I had been trying really hard, but today, the defecation hit the rotary oscillator if you know what I mean.

This just got very complex.

I am on my way home early....in the car...excited for another day of potentially rebuilding and got this text:

YOU THREATENED HIM?!?! YOU F"D UP HUGE! JUST BASED ON PRINCIPLE, IT'S OVER. I'M DONE. I'M FILING FOR DIVORCE AND I AM NOT KIDDING.HAVE A NICE LIFE A-HOLE!

Now wow....whoooaa...I never threatened him. What I said when I called him was that he crossed the line. He said "I know, and hung up.

So I call her and she is SCREAMING AT ME. Just enraged. I tell her I DID NOT THREATEN HIM, and she does not believe me.

So out of desperation I call OM to tell him to straighten this out. He did. He confirmed to her that I did not threaten him.

Then he calls her phone (which I now have because I took it from her, in anger I will admit, because it was the source of her communication and I was letting my emotions take control).

I answer. He starts telling me EVERYTHING. Reading texts to me, that she told him from day one that I already had been served divorce papers and was not living at home, all kinds of things to suck him in. He then apologized. He never meant to come into my marriage, but thought there was not one to come in to. He felt used. That she was using him to get to me. Because SHE had shown me the texts he had sent her, then lied to him and told HIM that I had gotten ahold of the phone somehow.

Now she blames me for everything, even though I know she was the one in the wrong. That she was the one living in fantasy.

Then it got ugly. She told me that if I did not leave, she would call the cops, tell them I beat her so I would get locked up.

So I called them myself. They came, and they said I should leave anyway, but I was not trying to leave my kids.

Then I am about to leave and the tears come. I feel like Dr Doolittle's push me pull me.

Then she says it is all about MY affair, that she cannot forgive me and it makes her angry and she lashes out.

I do not know what to believe. That may be true, but it also may be her playing her get out of jail free card.

Then she tells me she hates me. Then she tells me she loves me. Then she tells me to leave, then she tells me she does not want to be alone.

Guys...is there anything left to get excited about here? Is there anything left to fix?

I still love her, but this has spiraled out of control. When is it time to cut our losses no matter how much it hurts. I am even angry at the fact she is angry at me.

I have been doing my diligence, being there for her.

We are back at ZERO days no contact, but that will probably stick this time since he has threatened to file harassment charges if she bothers him again. She texted him over 20 times yesterday begging him to talk to her, which he would not.

Sad, under better circumstances, he might have made a good friend.

Now I just cannot believe the ugliness that is coming out of my wife's mouth. It is HORRIBLE.

WHAT DO I DO? HELP ME, MY HEAD IS SPINNING OFF!!
I feel deflated, I feel lost, I feel out of fight. She told me she loves me AND hates me...what do you do with that?

She is going through withdrawal! As you know OM typically cannot be trusted, however if he is telling the truth it may be over. If this is the case, I hope it is, she is just going through withdrawal. If OM is serious about this being over, this may be the true start of no contact and the beginning of w/d. It will pass, try to keep your distance, fill her LB, be supportive...etc.etc. Do not let her bait you!

Sorry you are having such a difficult day, I hope it gets better very soon.

She told me that she hates me and I make her miserable, and if she leaves me she will be alone and she does not want to be alone, so she will just accept misery.

I choose better. I choose happiness. If she cannot choose it with me, she will be alone.

I believe in the dream, I want the dream. Someone will love me. Shame it can't be her. Or will it be? How can I help her let go. How can she find it in her heart to forgive after so long?

I am moving out. Or I am not...damn Dr Doolittle.

I have to remember...patience...patience...breathe Jimbo, breathe.

Thanks for once again letting me breathe.

Hang on jimbo... I'm not sure what to tell you, but think twice before moving out.

It was probably smart of you to call the cops before she did. Men are in a very precarious position - a woman can claim the man hit her or all sorts of things. So it's good the cops came out and documented the situation.

But there are several reasons for not moving out. I can think of a couple right off the bat: (1) It may look to the divorce courts like you are abandoning your family and the marital home (your calling the cops may, MAY, help prevent that); and (2) it often makes it easier for the WS to continue the affair.

And your kids will be left in the home.

You have a *right* to be in your home, unless the cops force you to leave. If she doesn't want to remain under the same roof as you, let her leave.

I hope you are still online. I hope you are getting good advice on the SAA forum, or from a lawyer or someone. Submitting now in case yer still online.

I see you just now edited your most recent post... I KWIM about the Push-me-pull-you. Most memorable Dr. Doolittle animal IMO, with the most useful name.

I hope you aren't leaving the marital home. What are the SAA folks saying?

Can you get a phone call with the Harleys ASAP??? It's cheaper than a divorce.

Hey guys, I just want to say that please take the time to really really examine everything and bring it to the table. You both have worked hard and you deserve to have your marriage healed. I know how it is when you don't have time between work and children. You guys should take as much time as possible to spend together even after counselling especially since you have so many challanges before you in life itself.

Best wishes

Sorry, just read about the blow-up. Its just a set back, Give her some room but I wouldn't move out. Just MO

jimboy

you need to stay off your WW's thread.

her thread is for her not for you.

she needs a safe place at MB for herself.

let the vet's work on her.

stay on your thread and let the vet's work on you.

Where are ya hanginthere?