Sounds good to me.

Exposure Email: There are two known mailing lists - one for anyone that signs up at the association's website and another for all of the black and brown belts. I have the latter. I can't seem to figure out how to send an email to the former...even with OM's email ID and password.

I know she's going to be mad. She already exploded from the first round of exposure. I'm more-or-less okay with that. What I'm not sure I can handle is everybody thinking I'm crazy and vindictive with posting my "dirty laundry" to 300+ of my not-so-closest friends. I'm also uncomfortable with exposing to everyone in the association without the OMW's consent.

Spinning the Story: I'm highly concerned that this has already happened. My partial exposure was ineffective and she has had six weeks to perform damage control.

OM's Parents: Both passed away in the past year. In fact, it was during his drive home from Georgia after his mother passed away in December when WW and OM exchanged the naked pictures. I also attended OM's mom's funeral. This was when I still had suspicions, but had not found the information about the pictures or caught her at his ranch on New Year's. Timeline: The funeral was 19 Dec. I found the texts and pictures on 27 Dec. I caught them on 30/31 Dec. [Thinks to self: I wonder if it's bad etiquette for a woman to bring her husband to her boyfriend's mom's funeral.]

Facebook: He has 365 friends, 99% of them karate competitors, karate instructors and tournament directors from across the country. None of whom I believe would have any influence over him.

In the OM's business, reputation is everything. One of the lessons from Karate is ethics, morals and character.

He has none.

Having sex with a student is NOT a good thing. And that is exactly how this will appear to those in his peer group.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by as widespread an exposure as you can manage.

Did you get any hint from OMW that this has happened before?

Larry

gn, you are responsible for your own family, the OMW is not. You don't need her consent to protect your marriage from her predator H. The buck stops with you.

And MANY will think you are "crazy" and "vindictive" but you are doing this to protect your marriage, not to garner the approval of crapwits. Seeking approval is not the goal here.

The opinion of unwise people is not your problem and should not be a deciding factor in your strategy. They have no investment in your life anyway.


Thats ok. She is expected to spin the story. You still get the truth out there.



Believe me, it will influence him immensely to have his professional peers know what kind of guy he really is. This will likely be your most powerful exposure. Everyone should know.

Larry: On the issue of ethics, morals and character, I agree with you. However, I have no proof there was sex involved, so the most that I could honestly say would be "an inappropriate relationship with a married woman".

On the exposure front, I am currently waiting on FiL to call me back, so we can go to lunch. I am also waiting for the afterschool classes to begin, to go to OMW's office and talk with her. Alternatively, I will go over to her house during the evening classes.

DD18 says she has to work this evening and I was hoping to get all three kids together at the same time.

He had sex with a STUDENT. This violates all sorts of professional ethics. I totally agree with Mel that this will be your most effective exposure. Be sure and mention that the two of you are his students.

Larry

"Adulterous affair" will still cover it, and it's more damning than "inappropriate relationship".

Is there a class that is packed with parents where you could expose? The word can spread that way too. Are you on a friendly basis with any of the parents?

Hmm...instead of calling me back, FiL called WW instead...

As a parent, the pics you have is enough for ME.

I will not KNOWINGLY allow waywards in my children's lives. They are NOT ALLOWED to be around my kids - PERIOD. If I find an instructor or teacher is currently involved in such behavior, that instructor or teacher is GONE.

Former waywards are another matter...but current infidels are toast in my book.

BTW: I think you doubt the proof the nekkid pics ARE. They ARE proof. They are ENOUGH! They are PROOF that it's gone beyond an EA.

BTW: You've allowed OM and WW to mind-f you into believing that those pics, emails and phones are piddly BS.

You are COWERING when you have absolute proof they are behaving like two pigs in a pen.

Who is fighting for your family?

Your wife isn't.

WW called to tell you this?

Dear Friends and Associates of XXXXX:

As most of you know and believe, a Karate professional is held in deep respect by his or her students. We all look up to our instructors for not only instruction in the ancient art of Karate, but also a level of ethics and morals that is very much a part of the discipline.

It is with great sadness that I must report to you that Mr. XXXX has failed in his obligation to his students. My wife and I are those students he has failed along with our kids, who are also students. Mr. XXXX is having a sexual relationship with my wife, who was vulnerable to his approach. I have no idea if this was his first time to do this, or just part of a string.

I am trying to save our marriage from the damage that this predator has inflicted on it. Our kids do not deserve what is happening to their lives. I am sure that Mr. XXXXX will attempt to salvage what remains of his reputation by blaming me. That is to be expected. Bad guys always want to blame someone else.

If Mr. XXXX is a member of any professional association which prohibits sex with students, then I ask that the appropriate measures be taken. I will be most pleased to offer proof of what I say.

