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lokil, go to www.gloryb.com to The Other Woman board and stop wasting our time. You are wasting valuable time on this board that could go to people who have been HARMED by people like you. You belong on TOW board, not here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you don�t want to help, just don�t do it. "HELP?" Do you imagine you can negotiate with a terrorist? That is unrealistic to imagine you can force someone to change against her will. It is a also a WASTE of valuable board energy. We have other people on this board who really need help.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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remorse... you want to talk about remorse ive spent nearly every hour between the time that it happened and now crying I actually wanted my friend to hit me last night...believe me I have plenty of remorse. Were you crying while you were acting "normal" with your "friends" last night? People are trying to help you. You don't want it. pretty soon no one will respond. You were brave enough to have sex with your friend's husband while she was gone. Stop being a coward and tell her the truth. Truth is..your friend's husband is going to try to do it again with you and will hang your so called "mistake" over your head. You will be helping him continue the affair because you are helping him hide it
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From the Article
Discussions (or arguments) about what to include or exclude from the definition of marital infidelity is an effective way to get lost down a path where "Left Brainers" typically dwell and where "Right Brainers" typically get offended. The bottom line to the question is, "Specifically, what was it about the inappropriate relationship' that caused the damage in the marriage?" Was it the sex ([insert definition here]), the emotional bond, the amount of time spent together, the physical attraction? What was it? Talk about it. Get a clear understanding. If you don't understand how or why it happened and why it hurt the spouse, the probability of it happening again is very high.
Asking others to define the term for you is not the answer. If you boil it all down, you are left with the fact that you both need to work together in developing a plan to prevent this "beast" from ever attacking your marriage again. If you don't know what it looks like, if you don't know where it hides, if you don't know what its touch feels like, then how will you ever protect your marriage from its venom again?
Food for thought...
Last edited by nesre; 01/30/10 10:34 AM.
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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I was crying when i got in the car tomeet her I was sure she knew, I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom like ten times because I was so ashamed, I cried wheni got back in my car to go home, I reda the article belive there is zero chance that this will ever happens again I'm not going trough this again.
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If you don�t want to help, just don�t do it. "HELP?" Do you imagine you can negotiate with a terrorist? That is unrealistic to imagine you can force someone to change against her will. It is a also a WASTE of valuable board energy. We have other people on this board who really need help. I am not negotiating. I am offering my opinion and advice FOR FREE. You cannot change anyone, not a terrorist nor a good person, against their will. As long as she is undecided and keeps coming back on this board I am willing to talk to her and help her reason. If she doesn�t want to listen, she just won�t come back. If you find it�s a waste of your time and energy, just don�t do it! why do so many people come back to this thread complaining that it�s a waste of their time? or some actually come to waste their time making jokes.... weird.
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If you don�t want to help, just don�t do it. "HELP?" Do you imagine you can negotiate with a terrorist? That is unrealistic to imagine you can force someone to change against her will. It is a also a WASTE of valuable board energy. We have other people on this board who really need help. I am not negotiating. I am offering my opinion and advice FOR FREE. You cannot change anyone, not a terrorist nor a good person, against their will. As long as she is undecided and keeps coming back on this board I am willing to talk to her and help her reason. If she doesn�t want to listen, she just won�t come back. If you find it�s a waste of your time and energy, just don�t do it! why do so many people come back to this thread complaining that it�s a waste of their time? or some actually come to waste their time making jokes.... weird. ccbis, did you notice all the newcomers on the board who really need help? Why waste your time here trying to "help" a shameless OW when there are untold VICTIMS of other OW on this board who need help?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you don�t want to help, just don�t do it. "HELP?" Do you imagine you can negotiate with a terrorist? That is unrealistic to imagine you can force someone to change against her will. It is a also a WASTE of valuable board energy. We have other people on this board who really need help. I am not negotiating. I am offering my opinion and advice FOR FREE. You cannot change anyone, not a terrorist nor a good person, against their will. As long as she is undecided and keeps coming back on this board I am willing to talk to her and help her reason. If she doesn�t want to listen, she just won�t come back. If you find it�s a waste of your time and energy, just don�t do it! why do so many people come back to this thread complaining that it�s a waste of their time? or some actually come to waste their time making jokes.... weird. I agree that as long as she keeps coming back there is hope for her---as hard headed as she seems, I think she is tormented about what to do. I hope she keeps reading and listening.
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This thread may be a bazillion pages long, but it's only TWO DAYS OLD. This incident is VERY recent.
Can any of you FWSs really say that, without having been discovered by your BS, you truly "got it" in 48 hours and knew what was the right thing 2 do?
There is a lot of great advice on this thread, but there are some truly rotten suggestions here as well - such as "go 2 TOW" and "your kind isn't welcome here" types of suggestions.
Man, I'd have given large sums of other peoples' cash if my FWW had been as willing 2 come 2 a site like this, of her own volition, for help. Especially since, when I came here in 2002 at least, there didn't seem 2 be this much venom spat at the WS for not getting it within 48 freakin' hours!
Lok:
I believe you say you're in a Latin American country? I don't know if you can afford 2 call the Harleys for coaching, but if you can and are interested, the main page has instructions on how 2 get hold of them. Phone coaching is very easy 2 do. I found it much more beneficial 2 me than in-person counseling.
If you can't call, for whatever reason (e.g., international phone charges), can you find a local marriage coach (not a normal counselor - also read about the differences on the main page) who's been trained in MB methods, or is at least pro-marriage and has experience helping couples (or individuals if it's an IC) survive infidelity?
I admire your tenacity, that is evident from the fact that you keep posting after some of the treatment you've been receiving.
I'm human, of course, and I would sure like 2 see you come clean this instant and do all the right things that you'll learn you need 2 do. But the truth is that you'll really get this when you do, and not before. Surmounting the first big hurdle - admitting and realizing that smoothing this event over and carrying on as if nothing happened is just not going 2 work - is going 2 be extremely difficult. You may realize this the first moment you and your H look one another in the eyes when he gets home. But it may take longer than that.
My point is that I think you need professional help 2 get 2 that realization, and so I would urge you 2 meet with a pro-marriage counselor as soon as you can - before your H re2rns - so that you can improve your chances of being ready 2 do what's right when he does come home.
You don't belong on TOW or gloryb, or you'd have started there.
-ol' 2long
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Is there any way to set my 'cookies' so that this thread always comes up "read?" I don't want to read any more.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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ol' 2long said it �ll for me. Thank you
It�s only been 2 days for God�s sake!
and she has been called all sorts of things, just look at the image of troll that Fred sent her!
and english isn�t even her first language although she speaks it very well....
and she�s still here reading...
there is hope.
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Let's get back to marriage building, please. The show is over. This thread is locked.
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The bottom line is, you've got to tell your husband and your friend. There's no way around that. The truth ALWAYS has a way of coming out. Even if you do manage to hide it for a while, WHEN (NOT IF), your husband finds out - believe me when I say that hiding it from him will make it WORSE, not BETTER.
It's instinctual to hide what we're ashamed of, but if you want to have ANY hope at all of saving your marriage - you have to tell. That's the only way.
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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