I'm totally with P on this.

Me too.

Wow, I feel battered and brused. Your right, I will re-word and offer no promises. I know I will get a shreek and a I'm not going to do it. Fine, then we move ahead in different directions. 2 months of this crap is more than enough. Maybe I can get her to move into her friends home but I doubt it. If not, I'll have to make the best of it for a while.

FWIW, I'm really sorry.

I know it hurts.

Pat,

Please make an appointment with an attorney so that you are not flying by the seat of your pants.



God's Blessings,

Say

Patriot (great name, btw),

I really feel for you. I understand how you feel. I can promise you that taking the tough road is something you won't regret. The greatest regret for me was my lack of firmness.

You have an opportunity to take a stand.

But by no means should you mistake our hardline stance on this board as a lack of empathy. If anything, we know all too well how you feel and how hard it really is to do what you need to do. But take our advice as something coming from people who have been in your shoes and have the emotions removed to be able to think clearly and think for you on the actions you should follow.

We know that the advice we give is tough to follow. You've done a good job following it so far. The problem you face the most is fear. Fear will keep you from acting and fear keeps you second guessing.

We've been there.

Keep your chin up. You're doing fine.

I also think you and the kids need to get out and do something.

You are in the BEST place in the world for free stuff to do with the kids!

You are the only sane adult in the house right now. For your sanity, please stay active and include those kiddoes in your activities.

Pat,

Here's the thing, she isn't going to "get" anything. Her brain is SOOOOOOO bemuddled, so drugged addicted, that the only thing she "gets" is getting to that next high.

YOu can't "make" a wayward understand....

YOu can't "make" a wayward end an affair.....

YOu can't "make" a wayward do ANYTHING!!!!!

The only thing you CAN do it define your boundaries and then defend them with EVERYTHING you got. So far, you really shown ANY hint of boundaries, and what you have stated you've wimped out on. You've had some ace's dealt to you and you aren't even using them to your advantage.

Pack her crap up, put it on the porch, change the locks and let HER figure out what she is going to do with herself.....

not2fun

Well sheeeeeeet!! I saw the phone records on line and no contact for almost 2 weeks. 12 days ago there was a single text message. Maybe they communicated through the computer, but I doubt it. She never lets me near her phone, she sleeps with the crazy thing. So, I don't know if that's 100% proof that she did not lie, but the fact that she gave me the password and what she said....maybe she's not lying?

She may just have gotten a secret affair phone. Maybe the text was "I got a new number."

As shady as she has been I would not put it past her.

If she deleted the text, a SIM card reader with the proper software will be able to pull up that text. If not, you can always search for her new phone. I bet she has a prepaid cell phone she is using.

It was her accual on line bill I saw.

Patriot,

It isn't unusual for waywards to get another phone since they know theirs is being monitored.

There's plenty of ways to communicate outside of cell phones and the fact that he's at the same hotel is a bit too much of a coincidence.

That one text weeks ago may have been enough to set something else up.

It's not unusual and it wouldn't surprise us to hear she's done any of these things.

So if she wasnt aware of him being there? Why the phone calls? Or is this normal? When I first read this - I took it she knew once again she was caught.

A WW with a legal DV issue hanging would lie as a matter of course. Another $20-30 Go Phone or even communication within the hotel switch would not be difficult/

Just be careful of her gaslighting/

She definately has a pay as you go phone from Wal Mart.

Put the recorder in her car.

>Put the recorder in her car.


Why? If you are going to plan B/D, then why?

You already know she broke NC, and has spent most of the week in (gag, vurp) Midland with the toad.

YOU KNOW THIS...IT'S BEEN VERIFIED BY CALLING THE MOTEL.

Where is the consequence for THAT?

Patriot --

You are being incredibly naive if you really believe she has ended contact.

She is still telling you its none of your business -- which is a big clue is not even CLOSE to recovery or ending her affair.

They are still in contact -- they have just found a new way to do it.

She will swear on your kids lives, swear on her dear dead grandmother etc. AND BE LYING THE WHOLE TIME. (been there. done that.)

You're making a big mistake in giving up the leverage you have right now. Get her out of your house -- legally.

File an EMERGENCY hearing for use of the home and custody of the boys.

These are your words Pat. So, you are saying that shortly after you called and asked for OM's room your WW starting calling you repeatedly and you did not answer? That alone should tell you that her and OM were talking otherwise how would she know that you attempted to reach him? What caused her to start calling you like crazy?

Look at this objectively. Do you really believe for a second that there was NC? If so, I have this really nice bridge for sale. Interested?

Mindshare

no, I'm not saying there was no contact, but it was a while back. Really dosen't matter right now anyway. I talked to her today and she was very calm when I asked her to move out for a while....no, you can go if you want. But I have to travel this week, next so on, so why move out. Once again when the converstion came up about OM, she said "no, I am not seeing him but it's none of your business". Okay all, I know what you're think, but until the job sitch is settled, I have to play. I have two interviews tomorrow so I'll see what happens. Once I'm working, papers are filed. She is under the illusion that I'm going to play nice and have joint custody. Her proposal is she travels 10 days on and 10 days home. Having to change dates periodically and this will be okay. What is this women thinking.

She's thinking that you are going to let her do whatever she wants to do and frankly, Pat...me too. She has practically layed this in your lap and you still haven't taken your chance. You won't even meet with an attorney to find out your options and plot a strategy.

You keep saying that you have to get a job while I believe that it is possible that you are in a better position to file now as a stay at home dad and while she has these pending charges. You won't know til you talk to an attorney.You can still continue to interview after you change the locks. You are dragging your feet and letting her walk all over you based on your assumptions.

God's Blessings,

Say