Ya your right Fred.

Are you close enough to the friends to talk to them about suggestions on how to save your marriage? A lot of the love busters you commit, I'm sure she complains to her friends about them. If you are close enough to them and think you can trust them, tell them you really are committed to saving your M, and ask them for any suggestions. Sometimes sucking up to her friends may be the best way to get her to work on the marriage, just as long as she doesn't find out they are working as double agents.

I do talk to them, and they tell me to keep up exactly what I'm doing. My WS never complains about anything I do, she actually says stuff more like "I can't believe he is still keeping the house so clean" and "Actually he is VERY kind to me" stuff like that. She also says stuff like "He is in denial, he doesn't really think this D is going to happen" "He just don't get it, he won't listen". She told my mom the other day at the B-day party, "Jon is in denial" my mom said, "No just because you say you don't love him, doesn't mean he will automatically stop loving you, he still loves you as much today as he ever did". My ws just walked off

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You fit the bill Jon.

MaiMai,

The whole MB program is rather counter intuitive. While Jon has made some mistakes as we all do in highly stressed highly emotional situation that affect the rest of our lives and our children's, he is following the program to the best of his current abilities. To call that insanity does not go with the program. Perhaps you should hang around and read for a few months before you start posting.

God's Blessings,

Say

Great job, mom!!! Keep up the good work, Jon and please ignore the negativity.

The "James Bond" act continues. I am still helping around the house etc.. but I am not paying any attention to her. when she talks to me I reply but in as few words as possible. I went out last night at around 2:00 p.m I got home at around 10:00 p.m she sent me a pic text of her and the kids playing, I didn't reply. She asked me today if I got her pic she sent yesterday and I said "ya I got it" and dropped it. I still play with the kids and we are having a great time, my WS see's us playing and having a good time and she usually joins in.

The kids are growing further and further apart from her, they won't hardly do anything with her now. everytime she tries to do anything they say "I want daddy to put my vlothes on, i want daddy to put me to bed, I want daddy to get out food, I want daddy...etc." Now when she gives them kisses they wipe them off and it upsets my WS. I don't want my kids to grow away from her but they are.

I feel good about myself now, I am not "afraid" of her now, and i am taking control of myself. My emotions don't bother me, I am calm and I just don't care what she does anymore. I do love her and I want to save our marriage but being on plan doormat would only push her further away. She still hasn't seen the message he sent her, I'm kind of waiting that out to see how she reacts. If communication does start back, I will be coming up with some way of going to plan B.

Exposure is MB. Doormat is not.

Thanks, I've been around awhile.

Its quite possible that both Jon and his wife are experiencing role changes that have been a long time coming. While we coach Jon to take stable and positive actions that are nessesary to stabilize and secure himself and his role as a husband I really don't think trying to get him to be John Wayne overnight will work. His wife would think he was crazy anyways.
This is going to be a process so if you have a negative you want to point out, bring a solution with it so we can help him and her.

I think that you should call the Doc H and spend some time with him Jon. He will give ya the staight deal and be way more insightful than we, even if we can see part of the picture he will know how to proceed with the least amout of collateral damage. I think that is what you want for everyone.

Jons WW goes shopping and to the movies with her aunt and/or two friends, all of which are pro Marriage.

She does. Jon is a full time student and has no form of income.

Also, the house they live in is owned by her aunt. So having her removed would require legal action.


However, I do agree with blocking facebook if his router and it's software permit such actions.

Wow, that sucks.

But I can tell you that I know exactly how that feels. The "We are just friend's" talks, and her constant insisting that she does not, and never will again "Feel that way about me" where completely devastating.

But, that changed slowly when the fog cleared.

So today....
I had to go to school and normally her sister watches the kids from 12:45 til 4:30 when my Ws gets off work. My WS forgot to find someone else to watch the kids and I asked her today "who is watching the kids while I am at school" she said "OH SHOOT, I guess you will have to miss class" I said "I can't miss because I have a test in there today" she said "well it's your resposability just as much as it is mine to find someone to watch them" I said "well I did find someone to watch them, YOU, you can take off work" she said "I can't take off work with my job being in jeopardy" and I just ignored it and got in the shower.
When I got out she said "I took off work" and I still ignored her, then I left for school and she was being all nice as usual saying "be careful"

So while at school her 14 year old sister not the one that normally watches the kids, sends me a text saying that she is watching the kids while my WS went to the gym with her friend. I AM FURIOUS! So she can call in to work sick because she can't find someone to watch the kids, then has her 14 year old little sister watch them while she goes to the gym instead of going back to work. I am still keeping the cool James Bond act going, I am just being completely indifferent to her right now because she is in major WW mode.

What does she do?
I know she works from home, but what does she actually do?

She takes supervisor calls for a very large bank.

Jon, this is very important.

If it is B-of-A, slowly back away from the computer. Quickly and quietly gather the children and exit the house as efficiently as possible. Do not pack anything, do not tell them what is going on, just get in the car and drive Jon. Drive as far away as possible, and DO NOT look back.

If it's B-of-A Jon...It's to late! she cant be saved Jon!!!
Protect the children, thats not your wife Jon, she is not even human anymore!!!

RUN!!

SAVE YOURSELF!!!

GET OUT!!







AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be so pissed at you Gack if I was Jon but thats funny as He!!

I'm laughing...oh my GOD...

I'm just trying to lighten the mood for Jon. I certainly hope he would take it the way I meant it, as an attempt at humor to lighten his day.

I just know how hopeless being a BS can be, sometimes a little lafter can go a long way in making the unbearable seem a bit more bearable.

And as soon as he said bank, B-of-A and my extreme hate for them popped in my mind.

Jon, if I offended you, I sincerely apologies.
It was her I was miking fun of, not you.

How do I contact Dr.H and how much does that cost because I have NO money. I am working on a plan B letter because I can't sleep and this way I will have it if I need it later on.