Well Karma either his WW is a total nutcase or there were problems already before she pulled the stunt.

Most of us on this site have made mistakes that have led to marital problems. We did not all go out and have an affair but..


well we all could have gotten some counseling before things got bad and for a reason.

I would love to see Pats wife get some counseling whether she recovers with him or not. The point is matital recovery is the best for all of them. But she needs help either way. People don't have affairs without there being some reason, even if its dumb or selfish.

If you feel she is safe to be around Pat and you want to give her time to calm down that is very kind of you. I hope you arent burnt out Pat and lose your love for her in the process. You have been thru a lot.

My concern, Pat, is that she is experiencing a ton of stressful events in a short period of time, from job loss, to jail, family disruption, the mess of involving an OM in the M. All of these things can lead a fragile person to a breaking point. Please be very conscious of her right now.

If this was a BW that had been abused would anyone support her letting her abusive husband back in the house and leaving him alone with the kids?

Pat- you don't know what she is capable of. Did you think she would ever have an affair? Did you think you would ever have to call the cops on her?

PLEASE protect your children. Do not leave them with your WW.

I think that might be Pats point. She is a woman not a man. now I have two storys here.

My wife before she started drinking again had issues and we had isssues between each other but she was a great mom to the children while they were young. It wasn't untill two major things happenned that she fell apart.
1. The children got old enough to question authority,(and her and God).
2. My wife had to deal with the reality that what she really wanted to do was party like a rock star. Lots of attention and whatever drugs she could get her hands on. In my wifes head that was the true meaning of success. She got it from her died in the streets alcoholic Mom and her narcistic twisted Dad.
She just HAD to prove to them that she was better than them. She couldn't stop saving them or trying to show them how much smarter she was than them. That kind of pride is borne of pain and abuse/neglect.

When she talked to the street ppl who were cronic users they would allways say "You are not the kind of person to be in this" "Your different get out now" but Heroin doesn't care where you come from or what you did before, it takes you just the way you are. Well point is.. When she was in line with the other methadone ppl at the clinic she would hear stories about women who were in jail. disgusting stuff she said. One women who wanted to join a gang had to set her children on fire,(5) for initiation. Of coursethen there were the hookers out there too. Very nasty stuff.


Things for my wife went downhill fast when she started lieing and hiding a drug problem. After two years of waiting for her to get herself together I found out that it was the drugs, not her life, that were influencing her and making her act strange. All the while I was pleading that she seek counselors and/or her Pastor.

Now my children have to find a way to understand why they weren't important enough to her to stick around for and they also have to battle with whatever guilt she might have left them as they watched her spiral down in the last ten years untill passed away.

Mental illness takes many forms and ussually looks like it makes sense to the emotionally disturbed. The truth is its those on the outside that suffer when ppl feel entitled to destroy their life and we watch. Its only our relationship with God that keeps us from falling into the same pit with them as we try to save them.

I believe you and your wife are both suffering, she from an illusion and you from heartache Pat. Many of us have had stuff shock us into being extremely caustious when it comes to matter of the heart. A biblical quote.

Proverbs 4:23 (King James Version)

23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

It takes time and the help of others outside the marital union to keep us all objective. Keep seeking counsel because it is the wisest thing you can do.

God Bless

I appreciate what all are saying, but I am 100% sure my kids are safe with her. Did I think she would have an affair..no. But we all know that given the right circumstances things can happen. NOT condoning, so don't beat me, I'm just saying we have all been tempted from time to time, difference is we remembered we're married. Yes, the fact that her job is now on the line, the OM is out of the picture (pretty sure for now) and the jail thing are all pretty bad. Not to mention that the neighbors all know she was arrested makes it tough. She is fine one minute, then I get the rath about having her arrested and calling her friends. Believe me, if there is one person not cut out for a night in jail, it was her. No talk in a couple days about anything to dramatic. The occasional anger, not much more. She showed me her phone records and itinerary for the coming weeks when she travels and I didn't even ask. I'm not sure if she is trying, or if she was told to play nice until her charges come up. Not real sure. Of course it was only Saturday that my cloths were thrown out and I was locked in the garage. Day to day, notelling what tomorrow (or tonight) will bring. Peace to all!

You're doing fine, Pat. Keep up the vigilance. Don't let her words get to you. They're the words of someone in denial over the enormity of what she did.

Pat, you can never be sure that your children are safe with a woman who can behave as she did.

It is sad that you trust her so much after all this.

You are running headlong into a buzz-saw, as another MBer writes, and yet you plug your ears and go LA LA LA LA...

If in the county lockup - wife's friend said the most humiliating and degrading thing a woman can go through and she was a stripper. She was picked up for unpaid traffic tickets. By the time she was processed and in her new jail stripes - she couldnt wait to get in the cell. Twelve hours in small cell with nothing but your thoughts and she had one break - a bologne sandwich for breakfast - well lets just say - tickets will paid on time now.

Apparently if we didnt get down there quick enough - she was close to being transferred to general population and another couple of days would be required to get her out.

You mentioned charges - has the case been taken over by the Texas AG?

How many traffic tickets do you have to NOT PAY to get put in prison?!

Not sure - it took several warrants though. On occasion there are periods of amnesty where you can get yourself straightened out without threat of jail time.

Be very careful Pat thats all, fore-warned is fore-armed.

Does she have support,(I mean people she trusts), that you feel are responsible intelligent, and sensitive to your whole familys needs? That would make me feel better if I knew she was talking to a Pastor/priest/counselor who had everyones best interest in mind.

I hope she does Pat and she is not relying on the advice of your SIL.

Karmasrose: Do me a favour and find another thread.

I don't know if it made it to the AG, I'm sure it's there by now. The attorney she hired seems to think there is a strong chance it can be dismissed. There were no injuries and no priors and I didn't put a restraining order on her so that's what they are working towards. As for her night in jail, she wasn't lucky enough to stay out of gen pop. She was transfered to County and was there for 24hrs. Right now there is no getting past that. everything is fine, then she remembers jail and it's all over.

1

If you don't pay and don't show up for court and the judge orders a bench warant, thats all it takes.

Alright, I will, but I am telling you, you're walking a terribly fine line here.

I don't want your kids to go through what I had to.

I don't know what you went through and you're right, from the sound of it, I don't want that to happen to me. I do know that whatever else happens, she will not take it out on the kids. Thanks for the good intent and I wish you well.

I grew very angry because I saw you, thinking that your WW would never hurt her kids.

My grandparents refused to see how my father's verbal and mental abuse affected me. They liked to pretend it didn't exist.

Keep an eye on things and don't let your children suffer.

You got it. Thanks for the advise.

Patriot - you may find that there are a few of us who have a bit of PTSD about parents fighting.

My mother was abused by my father decades ago - he was raging, breaking things, throwing things, shoving her around. Back then you didn't call the police on domestic violence issues. It wasn't talked about.

But the trauma my mother caused me personally by leaving the home - and her children - with a drunk, raging man in the home... thinking he wouldn't hurt his kids. I was scrubbing the house all night long trying to avoid his wrath...

My mother was oblivious.

That's why everyone's just a little alarmed. Your wife, pre-affair might not have harmed your children. But she's not that woman anymore.

You don't know who she is. And she's bent on blaming you for her violence and her arrest.

That's a problem.

That's a leading indicator that things are not past the sudden, traumatic, explosive, harmful surprise-around-the-next corner stage.

She needs to own this. Has she started to do that yet?