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Oh yes, perfectly normal. The emotional baggage will be back soon.
Make the most of your light mood. Over time the lighter moods will become longer than the darker ones and you will be able to see things a lot clearer. Yup, it came back last night.... Wasn't bad, just a knot in my stomach. This morning though, I started crying again in the car on the way into work. Last night I started to get angry about it, this morning I've been flipping back and forth between anger and sadness. I keep telling myself that it's time to give up. All I get from her is the fog babble (or whatever y'all call it). When we do see each other, she'll kiss me everynow and then and she'll kiss me goodnight when she leaves to go back to the hotel. I'll tell her "I love you.", sometimes she'll say it back, sometimes she won't. Right now I feel like she's just using me. That she's just playing the game until her surgery in February. It's so hard to plan A her right now, because I don't know what to talk to her about when we're together, because all I can think about is how to fix our marriage. She tell the MC that she needs affection from me, but when I try to show affection she pushes me away. I hate this damn roller coaster, I want off, its making me sick. I've lost almost 25 lbs since December, not that I'm complaining, I needed to lose that weight, but its the wrong way to lose it.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Are you able to monitor NC?
If you can then sit tight.
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Are you able to monitor NC?
If you can then sit tight. Yes and no.... I can monitor her cell phone activity, i.e. phone calls and number of text message sent (can't tell who she's texting though). Since she told me she ended it with OM, her texting has gone down considerably and she hasn't called him from her cell phone. Unfortunately, with her in the hotel, I'm pretty sure she was having him call the hotel phone or while at work calling her work phone. I also can't monitor her online activity because her computer is in the hotel. She may have also purchased a new cell phone (prepaid or new contract), she did this once before a few years ago using her parents credit card. She could have done the same thing or used one of the credit cards I don't have online access to. I have a key to the hotel room, but if went in there and she found out, what little trust she has in me would be broken. So I really can't monitor NC. She did say that he's still trying to contact her, i.e. when she plays World of Warcraft, IM's, e-mail, etc. I don't know if he's trying to call her or not. I know he called on Monday and told her that I spoke with his parents.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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It sounds like you are getting near the time for Plan B. And I would suggest moving to Plan B before her surgery. That feeling of everything being OK is you really over her, and you don't want to get there while in Plan A.
So, do you have an intermediary set up? Have you been working on a Plan B letter?
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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It sounds like you are getting near the time for Plan B. And I would suggest moving to Plan B before her surgery. That feeling of everything being OK is you really over her, and you don't want to get there while in Plan A.
So, do you have an intermediary set up? Have you been working on a Plan B letter? Yes I have an intermediary and have my plan B letter drafted: My Dearest WW,
This is the hardest letter I�ve ever had to write, because I love you so much. I remember the weekend we spent in the Hocking Hills, where we were so happy and in love. The way you smile at me melts my heart and your beautiful blue eyes burn deep in to my soul. I have and always will believe in you, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. It pains me now that I must make this difficult decision.
I�ve been sick for the last year or so without knowing it and this illness has caused me to say and do things that were hurtful to you. I wish I knew what was going on with me sooner so I could have gotten help and kept you from the pain I caused. I failed to keep the lines of communication open with you so that I could better understand what was needed in our marriage. While my depression was an outside cause for many of the issues we�ve had, I take full responsibility for my actions and I am truly sorry.
This past month for me has been such an eye opener and an emotional roller coaster for me. I learned that I had been suffering from depression; something I never would have thought could effect me. I have learned so much about myself and our marriage over these past weeks and I am making permanent changes to myself, and I have no doubt in my mind that we can rebuild a new and better marriage together.
It is with a heavy heart that I must now tell you that I can no longer support this affair, as I need to protect the love that I have for you. I�m asking that you refrain from contacting me through all lines of communication (e-mail, phone, text messages or instant messaging). I have spoken with Priest XXXX and he has agreed to serve as an intermediary for us. Please direct any correspondence through Priest XXXX and I will let him determine what information to pass on to me.
During this time of healing, I cannot support you financially as that would relay the idea that I support your affair. Please remove my name from all your credit card accounts. The money in the joint account is yours to do with as you please. As for your remaining belongings in the house, please send me an e-mail detailing the items you wish to have and I will have them packed and ready to go on a date that we both agree upon. As for your cell phone, please obtain your own contract and a new phone and return the phone you now possess so that I can give it to Briana. Please make sure to reset the phone, deleting all contacts, text messages, pictures, etc.
When you are ready to recover our marriage, you only need to end the affair, never contact him again and ask Priest XXXX to let me know the affair is over. We can talk about the details of our recommitment then.
It is my sincere hope that someday we will be able to start a new marriage, one that will bloom and blossom into something great. I want us to be able to meet each other�s needs so that we can both enjoy the bliss that comes with a great love. I love you and I always will and I want to restore our marriage into something better than we ever dreamed about. When you are ready to come home, I will welcome you home with open arms and forgiveness.
