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Joined: Nov 2006
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Okay,
You know she's been fooling around and you are working on getting intel on that front. When you get it you can expose. In the meantime, you can read up on all the basic concepts, articles, Q&A's, etc. I sounds like you weren't doing a good job at meeting each others needs. Figure out what her greatest ENs are and try to start meeting them. Figure out what was causing love busters. Try and avoid that.
It sounds to me like your WW is looking for an exit affair, if she already hasn't found one. I would figure out the guys she is after, expose and get them to back off, and then keep filling up her lovebank by meeting those important needs. If you can get the other guys out of the picture, meet her needs and avoid LBs, you can get her to work on the marriage in the future.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
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The last time was sept 09 when she moved in with my friend for a week. I begged her to come back. She did, said nothing happened. I believed her. 1. This man is not, and never was your friend. 2. This man and your wife had sex. These are both facts, don't delude yourself.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 12
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 12 |
found a message this morning from one of the OM. He referenced her txts from last night....said some crap about crying about something...point is, what everyone said on here is true. She is still talking to him. I just can't believe it! She looks me in the eye, tells me I have nothing to worry about, she has been 100% faithful, and she loves me...but the facts prove she is lying. Amazing. to anyone reading this....don't ever trust your wife/husband if they will not be open with fb, email, phone, etc. She told me she was not going to allow me to control her by having her info, and that I should just trust her.....I'm really glad I found MB to get some advice otherwise! Still in shock...
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
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She is having an affair, she has had previous affairs, and yes she has had sex with some or all of these men.
So, what do you want to do?
Whats your plan?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 12
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 12 |
Thanks for the posts Gack. I am ready now for the confrontation. Monday night is the big night. I have all the pics, texts, cell logs, emails, fb messages, OM info. I am sick to my stomach, but going through. Someone close to me told me not to worry about losing her, because I don't have her to lose. My plan is to confront, let her know that I will NOT file for divorce, but am not going to continue to let her live her lie, and have me around. It won't actually be too hard because we are still seperated from the last time. We already have seperate lives, I just thought we were growing closer and working things out. So...Monday night. If there are suggestions for the controntation, let me know!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Confronting will be useless without exposing WW's parents and her siblings and your kids, OMW/GF if he is in a relationship and OM's parents.
Why are you waiting til Monday night to confront?
Best to have exposure done before you confront WW.
AND, never reveal your sources. You say I only need to reveal the truth not who told me.
This will drive WW nuts.
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Joined: Feb 2010
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Won't see her till monday night. Have babysitter lined up so kids won't be around. Don't know OM parents, but will be contacting both OM. Knew about not revealing sources, didn't know to expose first before talking to wife. Her family already knows. thanks for advice
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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Posts: 15,284 |
kayak,
I don't know what state you live in nor am I a lawyer, but I did stay at a HOliday Inn. In some states the one that files first has an advantage in the divorce proceedings and you have children to worry about. Who is taking care of the kids?
If this is a fault state you need to get this information to your lawyer NOW. Because this may well turn into a fire fight.
JL
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Joined: Feb 2010
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thanks for all the info. Blew up monday night. Decided against one on one confront because everything she says is a lie anyway. Slid letter under door with proof of her infidelity. Sent letter to boyfriend as well. Both letters pretty much just same letter from SAA, just changed names. On day three now....just excuses from her about him. The best one so far is that he is a new christian, and she needs to help him out because he is a new christian. Sorry I'm venting a bit....RE last post, I do need to take action I'm afraid, even her mom told me I should file....I just can't take the step....
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