I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes. I thought we were happy. We had endured quite a few major stresses in the last two months. Then all of a sudden my wife tells me "I'm DONE!"

Since then it's as if she is a different person. No joke! Additionally she can't stay straight on any decisions it seems, or rather, they keep getting more severe. First it was "I'm going to move in with a girlfriend and I will give you everything." to "We need to both move out" to "I want you to move out" to "I want you to move out in a few days" to "If you don't move out in two days I'm getting a restraining order against you" !?!?!? and I've done nothing wrong!!! No threats, no intimidation, nothing. No raging or throwing things... WHAT GIVES HERE!? She actually went to the courthouse and said that I had made threats on her life and abused her during our marriage. ALL of which are LIES.

now I have a lot going on here. First off, for her to take an oath and lie blew me away. I thought we had the same values and both feared the Lord. Additionally dealing with the anger, confusion, sadness, etc. emotional rollercoaster re: what has just taken place in the last two weeks?!

She had been saying that she wanted this to be amicable.. but seems the more I agreed with her, the more she tried to make it difficult.

I found out that she has been seeing a police officer, whom she went to school with!!

She had told me she was totally against this kind of thing. I know we are all wired for an affair, but I honestly though we were happy. We seemed to be going the rough stuff together.

But I have a theory.

When her daughter turned 18, she left, went up to Alaska, never came back, and never said she was going. This was all about 2 months before my wife tells me she's done. Anyhow, her daughter used to tell me that she thought her mother was bipolar, and after her daughter left she sent an email to one of her mothers friends stating that she left because of how horribly her mother treats her.

During our marriage, my wife, at times, would have what *I* call "psychotic breaks". For instance. One day my wife comes home, unlocks the door, comes in, then GOES TO TOWN fullblown BITTER SATANIC RAGE on me saying "Don't you EVER LOCK ME OUT OF THE HOUSE AGAIN!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!?" etc. For a while she's raging on me. All this time i'm thinking and saying "what? You have a KEY.. right? So how am I locking you OUT???"

Weird stuff like that would happen sometimes. We have been married for 15 months. So I looked up to see if there is any cross link between bipolar and psychosis. Turns out that there is, for bipolar I. Additionally it is believed that one thing that brings on these psychotic symptoms is increased dopamine. Well, she has been on a LOT of antidepressants. It's easy for her to get them, she works in pharmesudical research. Anyhow, one she is on is Welbutrin. Turns out Welbutrin INCREASES the brains exposure to dopamine.

Does this really help me? probably not... but aside from the emotional issues is the fact that I *NEVER* saw this coming. We were happy, or so it seemed, and we had even taken the emotional needs questionaire and were following that in our marriage. This is just bizzare. Anyone ever seen this before?

She is telling people that we are already divorced, or maybe she's just telling her cop boyfriend that, but there is not even any paperwork filed as of yet?!!? She is also telling people that no man has EVER spent any money on her. WTH!?!? I bought her a very expensive wedding ring and for every special occassion I bought her jewlery, diamonds, perls, etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN!!?!?!? It would be one thing to see that we both got cold in the marriage, but we did NOT!!! Right before she started her period, and refilled her antidepressant medication, we were happy, having sex, enjoying eachother. I am just totally blown away.

Also I spoke to other people who used to be friends of hers, until she told them that she couldn't be their friend's anymore, and one guy told me how when she was married to her first husband, how he called her to get his number, because he lost it, she gave it to him, got off the phone, then walked over to his wife, that she worked with, and in all seriousness told her "you need to tell your husband to stop stalking me!" W T F?!?!?!!?!?!?!!? He told me she's very likeable, but has mental problems, that she has these insecurities that come up and make her go weird. But it seems to me that it has to be more than mere insecurities?!

Oh, btw, how I know about the police officer, via the detailed phone bill, all the calls, and PAGES of TXTs. I also had installed a program on her smart phone that would upload her SMS logs to a website, and it's clear they've had sex. Of course when I confronted her with this, she just RAGES and diverts. Even when I told her "Hey, look, it happens. I'm not mad, I just wanted to know what's going on." but she still lies to me, in my face, when I even have proof.

According to the phone bill she was in contact with this guy toward the beginning of Dec.

Hi PMG,
welcome to MB, sorry you have to be here.