Love,
Tremal The only problem I have with Plan B, is that she has supposedly ended it with OM and is willing to work on our marriage. Plus there is a weekend marriage workshop that she wants to go to the day after surgery (surgery is outpatient and will only take about an hour). I wouldn't say I have a feeling of everything is OK, I still love her and I miss her. But at the same time, I can't stand the ups and downs of my emotions. I'm not sure executing plan B will help with the emotional rollercoaster.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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"I have a key to the hotel room, but if went in there and she found out, what little trust she has in me would be broken"
Why/how do you have the key?
Possession implies privilege to use.
Trust issue is backwards. You did not bang the OM.
WW did.
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You have waited this long then wait till after the surgery.
Is the weekend marriage workshop scheduled and paid for?
Who is this workshop with?
You have a lifetime to be divorced. This work S will be the turning point. Either WW is making hollow promises, or it will start her on recovery.
Sit tight till then. Get your ducks in a row for possible plan B if needed. Letter composed. 3rd party to handle contact.
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Why/how do you have the key? When we checked her into the hotel, they gave her two keys. She asked if I wanted the other key, so I took it.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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You have waited this long then wait till after the surgery.
Is the weekend marriage workshop scheduled and paid for?
Who is this workshop with?
You have a lifetime to be divorced. This work S will be the turning point. Either WW is making hollow promises, or it will start her on recovery.
Sit tight till then. Get your ducks in a row for possible plan B if needed. Letter composed. 3rd party to handle contact. Workshop is with the Family Dynamics Institute, they claim a that 75% of the couples that go through there program/workshop stay married. The workshop is called A New Beginning (link). I can e-mail the brochure to anyone who wants it. Yes the weekend is scheduled and paid for. I believe they use some of Dr. Harley's methods, as they they use his book Fall in Love, Stay in Love as part of the workshop. You get a copy of the book as part of it, its actually FedExed to you after you register as you have to read certain sections as part of your homework before the weekend. You also get a copy of Dr. John Gottman's Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.
Last edited by Tresmal; 01/29/10 09:50 AM.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Posts: 192
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"I have a key to the hotel room, but if went in there and she found out, what little trust she has in me would be broken"
Why/how do you have the key?
Possession implies privilege to use.
Trust issue is backwards. You did not bang the OM.
WW did. Well the trust issue comes from the way I treated her this past year during my depression. We got into a fight back in May, because she wanted to go to a church service 6 hours away, because the head of the church was holding service there. For some reason or other I didn't want to go (I think we were tight on cash at the time). Right before she left to go with her parents, we got into a fight about it, and I told her "If you go, don't bother coming back!". Don't know why I even said it, but I called her a little while later and appologized. There was another time where I packed her bags and put them by the door, she had taken the day off work because she wasn't feeling well but didn't tell me because she thought I would get mad. So she put on her scrubs and went out right before I got home so I wouldn't know she took the day off. Unfortunately, I came and something was off. I had to call her to have her pick something up on her way home and she usually doesn't answer her cell at work so I call her work number and one of the other girls told me she had called in sick. Needless to say I was pissed and packed her bags, thinking she was out messing around. These two incidents, plus short temper (short temper was caused by the depression, never had a problem with it before) are why she doesn't trust me. As well as the fact that every time we've been this situation we always say we're going to work on our marriage and then we just fall right back into the same routine so she's afraid that the same thing will happen. We've never been to a marriage counselor or anything before, so I'm hoping, praying this time will be different.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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OK, so I've been trying to think of some ways to Plan A WW on our "date" nights. She comes over to the house on Monday, Friday and Sunday and we meet at church on Wednessday nights. Friday or Sunday are our "date" nights. SssssooOOOoOOoO.... I was thinking, because of my wife's cystic fibrosis she led a fairly sheltered life with her parents and never went to her high school prom. I was thinking, next week what I'll do is:
1. Leave work a little early on Thursday.
2. Pick up some balloons and single rose.
3. Tie the rose to the balloons with an invitation for Friday night.
4. Get her fancy dress and shoes out of the closet.
5. Head down to her hotel room and put the dress and shoes on the bed with the balloon, rose and invitation above it.
6. Rent a tux.
7. Rent a limo.
8. Friday night pick her up in the limo and take her out to a fancy restaraunt for dinner.
9. Have the living room set up prom style with champagne on ice and some nice slow dancing music, fireplace and candles.
10. After dinner, blind fold her and have the limo take us home.
11. Have a "prom", just the two of us in the living room.
Is it too much? I mean I used to do these "romantic" things all the time....Just haven't done them lately. Might have my daughter help set up the living room for me.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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What kind of marriage?
Wife can't tell H she called in sick because H is a nut job.
WW called in sick without telling BH so she could go and bang an OM.
Probably a little of both.
