Hang in there, Pat. You are doing a great job. Try not to react and use JL's response. Your WW is half out of her mind right now. OM seems to hold no safety net for her and she is panicked that you may not either. IT IS SIMPLT RANTING!!!

God's Blessings,

Say

Here's another response, stolen from the old Superman series , the episode where "Bet a Million" Butler, has made a wager that he can rob a bank in Metropolis without interference from Superman: "No comment until the time limit is up."
Pretty cryptic and it may date you. But, you can use it if you like.

Just googled it. It's on Youtube. I would record it and play it to your WW whenever she attacks you.

She's just letting off steam. Don't try and argue with her. When she blows up again just walk off.

This is gold!

But understand, she may momentaraly blow up when you say it.

x2

Pat...

When dealing with a WW there is either conflict or appeasement.

Just remember...at this point in time..."CONFLICT" is good.

Dr. Harley address the 3 stages of relationships:

1. Intimacy
2. Conflict
3. Withdrawal

The only way to get to "intimacy" is through "conflict" and "conflict" is much better than withdrawal.

Keep her engaged. Through "conflict" you STILL have a relationship. Stay calm and charge nuetral.

"Charge Nuetral" means - you are continually pushing your agenda (stating your boundaries such as she must go "no contact" AND if she goes to see OM again...you are done [remember...she is the one trying to keep her options open so you are merely directing her on how she prevent permanently closing HER Patriot option]) but you do so very calmly. You can't force her to do any of this but only light the path which she can choose to take or not. Raising your voice or getting angry won't do a bit of good. When she gets loud you get quieter. When she screams...you whisper. But you keep charging and not avoiding "conflict".

She can't manipulate you anymore. YOU have the power...the power of understanding. The power of the knowledge that no matter how this turns out YOU will be OK. There isn't anything left to fear. YOU will make it and hopefully, for HER sake, she'll come along with you.

Mr. Wondering

Okay by me if you want to preserve the Superman line, as well, Pep. Truly a classic and works in all types of situations.

I'll think about it ... and get back to you .....

Searching high and low? Like Fred and Barney "Oh we searched high and low, for Miss Waterbuffalo."

hmmm - not even sure if context is good or bad - odd text. I would say she seems a bit rattled while texting.

Pat - qq

You did get yourself a digital voice recorder? I think I read that earlier - make sure it is ready.

Pep,

You are more than welcome to "cherry pick". I am glad you find it of use/interesting.

JL

Well it's over. She wents nuts tonight and I had to call the police. They removed her in cuffs and the kids were here. She went nuts when she found out about the letters saying I was the better parent. She started saying I was coming around and so on. Now I'm going behind her back and that was it. She started hitting and trowing and breaking stuff. But THANK YOU ALL I had a recorder on me. She told the cops I hit her and stuff, but they knew she was crazy. It was the worst thing I have ever wittnessed. She was on the ground begging them not to take her and such and the kids were losing it. Now she is calling and I have to go in the morning to bail her out. I told her to call the OM. She said we don't have that type of relationship. Then she tells me to drop the restraining charges. She has called non stop crying and asking me to take her back. No, now she's not sure, just come and get me out. This has gone to a new level of crazy. Everyone is telling me to take out a restraining order and get her out. I don't know what's right anymore.

DO NOT BAIL HER OUT.

GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.

Pat, this brought tears to my eyes, although not entirely for you. I am SO glad you listened to the advice you were getting about the recorder. So many people, receiving excellent advice, elect to ignore it until it's too late. You didn't, and as sorry as I am for you, and your children who witnessed their mother's nuclear meltdown, it could've been a lot worse if you had not had that "deflector shield" against her false accusations. Good on you.

tl

WOW -

I know of Travis Cty jail - she will have a rough night with crack hos and screaming lunatics. Bailed a few friends out of there. At this time of night - lucky if she gets out by noon. Processing time is slow there.

That could have been you - you dodged a bullet tonight.

I figured reading the email could snap her - Make sure your computer is secure - she CANNOT find the website. your support line will be lost.


