Up again in the middle of the night. Balanced checkbooks, straightened kitchen cabinets, talked to the dogs. The longer this silence goes on, the more angry I'm getting.

H is totally NC other than VM he left earlier in the week playing Mr. Reasonable about negotiating. He has not paid one bill since he left. I am keeping all receipts and a computer list of his obligations I paid on his behalf and will submit those for reimbursement along with other requests when we settle. I'm going to treat him like a debtor who needs to be collected from......he doesn't get to just walk away with no consequences from real life.

I talked to attorney's office late yesterday and paperwork to file will be ready next week....then we will have him served....attorney said we can give address and time where to serve him if process server wants exact place and time we know where he will be although that's not a guarantee of where service will occur. Oh joy! I can't wait to have him served in the class where I'm sure OW is one of his students.

I've been boxing up his stuff he left behind and putting it in garage...its kind of therapeutic. Last night when I was up at 4:00 a.m. I rearranged the furniture in my (our)bedroom. Think I will redecorate the house when divorce is settled. Have thought about building swimming pool for exercise alternative as I'm not sure how many years my knees will hold up for running....I think taking on some projects to make this MY home only would be good.

A good friend who was divorced several years ago from yet another cheating H is going to spend the weekend here with me. We're going to just chill out and visit....she's bringing her dog, who loves to play with mine two, so it'll be relaxing. I think I need to store up some calm in case things go ballistic next week with H when he gets served.

Wow. You are a trooper!
What, if anything you can say, is the thought that helps bolster you do this?

I think this is just my personality. I was raised by my father and mother to be self-reliant. I was always told I could be and do anything I wanted if I was willing to do the work. That has followed me into adulthood. While I was lucky to grow up in a supportive, loving, financially secure environment that was able to provide me with a great education, I have also worked for most of what I have today. I am not inclined to stay with someone who says they don't want me in return.

I think I am worth more than being treating as expendable and in very disrespectful ways. I probably could have dealt with my H saying he was not happy and wanted out of the marriage, but to cheat, lie, sneak around and then move out on a dime .... I deserve more than that after 29 years. He is not the man he was previously and I have lost all respect and am quickly losing any feelings for him I had for all those years. I look back and think that we both built a life together that we often said we both loved....he changed pretty quickly. As late as a year ago we happily traveled through Asia together for three weeks during one of his breaks and both of us were delighted, telling each other how lucky we were to have each other and to have these experiences together.

He is a very smart man. Even if you can attribute his behavior to mid-life crisis, I will not let him use and abuse me emotionally while I wait for him to "recover". I have limited time on earth....I will not waste it on him.

You touched on a subject that I was discussing with a friend, another victim of infidelity. It is so disrespectful to end a relationship in this way.
I think many of us could have dealt with a spouse honestly telling us that the marriage was not working and that he or she wanted out.
But, to humiliate us, and steal our time by lining up their next relationshsip while we, in reliance on our agreement, refrained from doing anything like that, is incredibly disrespectful. It is a type of theft and fraud.
I will never understand someone doing this. If you have kids and there will be co-parenting for years to come, it makes things incredibly difficult.

I could have written this. My mistake was leaving a great paying field to start a business where I had to rely on XWH to support me. That's when he left me high and dry. Mine did exactly what yours is doing - went no contact. Period. He wouldn't even look at me in court during the trial - turned his back on me everytime I was near. And didn't help me with any bills either. Then walked away with a chunk of my 401K. GRRRR

Anyway, I came to the conclusion that you did. Ending a 36 year M the way he did was despicable and I wasn't going to wait around while he kept abusing me.

You are doing great, but it's going to be a rough ride either way.

I so agree. I have never known my XWH to treat anyone as badly as he did me and his family, yet he was so torn up about hurting Miss Mullet

I don't get it.

Yeah thats what allways puzzled me. Why go behind my back and cheat? It must be for the thrill of it or the satisfaction of screwwing me over as they were getting screwed.
As a guy I had plenty of chances to cheat but I was afraid of what that would make me. Even after my 1st wife got preg by another guy I couldn't cheat and I wanted to.
I developed an attitude that if I REALLY cared about someone I would be thier friend first, and that included the girls that would complain about their boyfreinds or husbands.
I just don't associate sex with the same type of relationship friendship is. Its much more intimate and personal and anyone who doesn't see that must be messed up. The whole "I can't help myself!! : thing is BS IMO

This humiliation/theft deal is why this is so much more difficult than simply getting dumped from a realtionship(which is no picnic, either).
Getting dumped hurts. But, you do not feel such anger and resentment. You may be bewildered or sad or both. But, you do not feel like you were a fool and played.

Tiger's OW would disagree with you

Those idiot bimbos have no standing to feel like they were played. Thye were cheating, as well.

Stop carcking yourself up, Pep.
Of course to justify feelings one must have a rational basis.

3L:

When he calls you, and blisters you, becasue you had him served in his classroom....

"Since you left, that was the only location I had for you, what's the problem?"

Then ask for his attorneys name.

And hang up.

I'm glad your closets are neater...

LG

Had to just drop this before my friend comes for the weekend....

H is getting his due without me lifting a finger. Campus gossip rag underground paper had a short blip on H in its issue that got distributed on campus this morning. I have a friend who works in another department on campus and she called and read it to me....basically it said

"DR.H, noted professor in the ___________ department, has reportedly left his wife for one of his doctoral advisees. Sources report the two have been a poorly kept secret for the last few months. Ethics/conflict of interest investigation, anyone? Maybe the wife is the lucky one..."

The best part is.......I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!! Wonder what his reaction will be.....

This publication does this kind of stuff routinely, citing those caught misusing university resources, political battles, and some personal stuff like this when it involves university personnel misconduct. Oh man, I bet he's beyond livid.....Of course it would never occur to him his own misbehavior is the reason this has happened. OW is probably upset, too. And if the real newspapers get hold of this....

Do I get to take a little (or a lot) of joy in this?????

Good deal. The old fool is being outed, His students must think he is an idiot(which he is).

Take a lot of joy in it! HOORAY!

Karma is beating him up!

Woohoo!
What a news scoop!

It is in black and white for all to read.

How cool!

Personally, I would take an immense amount of joy in this, but that's just me. I tend to be a bit vindictive by nature.

Absolutely the exact amount you want. Personally, I'd be drowning in joy, but that could just be my vindictive self!

tl