; didn't have vocalist last night so solo shared between me and alto and I did a damn good job, even if I do say so myself One of my favourite all time tunes

So another evening together tonight - how shall we do it tonight, bit more puppy shopping and then a bit of telly and ST tries harder with snuggles?

It's a shame really - I don't think deep down J is a snuggly person either but he needs this.

Don't know whether any of you BHs read here, I know you guys find your wives lask of affection a bit more than a nuisance too.

RRRaaaaagggghhhhh

I need J to become my obsession, is that right?

I know I know what I have to do - the theroy is that I fill more of his ENs adn then he starts meeting mine more and then we're in love and then he becomes the centre of my universe adn I start wanting to meet his ENs.

I want htat course to work on.

Or how normal are we?

Is this fairly typical round here? We know what we have to do but always get chance or aren't always moticvated enough to do it. SO although we plod along fine and get on well most of the time and a lot of the time catch ourselves before things go wrong we never quite actually go all the miles.

Anyone else in this club?

(I'm typing while listening to Ella and Louis.)

I'm still in love with Gary, ST. I'm sticking with Gary, whether you name Puppy that or not. That's what I'm calling him.

Since my H isn't on board with MB, I don't think we can officially join your never-quite-actually-go-all-the-miles club. (Is that NQAGATM Club for short?) But we too get along and do well, then something goes amiss and the ramifications run from disappointment to threats of D. Ey-karumba.

Do the dog thing or try a game. Do you play cribbage or Scrabble or speed? (Speed is best played while sitting on the carpet so you can more easily "get physical" when the game gets close.) They're great games for inducing friendly, flirtatious competition. Perhaps with a nice glass of wine or tasty ale or chocolate syrup and whipped cream? Regardless of what you end up doing, remember it's being together that's important. (I think my good friend ST once told me something like that...)

Have a magnificent weekend!

Oh! And I don't doubt that you did a damn good job.

I think that the reason Af becomes so important to BS's is because it is one of the first things to go during an A, and so a lack of it is a sort of trigger. Most men dont normally seem to have a high need for Af, excepting some of the BH's I read about on MB. Flick said to me once that the lack of Af I gave him pre-A bugged him alot as I am normally a very huggy person.

Other forms of Af including couch snuggles are when in the car placing hand on leg, stroking a body part when walking past, giving quick pecks on the cheek when walking past (or any easily assesable body part), terms of endearment, and those lovely bedtime cuddles

Hey guys!

Nope I don't s'pose you do qualify L4.

Nice to see you back Lil, makes sense with the Af. I can do bed time cuddles - I just seem to forget the other stuff or there is so much tension in the air that I don't.

There has been no tension though for a couple of weeks nearly.

ST, this seems so unlike you. What's the matter?

Are you having a bad day or is it something more than that?

We want to know what's going on?

Maybe we can help?

I don't think anything is really the matter - I just want to please myself for me.

I'm a bit fed up of hearing about how cold I feel when I'm hugging sometimes, a bit fed up of hearing about how I need to initiate more. And if it weren't for keep hearing those complaints I'd exceptionally happy about life.

Work is going really well - those 19 hours are giving me the chance to make a difference and all the teachers I work with are really seeing it - but not only that telling me so..

I am enjoyng finding out everything I can about puppy care and the breed and J says he's willing and seems like he is... and then falls asleep midway through research or shopping.

So, I don't know really. I like doing things becasue I want to and if there is an expectation of me I rebel- always always always been the same. I currently feel safe to be me and the me that I enjoy.


(Not sure whether it is karma for my selfish attitude but I totally b******d my back this morning - did very very little at work except rest and stretch because they were so short of lunch supervisors and were desperate for me to go out - not quite sure how, if I managed to get a chiropractor appt, I would get there - certainly won't be doing the IKEA gig tonight)

How high a need is admiration for you ST? Be careful about getting this need met by colleagues if it's high up there.

Maybe J isn't complaining. Maybe he is just communicating his needs to you? Could J find a way of letting you know what he needs without you taking the communication as a personal criticism?


I can't remember how effectively you POJA'd the puppy, but maybe J is just not quite as excited about it as you? Maybe he is going along with it because he can see how happy you would be about it and maybe he just can't be as enthused as you? Maybe you can get him to be more enthusiastic by talking about the RC time you'll be able to together walking the dog. BB have some of our loveliest times walking our dog and talking, holding hands etc.


There's an awful lots of I's in that sentence ST. What do you do with J that you do because you both want to?

I'm not sure exactly what you mean about rebelling when there is an expectation of you? Do you mean with the cuddling and affection? You don't want to do it because J expects you to do it?

If J lets you know that affection is his top EN, then do you think he should expect you to try to meet that need?



Sorry about your back ST. Maybe a massage from J would help? I hope you're feeling better soon.

ST, I know for me admiration is a high one. I would try to find a way to talk with H about this. My H does appreciate things about me, but he just didn't grow up ina verbally affirmative type family. If he didn't hear any complaints, he knew he was doing fine. So he doesn't always think about saying things out loud.

I also echo the caution about finding that admiration somewhere else. Man, it's so hard when school is such an easy source for that. I got to where I just would rather have been at school than at home. I definitely hope all this works out. I get the rebelling thing too. When you do things and don't feel appreciated, it makes you not want to do other things. Not saying that's right. But I do understand how that thinking happens.

The hopeful thing is, at least for H and me, these phases don't seem to last forever. Things seem to level out again after awhile if I just keep plugging away. Hopefully they will for you too.

did try to reply last night but struck by blinding and paralysng pain.

it was a l.ong one too. will try again if i can move later