Crazy crap - I hope she has hit bottom now and will get some help. As she sits in the cell with jail smock - it will be in for a long and probably the most terrible night of her life.

You are lucky it was her who went to the clink. Many times the Guy goes cuz the girl claims she was the victem. happened to me when I told my wife I was calling the landlord and going to move out with the kids because I wasn't going to support her affair. I had arm in a sling and she jumped me and started smackin me with the phone. Well I pushed her off me and I called the police. She talked to them first and did the innocent act and I went to jail.

In the long run its where she needed to go for the night. Don't feel like its your fault at all. Reality will set in and she will learn something or she will blame everyone else for it. Its up to her really. You were just protecting yourself and the integrity of the childrens lives.

Don't feel guilty about it. Empathy sure but no sympathy attachment. Let her own her issues so she can grow up.

Do not bail her out.

Do not tell WW to get the OM to bail her out. She knows he can't or won't bail her out. Telling her so is only educating a WW. They will go to their grave admitting to you that OM is not really there to meet her needs. This is why you never educate a WW.

Do get a restraining order. Before she tries to get one on you.

You are probably right Road. I think any way you look at it he should go to thecourthouse and get a restraining order first thing in the morning.

She will probably come out of the clink madder than a wet hen and find someone she can get to stand next to her in court and say he is abusive.

Listen, if you crack and insist on bailing her out because you think its gonna help your marriage please please get the restraining order first. Don't worry they serve breakfast there and they even have bathrooms.

I hope you listen about this but if we don't hear from you by tommorrow afternoon I will figure that she had you locked up.

Trust us, it wont kill her to spend half a day there. You can either refuse to bail her and go to the courthouse/police 1st thing in the morning or likeI said if you crack, tell her you are on your way and go to the courthouse /police 1st thing in the morning.

Go to the courthouse first thing in the morning bro. Your kids will thank you for it by the fact that you will be lessening the drama for them.
Also local courthouses allow you to get temporary custody of the children. All you have to do is file.


Prayin for ya

Coming from a veteran of the use of Digital Voice Recorders, very well played sir. The best advice I can give you is to take out the restraining order on her. If it comes down to divorce, it will help you greatly later as it will be a ding against her in the Domestic Violence category and a ding in the emotional stablility category. FIle for the TRO this morning before SHE can.

- take pictures of all the broken stuff
- if necessary, subpoena the arresting officer
- get a copy of the police report

Start thinking about what kind of custody arrangements you want - chances are you can get WHAT you want in temporary orders through the restraining order process. This is why MANY women file false charges - it makes it very easy to "win" the divorce as the burden of proof for restraining orders is 51% to get one passed.

{{{{{Pat and kiddo's}}}}},

WOW!! ...

First off I want to tell you kudos on calling the police. Many a man won't do even when they should because of embarrassment. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing......makes me wonder WHO the hotel security was really called on that night with her and OM though......

Second, the circumstances have changed. DRASTICALLY....... The ball is totally in your court now. My advice is to get that restraining order, pack up her stuff, and write that Plan B letter. The Plan B letter should be a loving letter on how you want to work this but that it is not an option until she meets the requirements and ends all contact with OM. ( oh and you should clear out all funds from the bank before she does.....I GUARENTEE her first stop upon getting released will be to the bank......money is the one thing waywards who are the bread winners is the first thing they use to manipulate the BS).....

Set up an intermiderary right away and go into Plan B. Let her hit rock bottom.....it is the most loving thing you can do for HER and your children right now....

And pay close attention to your children right now. You are the sane parent and they KNOW this. I would also go to each of their teachers and let them know what your IRS are going through. DO NOT sugar coat it. Tell them your wife is having an affair and it has caused Immeasurable strife at home.....

I am sorry for this turn of events but am CONVINCED that you are at a critical juncture here. What you do right now could make all the difference.....

Hang in there....you are doing BEAUTIFULLY AWESOME!!!!

Not2fun

Ps.....this episode isn't unusual either....seen it a bazillion times.....