Men seem to have a need to rescue "dumsels in distress" (as stated in someone's book - can't remember if it was Harley's or someone else's). Anywho, why is that? A need to be NEEDED? Just remember, those women are in distress for a reason.

I think that was the case with my XWH. Miss Mullet has been through a few marriages, a few bankruptcies etc. He gave her all that money so she wouldn't lose her trailer. She needed a sugar daddy.

I am very self sufficient and didn't "need" him. I looked at him as my equal partner.

So guys, which do you prefer? A dumsel that you have to take care of, or a woman who can take care of herself but wants to be with you only because she loves you and enjoys your companionship and company?

I never thought The Leopard was a "damsel in distress." When we first started dating, she told me of her childhood and previous marriages (note: ) but seemed to be a strong woman, a survivor rather than a victim. Thus, I never felt like I had to "rescue" her. As our relationship progressed, she maintained that she "never wanted to be a burden on me."

Yet that's what she turned out to be. When things got tough and she needed "rescuing," she would come to me, (virtual) hat in hand, and insist, "I hate to ask you this..."

However, in reading Schreiber's site, I think The Leopard may have been more of The Waif (which is the "damsel" in another guise). However you slice it, she played a great game on me, but when she turned, it was no less traumatic and painful than had she played it any other way.

What I have come to realize is that she found out what my "soft spots" were based on my own FOO issues, and tailored her behavior to that. This is why her "I'm fiercely loyal" comment originated, as obviously, she was anything but.

I think they prefer a dumb - sell.
My H's OW is so dumb that she looks at him as if he were the pope. Totally in owe. She is uneducated and has never read a book in her life.
H is highly educated...however he like to always be right and she will for sure tell him how right he is. GRRRRR I am so mad today...bad day for me!
blessing

You did the right thing Fred. Trust me, fogbabble is over-rated as a source of entertainment!

Not me I don't do the dumb thing. Thats what makes me so awesome Lol

Hey fred, or BC , or Zelmo start a thread so we can share what to avoid and how to help BPDs both male and Female..


You guys are the vets

Chai,

You stated and asked

The answer is BOTH!

Yup you got it. I think most of us guys would like to have a bit of both. ON the whole the self-sufficient W who wants to be with you and enjoys your company is the best. But, that also means she can walk off at any time because she doesn't need us.

The reality is that most men LIKE taking care of their women. We derive joy from that and yes focus. Many of the laws in this land are biased toward women because...men don't mind. We view it as our duty to protect, take care of, and look after our W's and family.

So Chai have I confused you yet? I think BC pointed out the John Wayne approach but it goes back to the days of chivalry where men threw their coats in a mud puddle to protect the woman's shoes, opened doors for them, helped them out of carriages and such. We have been trained/brainwashed by most of the important women in our lives that women are special and we should not mistreat them, in fact we should take care of them.

I prefer an independent woman that NEEDS me. How is that for a definite "maybe"?

JL

Not ,me, JL. Chivalry will bit you in the buttocks. I prefer an equal. Most men do mind biased laws. Same with women, IMO.

This is why I will never find a suitable husband.

I want someone who likes to take care of me. I LIKE not handling the more important things. I like not having to worry.

But of course I can't say this because this makes me a gold-digger.

Try sugardaddy.com Karma. Or, maybe someone could adopt you.

I don't want to raise some elses kid, so , IMO anyone who plays the scarlet oHara card with me will lose.

I acknowledge women as different, but equal and expect a partner in life that tells the truth and will pull their weight in a relationship. Sometimes my end will be heavier and sometime hers will.

I hate women with all the lights on and nobody home. Well I don't hate them, I just avoid them pretty much and try to stay away from those who talk about their BFs and complain about the husband. As a matter of fact I steer away from all people who only have bad things to say to start a convo.

BPD women are not "dumsels in distress" all the time tho many times they are very smart, they just seem so "confused". Sometimes its an act, sometimes its not, its hard to know when they are lieing to you or to themselves. All wrapped up in that maintaining a sense of mystery crap and with the tears and "you just don't understand!' s we might just fall into the web.

I am guilty of wanting to have a relationship with an equal, (but different), partner but I also would like to bring some form of "man the protector" to the relationship. I guess thats allways going to be a mystery to me then.

Nothing more boring than having a relationship with someone that you have to take care of, IMO. I'm not talking about helping each other out and depending on each other. But, a constant dependency, without reciprocity, would drive me nuts.
I have 5 kids. That is enough.

I don't mean that I'd suck the resources out of someone. I meant in the sense of...someone being willing to fight for me.

As in the sense of, if I'm hassled by some rude guy, the guy with me defending me. Someone like, say, runnerboy, who went to some great lengths to fight for his WW. I'd like a man I can respect, not someone who would bow to my every whim.

I certainly don't mean being "kept" or a gold-digger. I also don't mean that I don't want to work, I do. Maybe I should have clarified first..

It seems like it either has to be black or white, either you have to want someone to do everything for you or you have someone who's whipped.

What would you suggest he do with the rude guy? Maybe he could pay for the guy to attend a course by Amy Vanderbilt. Or, perhaps, a duel. Yeah, a duel, and you could watch.

Say a few words to make him go away. What else?

Like "shooo" ?

Its the most interesting thing too. Last wife used to say to me when I would have a problem with her having adult male friends that I just couldn't handle having a girlfreind who had a brain and was her intellectual equal. This was at the beginning of the relationship and in her drinking days.

When she was fighting for me to come home after I left her with her booze she told me how I was right and how I shouldn't have any female friends of a personal nature, (which I didn't when married or even when I was going with someone), and that she felt it was so important for women to be counseled by thier pastor or another women and Men by Men. I allready agreed to these things but she seemed to need to tell me how she believed in those things then.

ANd in the end, when she secretly started substance abuse and eventually got hooked so bad she was no longer the woman my children and I knew for ten years but resembled the drunk I left once for two years. She told all of her new druggie freinds that she had to leave because, "He just can't take care of me anymore"
Even those ppl thought she was scummy and told me so. These ppl would let her suffer as they ripped her off for drugs and they saw how selfish she had become.

She had left me for a coke-head businessman and was selling him the same al dumsel in distress crap that I never bought. He did tho.

"She's with me."

Etc.

In my experience, that's usually all that's needed.

true that..

Are you mute, by any chance?

No, but I am in possession of a small stature. Men who tend to hassle women tend to be a good deal taller than me.

This is why I am hesitant to go very many places alone at night.