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What kind of marriage?
Wife can't tell H she called in sick because H is a nut job.
WW called in sick without telling BH so she could go and bang an OM.
Probably a little of both. Actually I believe her about being sick....She had pneumonia at the time and been trying to fight it at home. We ended up admitting her to the hospital for a week to fight off the infection.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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So Saturday, WW asks me to go with her to get her oil changed and have her tires rotated and balanced 'cause her car has been shaking and she didn't want to sit around waiting for them to do the work. So I meet her at the garage we take the cars to and go have an early dinner. On the way to the restaraunt she tells me that she figures she'll stay in the hotel for a little while longer, but we can start moving her stuff back into the house the week before we go down for the marriage workshop and that she'll move back in when we get back from the workshop.
I asked her why she wanted to wait until then and she said she liked the way things were working right now. Where we get together a couple times a week and have a date night (just the two of us) on Friday nights. I told her the date nights and family time don't have to stop, I was wanting to make the date night a permanent thing.
She didn't really say anything and the subject changed shortly after. I guess this a good sign, don't really know. I'm still suspicious of her motives though.
Friday night we had a really good date. I won't into too much detail, but we both got a little drunk. When I brought her back to the hotel room, we were kissing goodbye and I guess I got I may have started to into it a little and she pushed me away saying "I don't think we're there yet.". I didn't respond to it and just left ('course in the back of my mind was "WTF, we're married.")
Anyway, there's my update for today.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Had an appointment with the MC yesterday, by myself and found out that I'm extremely passive-aggressive. Who knew???? Apparently my mom knew. Talking to her last night, she said the child phsycologist I saw when I was kid identified it then. She still has the letter. So anyway MC wants to work on with me on becoming more assertive rather than passive-aggresive in our individual sessions. The funny part was, she said she's never had anyone answer yes to all the questions she asked, which put me on the extreme of both passiveness and aggressiveness. Guess I'm just really screwed up.... 
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Had an appointment with the MC yesterday, by myself and found out that I'm extremely passive-aggressive. Who knew???? Apparently my mom knew. Talking to her last night, she said the child phsycologist I saw when I was kid identified it then. She still has the letter. So anyway MC wants to work on with me on becoming more assertive rather than passive-aggresive in our individual sessions. The funny part was, she said she's never had anyone answer yes to all the questions she asked, which put me on the extreme of both passiveness and aggressiveness. Guess I'm just really screwed up.... Tresmal, there is an interesting article here about passive-aggression.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Had an appointment with the MC yesterday, by myself and found out that I'm extremely passive-aggressive. Who knew???? Apparently my mom knew. Talking to her last night, she said the child phsycologist I saw when I was kid identified it then. She still has the letter. So anyway MC wants to work on with me on becoming more assertive rather than passive-aggresive in our individual sessions. The funny part was, she said she's never had anyone answer yes to all the questions she asked, which put me on the extreme of both passiveness and aggressiveness. Guess I'm just really screwed up.... Tresmal, there is an interesting article here about passive-aggression. Great article Fred. Thanks!
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Arrggg...
Just when I thought things were starting to look up.....
I couple weeks ago I asked WW about her e-mail accounts (I knew she had a couple of them), specifically which ones she was using. She said the only one she had that she was using was the one from our ISP. At the time, I knew it was a lie. Today, she forwarded me an e-mail from a friend at church from her Hotmail account. Obviously she lied, because I know this one friend use to e-mail her on the ISP account. I used to have the password to for the hotmail account, so I tried logging in...guess what she changed it. Trust level just dropped down again. In a bad place again.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Had a couples session with the MC yesterday. The week before she asked us to each write 2 lists (really 3). List one was supposed to be what we needed/wanted from the marriage, list 2 was supposed to be the things we wanted to see change in ourselves and list 3 was to be things that we wanted to see change in our spouse. Suprisingly, after handing the lists to the MC, she said our lists were almost identical (using different words, but pretty much the same). We then each picked 3 things from each other's needs list that we wanted more clarification on. After that MC told us those are the 3 things that we need to start working on. So, interestingly enough one of hers was "Not allow outside influences". This happened to be one of the ones I asked about, while I kind of new what it meant, she clarified that instead of talking to others about our problems and life she would talk to me instead. Not sure if this is going to help, but we'll see. We each kept the other's list so we knew what each was working on. Problem is, I kind of forgot what I was supposed to work on.... Ooopsss... Guess I'll have to ask WW.... Anyway, I'm hoping things are starting to look up, but I still have a huge trust issue I'm dealing with. I find myself tempted to start snooping around again, but I've been able to restrain myself for the most part. I dropped off a card and rose in her hotel room the other day, when she wasn't there and walked right out of the room without a second thought of snooping around. I'm trying to trust her, but I'm not sure if I should right now.... Kinda sucks.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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 You have not been given all of her passwords. 
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