Seems unfair. I did not cheat , yet she gets the kids and I see them less frequently. Strange culture we have, where infidelity is a non-factor in custody. Pretty tough to swallow.
OM had greater access to my kids than I do, when he was still on the scene.

Hey Z,

Not much time but yes, I do battle, from time to time, with the thought that part of the reason I'm in this predicament is because of factors completely out of my control. I am "sharing" because Skattorney is engulfed in a world of selfishness and shortsightedness.

Eventually, I realize that have MY WORLD -- a world where I can take care of myself, and give my boys all of the support that I can while we navigate this tempest.

This has been anything but a picnic for me, Z, but I'll tell you, I'm much more in tune with their needs, I'm more supportive of them, and in all honesty, I just think I'm a better father as a result. And all of this while having them half of the time. I have ALWAYS been a good father to them, but this sitch has allowed me to make improvements in certain areas.

Not perfect and still have work to do, but that's MY WORLD, and I'll continue to focus on it. THAT is a good thing.

Thanks,
TB

I agree on the becoming a beter parent deal. TB. When you are not dodging the abuse from a disordered spouse, you are way better with the kids.

One of the most unjust problems for men when involved in a divorce. Ironically stats show women start the divorce in greater numbers. Maybe because the downside is minimal for them. Collect spousal support, CS and latch on to another man. Almost like a lotto jack pot.

Higher % of parent on child assault among women, too, I've read. Same with assaults on the elderly.
Okay, stand back.

Sucks to be were you are.

Has WW moved onto another OM?

glad you brought that up - do a search on dom violence on men is on the rise as well - patriot got a piece of that last night.

Cpl of months ago - watched a show on cable called Snapped - never realized that it was as common. Almost all cases revolved adultery. No big surprise I guess.

Tell me about it. She had me legally kicked out of the house AND moved the homeless, unemployed OM in. I had to support her, the kids, and POSOM. Before we settled on the custody, I saw the kids 15 / 108 days and POSOM saw them 93/108 days.

Not sure. I do not keep track. Kids say she has vowed to be alone for the duratio,
Historically, she has been an OW with two married men, slept with her soccer coach in HS and had a lot of male attention. I think she probably has a lil'sumpin'/sumpin' going on.

Well, if you are a well educated male with kids in the 3-7 age group and a WW who is a SAHM, you are looking at over 2K per month in child support if you go with the every other weekend scam. If you think of it as a 12 year annuity, your ex spouse is looking at close to a 400K annuity until the kids become emancipated if the dad makes 6 figures. Since child support is tax free income, the exspouse is looking at 26K per year tax free! That's equivalent to a 35K / year job.

In my case, POSOM knew this. ExWW could get a job making about 30K, plus my child support, she is pulling in 60K which isn't too bad. POSOM was very angry with exWW for agreeing to our 50/50 custody agreement as they couldn't live on relative easy street on my money. Financially, I would be paying her less with the every other weekend scam than what I pay currently with the 50/50.

It's outrageous, isn't it! I'm sorry you got the shaft!

What I don't understand in your own personal situation is, your wife was diagnosed with BPD and yet you were never given full custody? Was the Judge on drugs?

I would think an attorney, like you, would take up the cause of seeing this changed legislatively? I'm sure groups like, Focus On The Family, and others would love your help with this effort too. Just a thought.....

If I remember right, this chaos of no fault was all created during the efforts to pass the Equal Rights Ammendment.

Another item that does bother me when the OM has more visibilty than the father is the spectrum of abuse - sexual or physical. This is where I dont understand what WW are thinking. They are setting up their children for a life of misery in a lot of cases.

For children - adultery of their parents is evil.

Another reason for exposure - its their family thats getting imploded.

there is a segment of our society - lost children - that researchers are looking into. These are kids in which their parents are divorced and remarried. Each parent now has bio and step children with their new spouse. Their parent is engrossed in the new blended dynamics; meanwhile the son or daughter of the original couple is an outcast to both families. One bright side is that grandparents can fill the void - very disturbing how many of these kids are out there.

Many of my kid's friends fit in the pigeonhole, none have the means to go to college (no spare change between two families), and all have had some drug problems one way or another. One bright kid is sitting in Huntsville at 22yrs for next 10 yrs for burglery - 4th time caught.

I haven't even seen mine in three years.

No diagnosis, tst. Just my amateur take on the BPD.

There is some progress by fahter's rights groups in this area. But, a SAHM really has the upper hand. One good reason no man should agree to his wife not working and doing the SAHM deal, IMO. It sets the man up for getting creamed.
I am in the same boat as PSU. I pay $2300 in child support and another $216 for childcare, until recently.
I discovered that , for the last two years, she had not used childcare, yet she pocketed the money and did not tell me that expense had dried up as the OM was doing it.
Now, he is gone. But, the kids are old enough and her work scheduled obviates the need for childcare. So, I no longer pay it.

I dunno Zelmo, I would never agree that a SAHM has the upper hand..... It might look that way from where you sit, but ask any SAHM that never wanted a divorce what she thinks! Though you may have no compassion for your X's, I'm sure you have a great deal of compassion for SAHM's that are faced with a WH.

My wife being a SAHM is very important to both her and me.

Have you ever read on the site mediaRADAR.org about the accuracy of DV reporting?

I don't think condemning all SAHM's is the answer. I agree that there are a lot of issues with child custody law, but advocating that all mothers work outside the home, necessitating that all children be practically raised by daycare centers or babysitters, hardly seems like the answer.

well, then I think it is safest for the dad to stay at home, as well. Perhaps each could work part time.
Bottom line, if on spouse allows the other to appear as the "primary caregiver" , that spouse runs the risk of being at a big disadvantage in a custody dispute.
Seems the courts place little importance on "breadwinning" as constituting caregiving.
Nowadays, 70% of advanced degrees go to women. So, there would seem to be a valid argument that more dads should be the ones staying home, as the women have higher earning power.
I raised my two boys virtually by myself when they were young. It is tough.

No. what does it say?

In a perfect world, two part-time jobs would equal one full-time income, but it doesn't usually work that way. Most part-time jobs offer no benefits, so the family would be left in a fix as far as health-care and other benefits go.

A better answer would be to legally redefine the term "primary caregiver." Yes, I stay home with the baby all day while my H works, but his job is providing for her needs just as much as my care is. And, when he's home, my H does just as much for the baby as I do. We view ourselves as equal partners when it comes to parenting, and that's as it should be.

I have no problem with SAHD's, but in our case, my H's earning potential is much higher than mine, so he works and I stay home. I know couples who have done it the other way around. I don't think it really matters.

I live near an urban area where it's common for well-off families to hire nannies to cook, clean the house, and take care of the kids while both parents are away from the home working way more than the standard 40 hours a week. I just don't see the point in having children if all you're going to do is hire someone else to raise them for you.