OK...this is the bad part of this crap. I can't sleep...mind racing....I'm up and down....even my sweet babies (dogs)sleeping and snoring in my bed doesn't help. I hate not getting sleep. I feel like hell the next day. Productivity has been off and this won't help. AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Got any benydril? it helps sometimes

How about going outside and beating the hell outaa a punching bag?

running? letting off steam?

probably pent up anger and frustration anyways it will get better

I'm hoping process server will take my advice that I know exactly where H can be found and at what time....of course, it's his DOCTORAL SEMINAR which meets one evening a week and OW is probably in there since its for students near completing degree!!! Process server wouldn't have to wait around for H at office or OW's apartment.

I have to get more details from attorney, but if I understand our state divorce law, if I file for adultery there is no waiting period. I'm meeting with attorney Thursday again to discuss what my options are and the letter should have gone out today saying all contact should go through attorney. Of course, I have heard exactly zero from H.

Didn't think of benedryl....thanks....I just popped one. I keep them around for allergies but they do make me drowsy.

My dogs are so cute. I'm sitting in bed with laptop while they snooze so peacefully. Maybe I'll be able to settle down.....

This site is a lifesaver. How wonderful to be able to get to talk at will with others who understand what you're going through. I don't feel so quite alone, especially now, in the middle of the night. Thanks to everyone here who's been listening to my story and helping me through this.

I miss my mother. In her healthier days, she would have been in my corner and been a great supporter. She was a very loving, smart and independent lady who I loved and admired. She was a mother and friend and wise. She would have had some sage advice, I'm sure, about my situation with H.

I have been off my exercise....I need to get back to running. I just haven't had the mental energy and I haven't been eating much and I feel weaker than usual. I need to get my physical health back on track with healthy regular eating and exercise. Probably another reason I'm up in the middle of the night. I feel totally out of kilter physically and emotionally.

Made me laugh, good attitude gal

My daughter of 25 says the same thing about her Mom, There was a time when my late wife was so together. I know I will never have another love like that again. Still when she got sick after relapsing into alcohol. Well life is to short and precious for us to mourn forever but I still am not together yet so late nights are common to me.

I am glad to be of service to people and its great to be needed.

these guys here all have something to offer in their wisdom. I came here to sort out my feelings of guilt and remorse and it has been a Godsend for me too.

I am so sorry about your mother LLL. What a double blow to lose her at a time your WH has gone off his rocker.

I wanted to encourage you to get back to your exercise routine. When my D Day hit last May I had been running several times a week and even completed a 5K in early April. I was so devastated and so consumed with the investigative process that I just let my running go. For 6 months. What a mistake. I am back now, but I sure wish I had not let it go. So you are only 5 weeks out and you have time to jump back into your exercise routine. It will make you feel better. I could tell the difference immediately when I started back walking then running.

Oh and I lost a lot of weight too. Went from 135 is down to 112. Couldn't eat. For months. My neighbor was practically spoon feeding me. It gets better though.
((LLL)))

Stay strong LLL, take care of yourself right now- your body needs that- eat something... I had friends taking me to eat lunch just to make sure I took a few bites a day.. I remember asking one friend "Have I eaten enough yet? Will you report back to my family I ate a good lunch." So from far far away, please eat and rest...go to the doctor and ask for something to help with the sleep- your body needs it to function...

(((LLL)))

This is just the beginning LLL> No matter what overcoming a 29 year M takes time.
That said, do not divorce him yet. Give it about a year before you do so.
I know that you still love him, even if you are so rational you still have feelings for him. Do not rush into anything now...only the next meal and the next good night sleep.
Blessing

Hey SW,

I can SOOOOO relate. I went from a semi-padded 183 down to gaunt-like 157.

LLL, it got better for me, too. I don't anticipate ever morphing back into 'Dough-Boy', but I'd rather not revisit the days of being 'Emaciated-Boy'.....

TB

I'm right there with you. I am back to 125 and hope to stay there. But 112 is waaaaaay to thin for my 5'6" frame. The thing is, it was physically impossible to put food in my mouth. And chewing? Forget it.

Glad those days are gone.

LLL, I ran a full marathon (26.2 miles) two days after Dday! Which means I had a total of about 6 hours sleep. It was not my finest moment (but I finished!).

Afterwards I was completely drained. I ran infrequently, but I did a 10K on Thanksgiving Day and another two 10Ks in December.

Despite all that, it's been hard to get into a regular routine again. Granted, Old Man Winter has had his say in the matter, but I used to be someone who ran four to five days a week.

I'll get back to it. Part of the problem is that my mind starts going into "free association mode" when I'm running, and that's not very good for me these days...

Once you get back into your running, you will wonder why you ever let it slip to the bottom of the pile.

Look after LLL.

Stay strong ..... and healthy.

LLL, PLEASE get them to serve the papers in WH's class. I'd love to see a picture of OW's face in front of her fellow grad student's also while that occurs.

When I was at the stage you are now I couldn't sleep and food tasted like dust. I called my doc and asked for an AD and sleep meds. You might not need the AD but I'm in the mental health field and I knew I needed one. The sleep meds might help you function more effectively.

I am sorry about your mom. As I mentioned my dad was dying during H's A. We have recovered but I required a lot from him to make up for the double whammy he caused me.

Finally, your memory about your time with H and having a good M. There are many Ms that are pretty good when an A hits. Mine was one of them. In our case all of the stars were aligned properly for an A to occur. Add a predatory OW to the mix and there you go. Your WH right now has totally rewritten your history to justify his A. It's very common. I think my H convinced himself we never loved each other and never had any sex in the 26 years we were together. You're H will be a sorry man one day.

Hang in there. You're doing great!