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I have been following your thread since post 1...its heart touching and sad to read as a family is slowly being dismantled by the selfish acts of an unfaithful spouse.
I have said many prayers for you and your family 'Patriot'.
God bless.
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This sounds like an excellent opportunity to move to plan B and let your WW stew in her own juices for a while.
1) Restraining order
2) Have an intermediary hand her a plan B letter (figure out how to legally do this with the restraining order in effect.
3) Go dark and wait for her to come crawling back.
Last edited by jmwc95; 02/03/10 08:53 AM.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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I agree with everyone else.
Restraining order.
File to have here removed from the home.
File for temporary custody and financial support.
Do not bail her out.
Go to Plan-B, include psychiatric counseling as a requirement for her return in the Plan-B letter.
Do it today!!
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Prayers for you and your children, Patriot. I pray that your not posting does not mean that you bailed her out and dropped the RO. You have been gifted an opportunity here as horrible as the experience was to get temporary custody of your children and get your WW the help that she so desperately needs.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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Prayers for you and your children, Patriot. I pray that your not posting does not mean that you bailed her out and dropped the RO. You have been gifted an opportunity here as horrible as the experience was to get temporary custody of your children and get your WW the help that she so desperately needs.
God's Blessings,
Say I agree. This has worked out well for you. Her arrest is now on record. The restraining order will be, as well. These give you a big leg up re custody. The prospect of losijg her kids and the associated stigma may bring her to her senses, limited as they may have always been.
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Pat,
I am truly sorry you and your kids find yourself in this horrible situation. I feel for you man.
I heard Dr. Harley say that a WS with abusive behavior issues needs to resolve those first before even attempting R the M.
Seems like one of your plan B conditions should be for her to go through anger management counseling.
You've shown tremendous strength under this horrible circumstances. You have the respect of a lot of people who are following your situation.
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Listen to the hard earned wisdom of PSUBIKER.
He's been there, done that, twice or thrice !!!
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Well it's over. She wents nuts tonight and I had to call the police. They removed her in cuffs and the kids were here. She went nuts when she found out about the letters saying I was the better parent. She started saying I was coming around and so on. Now I'm going behind her back and that was it. She started hitting and trowing and breaking stuff. But THANK YOU ALL I had a recorder on me. She told the cops I hit her and stuff, but they knew she was crazy. It was the worst thing I have ever wittnessed. She was on the ground begging them not to take her and such and the kids were losing it. Now she is calling and I have to go in the morning to bail her out. I told her to call the OM. She said we don't have that type of relationship. Then she tells me to drop the restraining charges. She has called non stop crying and asking me to take her back. No, now she's not sure, just come and get me out. This has gone to a new level of crazy. Everyone is telling me to take out a restraining order and get her out. I don't know what's right anymore.
Best possible thing that could happen to her at this time.
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Whatever you choose to do...
you need to do it from a standpoint of compassion and concern for the well being of you, your children and even your wife.
1. You ARE still her husband
2. IF you ever do get into a custody dispute her attorney will scrutinize your behavior and attempt to portray it as though you were the angry vindictive instigator of this whole mess.
3. There are many wonderful people on these boards that were former fog out waywards. IF your wife ever pulls her head out of her netherregions she will remember how kind and compassionate you were during the lowest moment(s) of her life and appreciate all you done to protect her and her family.
I'm not saying be soft on her...FIRM, follow through with a restraining order and state your boundaries just be calm and compassionate while doing so.
[you also don't want the mother of your children to harm herself no matter what the outcome]
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Pat
Hope and pray all is well with kids and you as much as it can be under the circumstances. Especially the little ones that had to witness the breakdown and drama.
The county jail is no fun place for a middle class business woman with kids � trust me.
The booking process before getting the stripes and chains to the small cell can be very degrading for any woman. I had to bail out my wife�s friend in Travis County a couple of years ago and it left quite an impression with her. This girl works as a stripper to boot. It took nearly 18 hrs from 7pm to the next afternoon to get it all lined up.
This will either wake her up and get on the program or she is going to go to war. Watch yourself � this experience will no doubt change her mentally for the time being.
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Pat,
I feel for you, but at the same time you need to think of your kids first. This is a woman who needs to get herself in order before being let around them.
Get the restraining order, and sole physical and legal custody until she gets her head back.
In the long term you want her mentally healthy and able to care for her kids herself, but you need to have primary custody.
Don�t take your chances to leave this to the courts. They will hoze you. PSUB is an example of female bias in the courts. His WW literally spent time in a mental ward and he caught her on tape threatening him. She has violated court orders, made false allegations against him, and has lied under oath yet she still got 50/50.
Right now you have a legal opening you should take full advantage of. You can later approach her from a position of strength.
If the situation was reversed people would tell her to get the restraining order and protective order and she would do it to use it against you in court.
Also, don't bank of affadavits. They don't matter in court and are heresay. Judges want to hear from people directly. Trust me on this. They only value first hand accounts and you must get these folks to show up and testify on your behalf under oath.
Trust me. I fought this battle.
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me too!!!....  not2fun
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Thinking of you and saying many many prayers.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Pat
Hope all is well with you and family. Let us know if OK
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I guess its for (Pat)riot.
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Yes I know.  I was asking if he was here and bumping the thread. 
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I jet hope he isn't listening to the fog and getting lost in it. I know for me when things got very intense in H's affair that happened to me..... And I stayed away from here while everyone here was worried about me!!..... Didn't help me one bit......
Pat,
What's going on???....talk to us!!!!
Not2fun
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