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no one said for her to have sex against her will or to allow forced sex on this thread .. Geesh this is digressing quick!
Have your own agenda here or what?
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Barbie, Dr. Harley HAS and DOES advise people that are having difficulty with SF in the marriage to have SF everyday for two weeks and then report back to him for additional instruction....
I think your missing the point here as well! no. Don't think so. Not even close. Origional poster did not say she NEVER wanted sex...she is saying that when he demands and she does not comply he is being abusive. There is a big difference here. Wow, you sure are filling in a lot of blanks that may or may not exist. Going off the deep end can have many meanings. He could be extremely sad, he could be extremely hurt, or insecure, or any number of things long before we get to the extreme of abusive. Don't forget, we are hearing from an admitted abuser herself, since affairs are abusive behavior. Not that such an action would excuse his abusive behavior. However, I don't see you holding HER, the one who is here, accountable for her abusive behavior. Instead, you are potentially fabricating abusive behavior on his part. Why not deal with the abuser who is here, rather than the potential abuser who isn't?
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It is a black and white issue coercing someone to have sex with you is wrong seriously I cannot believe you guys advocate this. Having sex =/= cleaning the house.  The original poster claims to LOVE her husband !!!A husband who is asking his wife to make love to him, is NEVER wrong.
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what a horrible horrible advice, no one under any circumstances should have sex with anyone hwen they don't want to. Thank God for this. I was thinking I was the only person with reason. No one has to have sex, when they do not want to. There is a policy of joint agreement (POJA) on this site, if you guys didn't know. Demanding ANY action (under threat no less) is the act of a bully. Plain and simple. Wonder if this was the WS who said if the BS did not put out every time they wanted they would throw a fit?!? (and bring up the A?) I am amazed at the terrible advice, too. I think some people are missing the forest for the trees. If one person doesn't want sex and the other does, then the POJA should introduce a solution that is mutually satisfactory. POJA often results in a solution that wasn't readily apparent to either party at the outset. Put simplistically, if one partner does not want SF, it may be possible through POJA to arrive at a solution such as a mutual bubble bath, or some activity that wasn't on the table. I agree that force and bullying and not ever an MB principle. Why do people seem to think the answers here are suggesting that? My reasoning is that it's not an 'either/or' issue. A healthy marriage has both couples address this in a mature, loving manner, using MB principles.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Have sex with him (joyfully and lovingly) whenever he asks.
Problem solved. How is this advice coerced sex?
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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...and you are regularly rejecting your husband She never said that it happens "regularly."
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MB Buds,
Even the subject line of this thread indicated that there is a hidden issue. We don't know what her BH's "deep end" is or to what degree she has tried to work on the marriage and regain his trust. FSKW's two postings did nothing to dispel the idea that we needed to hear the other side of the story. That's not likely to happen, however, because even this songbird seems to have flown our coop.
GY
D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08
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I rahter end up in divorce court than have to have sex unwillingly with someone I can't imagine the resent that I would have against my husband if he forced me to have sex.
The rewards are awesome 
It's love-making, not a power struggle (unless YOU want it to be one)
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Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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It is a black and white issue coercing someone to have sex with you is wrong seriously I cannot believe you guys advocate this. Having sex =/= cleaning the house. AMEN, Sista!!!
D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08
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It is a black and white issue coercing someone to have sex with you is wrong seriously I cannot believe you guys advocate this. Having sex =/= cleaning the house. Love =/= Sex Asking her to love him is not wrong, bulling her for sex is very very very wrong.
Last edited by lokil; 02/05/10 03:18 PM.
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I rahter end up in divorce court than have to have sex unwillingly with someone I can't imagine the resent that I would have against my husband if he forced me to have sex.
The rewards are awesome
It's love-making, not a power struggle (unless YOU want it to be one) I love my husband yet it is not my life mission to please him, we are a partnership If want person says NO then that means NO.
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bulling her for sex is very very very wrong.
Where marital sex is appreciated and encouraged. 
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bulling her for sex is very very very wrong.
Where marital sex is appreciated and encouraged.
I'm all for marital sex, betweeen consentual adults of course.
Last edited by lokil; 02/05/10 03:21 PM.
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it is not my life mission to please him 
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Lokil, I want you to think about this. This is what you said. I rather end up in divorce court than have to have sex unwillingly with someone I can't imagine the resent that I would have against my husband if he forced me to have sex. This, as a BS, is what I heard. I rather end up in divorce court and go bang my friends husband than have to have sex unwillingly with my own husband. I can't imagine the resent that I would have against my husband if he forced me to have sex. YOU can not begin to FATHOM the resentment a BS builds for a FWS that rejects her H sexually on a regular basis. The pain it causes is absolutely PALPABLE!! You do not even have an inkling of what you speak!
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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It IS my mission in life to please MY husband.
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Love =/= Sex Asking her to love him is not wrong asking, bulling her for sex is very very very wrong. lokil, just like you, fskw is unwilling to be honest about the entire situation. She also will not answer questions that may help us discern a true solution to her issue. From what little she has posted, I would say she is not being bullied, but let's see if she comes back and gives us more of the story. In the mean time............. lokil, I would advise you to read ALL of Dr. Harleys concepts, and focus heavily on the concept of Radical Honesty.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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YOU, AS AN ADULT CONSENTED WHEN YOU SAID "I DO/WILL" TAKE THIS MAN TO HAVE AND TO HOLD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD.
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