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How would you respond to someone if their W had an A and they blamed it on 'brainwashing' or 'manipulation' by OM? IOW, WW isn't taking any ownership of the A and the BH agrees that she shouldn't.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I would tell the BS he was fooling himself.
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Did the OM rape her? Did he hold a gun to her head?? Is that all it takes for someone to stray these days, a little brainwashing? Sounds like the BH is in denial. Tell him you can't ignore the elephant in the room forever.
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....... YOU know the answer.....keep YOUR truth of her in your head when you go there..... And remember this...... IF that's how the other couple see's it, that is sad because they haven't done what is NECESSARY to recover and have a good marriage..... Now go do something more productive, like scrub the toilets..... {{{{{MB}}}}} not2fun
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and the BH agrees that she shouldn't Best short answer? Second best short answer? Come back and see me when she does it again.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Best short answer? Second best short answer? Come back and see me when she does it again. I just love you guys!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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You know I don't do short answers, so I vote for PrincessMeggy's.
Me: FWH, 50 My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold DD23, DS19 EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09 Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009 Married 25 years & counting. Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband. "I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol "Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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I vote for PrincessMeggy's. Ditto
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You know I don't do short answers, so I vote for PrincessMeggy's. Although I initially balked at the idea of sharing my space, I invited OMH to come to this site. I think he needs some of the collective wisdom of this place. Evidently he continues to believe that his WW was abducted from the castle walls. I don't know if he will take me up on the offer, but be ready - coz she didn't do nothin' wrong!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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If your wife has no self control, you should probably lock her in the house.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Although I initially balked at the idea of sharing my space, I invited OMH to come to this site. I think he needs some of the collective wisdom of this place. Evidently he continues to believe that his WW was abducted from the castle walls. I don't know if he will take me up on the offer, but be ready - coz she didn't do nothin' wrong! This is not new. Happens all the time on MB.
Usually the OP is said to be "predatory" .... And it is said of OP of both sexes.
"A predatory OW" "A predatory OM"
It's a bit of BS fog/denial/wishful thinking. Sometimes the denial of reality is sooooooo stubborn, the BS never gives it up, because the truth is too much for them to take.
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- coz she didn't do nothin' wrong! Well, if the BH believes this, send him to me. I have some oceanfront property in Eastern Washington I would like to sell him.
me: FBS H: FWS Fully recovered
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How would you respond to someone if their W had an A and they blamed it on 'brainwashing' or 'manipulation' by OM? Fantastic! Then you two have a lot in common because she is brainwashing you to believe this cr*p.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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This is not new. Happens all the time on MB.
Usually the OP is said to be "predatory" .... And it is said of OP of both sexes.
"A predatory OW" "A predatory OM"
It's a bit of BS fog/denial/wishful thinking. Sometimes the denial of reality is sooooooo stubborn, the BS never gives it up, because the truth is too much for them to take.
Oh, that's too funny! Yep, he believes FWH was a "predator" - straight out of the book!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm sure often the OW/OM IS a predator...but so is the FWS.
They are often equal, IMO.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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It really doesn't much matter who she is NOW..she has been identified in her OWN MIND as THE OTHER WOMAN... MB, This is what Mimi told me the night I found H and OW together.....Your OW can "TRY" and fool herself all she wants to BUT in the deepest corners of her mind and heart, she will always KNOW the truth..... and it whispers ever so softly in the most inconvient times...... not2fun
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How would you respond to someone if their W had an A and they blamed it on 'brainwashing' or 'manipulation' by OM? IOW, WW isn't taking any ownership of the A and the BH agrees that she shouldn't. I think she should be locked up. If any adult is not responsible for their crimes, they need to be removed from society. They are not safe to be walking about free. What she is doing is something that parents of any FIVE YEAR OLD wouldn't tolerate, ie: when he does something wrong he blames it on his friend for making him act bad. "Johnny told me to do it!!" That wouldn't cut it for a 5 year old and it sure shouldn't cut it for a free adult who walks about free. She is a danger to society.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The problem is that most women see right through another woman playing the victim card. That crap doesn't work on us.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The problem is that most women see right through another woman playing the victim card. That crap doesn't work on us. ITA. I think BH is hanging onto the WW's claim in order to live with the knowledge of her involvement in an A, and the lack of o&h and transparency is no doubt hindering their R. He77, as far as he's concerned, they don't have to worry about R! Remember, there was a time when I absolutely didn't want her BH anywhere near me, including online, because his aggressive attitude alarmed me. Now? I'm too strong for that now. He no longer has that power over me. So I decided to give him a great gift: this site. Whether or not he accepts it is up to him.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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It really doesn't much matter who she is NOW..she has been identified in her OWN MIND as THE OTHER WOMAN... MB, This is what Mimi told me the night I found H and OW together.....Your OW can "TRY" and fool herself all she wants to BUT in the deepest corners of her mind and heart, she will always KNOW the truth..... and it whispers ever so softly in the most inconvient times...... not2fun I know she is claiming 'brainwashing' because she knows her BH is willing to accept any reason other than that she had the A because she wanted to. She conveniently forgot her pre-A flirting, gift-giving, the night she called him to meet her for drinks...but enough. I hope there IS a part of her that recognizes what she really is. That means there is the possibility of R for their M. And I promise you guys that, in the slim event that he does come here, I will stay off his threads and let you do your MB thing.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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