Jonpen,

Lightly touch her on the arm or hand when handing her something. Touch the top of her head lightly when you pass by her if she is sitting. Sit face to face when opportunity for conversation comes up and make eye contact. Laugh and enjoy your kids in front of her. Invite her to join you and the kids on outings but accept her no if she turns you down. ENJOY life and your kids.

I have an appt with an attorney today at 5:00, what are some of the main things i should ask him? I will make sure I let him know I DO NOT want the D.

also Faithful you seem to have a good deal of experience on all of this, can you briefly read over a bit of my posts and see what advice you can give? I'm sure you have seen and heard it all

Tell the attorney what the proposed visitation schedule is and the proposed divorce agreement.

Tell him you're interested in securing your rights as a father and want no less than 50/50 custody of your kids, with primary custody if possible.

Ask about adultery in your state and/or marital misconduct as a factor in a D.

Check about the laws of recording your wife in your state. Some states require that everyone know they are being recorded.

when my wife says "why are you forcing me to stay married to you!?" when she finds out i'm stalling, what do i say?

Don't say squat, just walk away. Or if anything, just reverse babble. "I can't possibly force you to stay married to me. If you want to leave you are free to leave." Don't try and reason with her. This will only lead to love busters and cause more problems. She knows where you stand. Only talk to her about fun, lighthearted conversation right now. Avoid relationship talks at all cost.

You have gotten some really good advice, especially on the legal matters. Best advice I can give you is to remember to CALM DOWN. This is a marathon not a sprint to the finish line. You are doing really great by taking care of the household chores, taking care of the kids and not LBing. Just be patient and let your WW go through withdrawl, keep putting off the D talk and be sure to protect yourself by not signing anything. I agree with the others that if she does file you will need to find a way to get your own attorney.

I understand how you feel. even though my husbandnever went on a trip without me, he has gone and stayed over at friends houses and claims its because he was drunk. You should really look down deep inside and see what is best for you. I also wnat to know how do i post my story on my profile for everyone to read.

Welcome, ZM. Go to the top of the Infidelity page, click on New Topic and choose your topic name then have at it.

God's Blessings,

Say

Thank you.

ok guys, I went and i met with an attorny for the free consultation today. He said if she agrees to give all the things she said she would to take it. she is giving me around 70% of the belongings in the house, 50/50 child custody, paying spousal support until i get out of school, she is going to pay all the bills until i'm out of school and then we split them 50/50, our new car will be put in my name, plus there was a few behind the scenes tricks my lawyer mentioned that would also HIGHLY be in my favor later on. now in my county if she files first and it goes to court she WILL WIN, the court systems here are HIGHLY in favor of mothers.
She will put everything I mentioned in writing and agree to have it done by MY lawyer. I know you all said to avoid the D talk but this was unavoidable.
It was either I do it this way or she files and either gets what she wants or I spend an INSANE amount of $$ fighting for my rights, and since her family and friends are not only supporting her financially to go through with the D but they are encouraging her to do it.
Now....I haven't filed yet and I have not spoke to her about any of this yet, I do plan to discuss this with her tonight even though she has already agreed to it before.
I told my lawyer to stall and draw it out as long as possible because my WS is more heavily in the fog now then she ever has been, and thats also to my advantage. Right now she is willing to accept this proposal because she wants out no matter the cost, but a month from now she may wake up and realize she is getting screwed and not go through with it.
I do still plan to keep up with plan A while I am here and D in my state is a minimum of 90 days usually much longer especially if i want to have them stall. So what are your opinions on this situation?

i think you should use those 3 months then if she cant get her head straight,you should divorce as fast as possible.

Jon, you have 28 pages from some of the best on the forum to see what we think. Now I guess you have to follow your heart and do what you feel is best for your babies.

God's Blessings,

Say

Very smart WW. Buying her way out of the marriage. Your folding like a house of cards.

Forever? What a cool deal. Wish my ex would pay half of my bills.

Do some free consultations with the best lawyers in the county. Don't sign anything. Don't take any action. Just consult with them. Then they can't represent your WW.

I haven't discussed any of it with her yet, and I haven't even mentioned I got a lawyer. Last night by the time I got home it was too late. So you all suggest that I let her go file and I don't even discuss the D, and then when she does file I go to war or accept it?
I am going to get slaughtered, like I said in my county when it goes to court she has ALREADY won, and I can't really afford a lawyer let along afford a fight. ok....let me ask you this, if I find out in advance when she is going to go file should I go file first because in my state TN there are ALOT of advantages to filing first.

Jon,

My questions is: why bother with the hassle of plan A if you're going to D? You may be better off starting your new D life as soon as possible.

--ElCamino72

because Elcamino every 5 seconds I change my mind. Part of me wants the D the other part doesn't.

How long does it take to get a divorce in your jurisdiction? There is usually a waiting period. If I were you, I would get the temporary orders for the 50/50,spousal support, and belongings division signed by the judge ASAP. What this will enable you to WORK THE PLANS without worry about how plan B could effect your custody, spousal support, and property division if plan D gets rolling.

You see, plan B can put men in a BAD spot if things go to plan D because moving out and cutting off the mother can easily be twisted to be abandonment by a good lawyer. However, if you already have a 50/50 custody plan in place and signed off by a judge, it will be MUCH harder to change it no matter how much your WW protests it. Right now, she is extremely foggy and trying to buy you out of the marriage. Once she starts to wise up, you may never see that offer again.

In the meantime, plan A her, then when you think the time is right, go straight to plan B.

Was this a highly recommended divorce lawyer?

Mine was!

I asked a minimum of 10 different people who I should use, because I wanted the best. Every single one of them gave me the same name.

Here is the thing, if you WANT a divorce, you should proceed as quickly and efficiently as you can. Get her now wile she is fogged up and get as much out of her as you can.

If you do not WANT a divorce, do not file for one, because if you do, you know what you'll get..........A DIVORCE!

Waywards are weird, and they need to be shown a path back to the M. Most look at the BS filing for a D as a justification, even when they say they want one!

"Jon never really loved me or he would not have filed for D"
"If it was meant to be Jon never would have been able to go through with it"

So on, and so forth.

Odds are she will not WANT a divorce in 90 days if NC is kept up. But she will still be fogged up enough that if YOU initiated it, she would follow it through as a part of justification for her previous actions.

Do or Do Not, there is no try!


Side note
1. You have an income problem that needs to addressed pronto. Or at least you need a small stash of money for possible legal fees. What are you going to school for, and could you get a part time internship or something in that field?

2. Your going to say I am wrong, that you don't need to do this, and blah, blah, blah.... But if this does go to D, you need to get your kids DNA tested.