What you call 'psycho' we call wayward thinking or 'fog babble'.It is a deliberate mental derailment someone in an affair has to do to stomp down feelings of guilt so they can continue to do the unthinkable. It is exacerbated by the chemical phenylethylamine (PEA)which makes the wayward think they are 'in love'

Have you read the articles here and/or any of the books?

I do not have any experience with bipolar disorder but I think there are others on MB who do. Check back in the morning and see if any of them can advise.

PMG,

I just had a quick look at your posts and i see you have posted before under a diferent name, and that you have been registered to MB since 2003.

I am not exactly sure what you want here. I also notice your last few posts relate to a possible EA with a married woman you suspect is being abused by her H.

Do you want to fix your M or do you want permission to end it?

I have love busters, and one other, but obviously i've not read it in some time.

I want to fIX my marriage... however with my wife getting the RO against me.. I don't see many practical/hopeful options.

as far as the chemical phenylethylamine, I'm sure that plays a role, however I've seen very strange behaviour from my wife in the past, and others have attested to it as well. So I don't think that it is acting alone in this case.

Here is some background on my wife. She did say that bipolar runs in her family and that she probably does have it, her words.

Also as to her emotional state. She never knew her biological father, and when she tried to contact him, a relative told her that he was not interested.

She was molested repeatedly by a kid at a daycare provider when she was around 6 or 7.

Her step father beat her.

She was gang raped, brutally, when in the army.

When she was 30 her mother, who is now a lesbian, told her that if it was legal at the time, she would have aborted her rather than giving birth to her, and that she ruined her career.

is it possible that she has developed some type of disconnection mechanism from these types of trauma, and during times of high stress this disconnection mechanism gets triggered again?

Is this your third marriage? Did your second marriage break down after 7 weeks, and now this is your third, after 15 months?

Did you get married quickly, as you did the second time? Since it has only been a short time and she seems to have major psychological issues and you have no children, why not walk away?

TROLL.

Do not feed the troll's.

I don't think so. He has been here since 2001 and has a history.

He needs IC then. Keeps picking the wrong type of Woman to marry.

What is IC? Yes, my 2nd marriage fell apart after 7 weeks. I thought this one was different, it was about 5 years later, and I met her on eHarmony. We married only 2 months after meeting, but she seemed to have a reputible friendship with a pastor. However after this went down recently, his wife told me that she's not surprised by any of this, and she believes this has to do with her being sexually abused as a child because she has never really dealt with it she says.

I could walk away, in fact right now it looks like my only option. But I really do love my wife and care about what in the heck is happening to her. But again, it looks like walking away is about the only pratical option.. but now with the RO it complicates everything, how to get my stuff, are we going to have to fight over everything in court? We don't own any real property, only some furniture that we each brought into the marriage, and some we bought together, etc..

I WISH! Then this wouldn't be so painful

Now I know it's common for a spouse to have an affair, but what I don't understand, at least in MY case, is why my spouse wanted to separate and end things within DAYS. I mean, how can you have any hope fore recovery when your spouse leaves or gets an RO against you, based on totally false charges no less?

i wonder if this was her way of assuaging her own conscience, maybe thinking it's not really an affair if I don't live there??

Your previous posts ...


*** as petermg ***

.... are all over the place !

I have had a lot of counseling since my petermg posts. And the only reason I am not posting under petermg is because for some reason it only allows me to post a new thread, but then I can't respond to any?

Pepperband, if you're insinuating that I didn't learn enough, I'm not arguing with you. Right now I'm in a lot of pain so anyone who wants to judge me go right ahead, I am not in a place to fight back or try to defend myself. I am just looking to see if there is anyone with a similar experience and who can help me understand what is going on and what I should do.

The counseling helped me through the difficult time in my life that I was going through. It was more for emotional strength than intellectual learning. I remember when I started it I was just separated from my 2nd wife and I was a mess, I mean I was MADLY in love with that woman. I saw the counselor for about 8 months and by that time I felt stable and sane.

I am considering trying to see him again as now the counselor that my wife and I were seeing won't return my calls!? Even though I asked him straight out if he thought it would still be appropriate to counsel me or not and he said he WOULD counsel me. What's the deal? Why can't he return my calls? It's been over a week? If you changed your mind why can't you just tell me?

Please no one take offense to anything I say. I'm hurting and hope nothing I write sounds offensive or harsh.

In any event as I mentioned earlier, I'm hoping some who have gone though something similar as I am going through with my wife right now can respond and give me advice, comfort, etc..