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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Plea to help save my marriage

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Re: Plea to help save my marriage _Larry_ #2334934 03/09/10 06:34 PM
Joined: Dec 2009 Posts: 10 S SammyDr Junior Member
SammyDr Junior Member S Joined: Dec 2009 Posts: 10	Thanks everyone for the advice. I am a huge fan of Dr Harley and his work. I believe in his methods and think they would help our marriage significantly. The problem is, my wife just doesnt seem interested in working on things anymore How do I setup a phone interview or develop an action plan for our recovery if she wont agree to anything?

Re: Plea to help save my marriage SammyDr #2334948 03/09/10 06:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 5 C crumbling Junior Member
crumbling Junior Member C Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 5	I don't have any advice but I definitely feel your pain. My H says that after the years of neglect from me that there are no romantic feelings left either. And I believe this. He says he desperately wants to desire me but doesn't know how to just get those feelings back. He says he can't force them. He does not buy into any program that tries to tell him how to fall in love and change someones feelings. That the whole industry is just that, a business, trying to sell their stuff. So he expects it to just happen eventually, or not, then we would get divorced. Sorry, I know this doesn't help you, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Hope they both come around. Me BW (31) WH (34) D (2) S(3mo.) EA 7/09 -? continuing PA 7/09-11/09

Re: Plea to help save my marriage crumbling #2334949 03/09/10 07:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by crumbling I don't have any advice but I definitely feel your pain. My H says that after the years of neglect from me that there are no romantic feelings left either. And I believe this. crumbling, the main reason he doesn't have feelings for you is because he is high on the addiction of an affair. As long as he is in his affair, he can never feel anything for you. This is why we are trying to help you bust up the affair. While pre=affair marriages are often not good, waywards typically rewrite history to justify their adultery. But there is no excuse for an affair. The solution to a bad marriage is to work to turn it around, nbot to have an affair. while there are no guarantees, the ones here are in RECOVERED marriages, exposed the affair. Keeping an affair a secret leads to the destruction of the marriage because affairs thrive on secrecy. But as long as the affair continues, marriage recovery will be impossible. It is impossible to recover a marriage under those conditions. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Plea to help save my marriage MelodyLane #2334957 03/09/10 07:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 10,179 USA N Neak Member
Neak Member N Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 10,179 USA	I second the motion. A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story

Re: Plea to help save my marriage Neak #2334961 03/09/10 07:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 10,179 USA N Neak Member
Neak Member N Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 10,179 USA	Plan A whether or not you can uncover an A. Engaged or no, that OW is s sticking point, and you need to make a quick exit even if it involves sacrifice. A nebulous, "well I'll try to find something else when I can" won't be enough. Make a plan, and put it into action. Start looking for another job now, tonight. Your W will be looking at all your actions, not so much your words. A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story

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