No, I just asked if was there. They said she just checked out. Then I asked is she forgot to cancel a reservation, would it still show up. They told me no and that was it. They thought I was asking to many questions. She wont return calls, e-mails nothing. Tonight should be a blast. How gross is it that you have to carry a tape recorder in your pocket in case your spose gets violent. This really sucks.

Pat,

Be cool, and besides a recorder, you might want to consider a video tape. Just put the machine someplace out of the way. If she is as mad as you think she will not notice it.

Record it via voice and video. But, make sure you get everything. Somehow I doubt she will go that bonkers but perhaps she might. Make sure you stay where you can record what is going on, especially if she become violent.

But, hang in there. You have taken away her drug of choice right now, and as a good script following druggie she is doing her part to convince you and others she is nuts.

Hang in there and be cool.

God Bless,

JL

Not sure what you mean by WW anger - but you and especially the kids do not need to take it.

If she cant control herself - make sure you have a quick dial to 911 on the ready.

The only thing you need to say is you have every right to know as a husband where mom/wife are staying over night. See recpts for Midland would have confused anyone.

If she wants to argue and go dramatic - remind her (video and recorder are great ideas) that there kids in the house.

dont tolerate any disrespect from a WW - that is nuts to take it like a doormat - dont talk about the future - you need to keep your plans under lock and key for now whether you D or R

Pat,

Your wife sounds just like every other garden-variey wayward spouse....INCLUDING mine. She isn't spouting anything that hasn't already been said before. Yep, my H was done....we were "over".....you are crazy....this is all over my old thread when I was first got here 2 yrs. ago. I have been rumaging around my old thread, looking for something else, when I came across this little gem Mark posted to me.....It helps in dealing with the fog and holding on to your truths....


I especially loved the "Charlie Brown Teacher" reference. Once that had been planted in my head, I couldn't get it out. There were even a few times when H would start spewing some silly fogbabbly and I would instantly get a picture of this....I think one time H really did say "Wah wah wah wahhhhhhhhh", I can't remember though!!!!

Anywho, when she talks about you calling the hotel, just reiterate the fact that you are fighting for your marriage, and that you are doing WHATEVER it takes to do that....

If she engages in a temper tanturum, then you could always leave the room. Go to another part of the house. If she follows, go to another room. Or change the subject. If she continues, gather the kids and leave the house. Tell her you will be more than happy to engage with her when she calms down.....

Yes, this stuff will infuriate her, but keep in mind she is not a reasonable person right now.

Do just like you did the other day, and you will come out smelling like roses.....

not2fun

Seconding the suggestions for video and tape recorders. Multiple cameras might be called for depending on your budget. They can always be repurposed as nannycams or security cameras later.

Your descriptions of her lead me to think she may file a bogus DV charge to get you out of the house. She wouldn't be the first, and that kind of thing would really turn any D proceedings and custody issues into an uphill battle. Men accused of DV are guilty until proven innocent.

A call to your lawyer to find out what you can and can't do to defend yourself might be in order.

Patriot,

Quit calling or e-mailing her. Don't engage her or react when she gets home. You are only making this worse.

God's Blessings,

Say

You need to get it clear in your head that checking with the hotel was perfectly normal and Okay. This has been pointed out, but, in the depleted state a BS often finds him/herself, rational thought is often impaired and one can be swayed to believe the idiotic rantings one hears.
It is patently absurd for someone busted as your wife was , someone who has repeatedly lied nad broken vows to have any indignation re being checked up on.
One of the things I found hardest to get over re my XWW's rantings was how incredibly stupid she is to have put forth the argumentthat she could not trust me because I had a PI tail her(amazing, he busted her right away).
See, I think I may have been able toget past her cheating, not sure. But, the embarassment I would feel being married to someone so dumb might have been difficult to get past. No amount of fog could make me say something so incredibly dense as this stuff.

Agree with everyone above -

Not sure a current spouse (who is btw - in the home and taking care of children) can be deemed a stalker in texas.

Tex Atty Gen site => http://www.oag.state.tx.us/victims/stalking.shtml

But I will tell ya - since she is already using the verbiage - I am concerned about a DV setup to night or near future. Beware of this.

On the weather front - if WW is flying or driving from OKC to Austin - we are hvng severe storms with winter conditions and ice north or here in OK. Flights are delayed areound here -

She'll make it home, no doubt...

She's got foglights

When dealing with a WW, consider the tape recorder cheap insurance.

too funny LOL

hope Pat is alright

Pat,

We are waiting on the 411.....what happened last night???

not2fun

ps...Mr. Wondering....FOGLIGHTS....

Nothing. I was blown away. She's been cordial, not overly so but cordial. I know she has not seen him because she had his sun glasses in her purse from last week and they are still there. I'm concerned about contacting her friend. She had already told me she didn't want to get involved, but my wife talks to her several times a day and I wanted her to understand the full story. She knew nothing about the excessive spending and affair. Or that it ended (wink wink) last week with security being called in. I just explained to her that I was concerned, that weather or not we make it, she needed some intervention. I told her about the spending and how she has been absent from the kids and such. I don't think she will tell her I contacted but she may be mad enough to influence my wife to leave. She is the person my wife has confided in since we moved to Texas and I know the picture she has is not good. Plus she has been divorced twice, no kids, so she would have no problem telling someone to walk away. Anyway, it's done so I'll have to wait and see if she responds. One funny thing this morning, she was showing me that she burned her back in the tanning bed and it itched. I asked if she wanted me to put some lotion on and she just looked at me and gave an emphatic NO! No nookie for me

Patriot, I don't think that you understand the value of exposure. Your exposures last week effectively ended the A. Now you have a WW who is thick in the fog of withdrawal. She may also be feeling some humiliation due to the "accidental" exposure to her work that her H is checking up on her. Good!

This toxic friend that she confides in may turn out to be an ally. The grass is always greener. WW may think that TF's life is just what she wants but it may turn out that TF wants just what WW is giving up, DH, kids, family, nice home. Regardless, you have done NOTHING wrong. WW has. She will be mad if she finds out but it doesn't matter. Continue to act as though you have done nothing wrong (cause you haven't)and do your best plan A.

God's Blessings,

Say

" she has not seen him because she had his sun glasses in her purse from last week and they are still there"

Time to throw though SG's out. They are preventing NC. Their presence has to giving her an OM fix preventing withdrawal as well as triggering you.

Put some Ben-Gay in her lotion. Really, this woman is extremely rude.

Her friend is in a marriage that my wife dreams about. She and her husband call each other all day, takes lots of trips together and are the picture of marital bliss. So the advise she gets from her is based on her belief that her friend has the perfect marriage. I have never met the women, but she is very loyal to my wife, so the response may be very negative.

More drama. I went to the gym this morning and was sitting outside in my car talking to my sister and she pulled up beside me because she left something in there. For her, talking to my sister is the worst thing, so I got the "you've been out here talking to your sister" thing and what are you scheming to do now. Just one day of no drama would be great. Seems like everything I do is backfiring.

I think you worry too much about what your cheating wife thinks. She sounds nuts, to an outsider. Why are you on defense here? She's the cheater, right?

It's not defending her, it's that I don't want anymore drama. It's everyday and I am so drained right now. I have the kids all the time and I am trying to keep it together for them, but it's hard when I feel like s**t all the time. If I had some extended family here to help, it would be easier, but I don't so I just keep playing nice and try and keep it together.