Sincerely:

... just a suggestion

Larry

Well, call him back... Tell him you need his help and want to discuss WW's affair with OM.

Also, please do not call this an "inappropriate relationship with a married woman." clintonesque wordsmithing will not do the job. Simply say "adulterous affair." An affair is an affair.

How are you doing meeting her EN's now, and stopping the lovebusters?...the other part of Plan A. I didn't read that in your posts. I see some of the things you have done, but are you fulfilling her top needs?

And what about your Plan B letter? Post it here...

You have gone back on your Plan B letter once, which will make it difficult another time.

Have you considered counseling with the Harley's?

[The Plan B Letter for the aborted Plan B]

My Dearest WW,
This is a difficult letter for me to write, one I have been mentally working on for weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love only a husband can have for a wife. Please read every word I have written, it is from the heart.

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OM possible. I foolishly pursued my job AND my hobbies thinking I was doing the right thing for us and our family, without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I just assumed you would simply follow along and be okay with it. I neglected your needs and failed to give you the attention that you deserved and needed so many times. I was selfishly and foolishly caught up in myself. You were always there for me when I needed you. There were so many times you needed me and I was not there for you. You will never know how much I regret that. I was wrong, very wrong, and I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart for all the pain I have caused you. Although I've ALWAYS loved you with my heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me than you. It never was the case, but that is how I made you feel and, for that, WW, I am sorry.

I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship or how to meet your needs. I can�t sit here and say that I now know all that I need to know about relationships, but I can, however, honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherishing, and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man. The type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife. I�ve worked very hard these past 20 months to correct my shortcomings, not only for you, but for me and our three children, as well. I wanted to be a better husband, a better father, but most importantly, a better person. You know I have changed. You said you have noticed the changes in me. I am making them permanent and improving myself and my life. I make mistakes every day, but every day I strive to be the best person I can be.

I regret that we find ourselves in this place that is lonely and confusing for both of us. You have chosen to spend time with another married man. I do not condone it, or like it, but have no choice. You are the only person who can make choices for you and I will respect your decision. I hope that you will be happy in whatever you choose and that you find peace. You are my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I only want true happiness for you and do not wish any harm or ill to you.

I want to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you. As much as I want this, you have made it clear that you don't, and, as long as you feel this way, I cannot be a part of your life except as the father of our children. It is simply too painful. I cannot continue to have you rely on me like a husband when you have a problem or need help with something. It makes me feel uncomfortable and used.

I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. One in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. But I cannot do this while your affair with OM continues. We can only rebuild our marriage � together - when you completely end your relationship with OM. I have waited patiently for it to end. The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I experience on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is my love for you and the thoughts of us being together and happy again someday. Unfortunately, I feel that my love for you is slipping away.

In order to preserve the love I have for you, I have come to a decision on my own. I must remove you from my daily life. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. To this end, I feel it is best that you find another place to stay, while I stay in our home and continue to be the primary care provider for our children. I do not wish for your bond with the children to suffer and I will be as flexible as possible with visitation of the children, but I must ask that you not have contact with me during pick up and drop off times. If you need to communicate with me regarding the children or any other matter, it should be handled through a friend or relative of your choice. Of course, if you have any emergency matters, you can always call or email me at any time. Due to my job circumstances, when I am travelling out of town, I would request that you care for the kids, using our home, but that you leave upon my return to town. If that is not possible, I will make other arrangements for the care of our children in my absence.

This is a safeguard of my love so that, if there should come a time when we can both commit to working on rebuilding our marriage, there is still love and hope left with which to do that. The current situation is becoming extremely stressful and hurtful for me. This is not an ultimatum or a threat, it is simply *no contact*. I know that I risk losing you forever, but I cannot continue to see you without putting pressure on you to make a decision.

WW, I do not know what the future hold for us - that is in God�s hands. I know that I want to grow old with you. When I said, �I Do,� I made a promise in front of God, you and our families for life. Through better or worse, I want us to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each others� needs and avoid hurting each other. I want everything that we do to make us both happy so that there will be no need for us to separate again. I want to be your husband, your friend, and your lover. I loved you more than life itself while we were together and I continue to do so as I write this. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to follow measures to ensure total and permanent separation, then we can talk about our future together.

I hope with all my heart and soul that you will come back to me one day. Please make OM aware that I am your husband and that I want to work on our marriage. Please be honest with yourself, with me and him. I can commit to a marriage based on honesty, openness and mutual respect and care for the other's well-being. I can commit to marriage with you on those terms - I cannot commit to a marriage on terms other than those.

I love you, WW; you will always be very special to me. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I hope that we can work it out and be the best of friends. I hope with all of my heart that we can both put aside our harsh feelings and frustrations and see the good, and see the hope.

I just cannot bear to be with you or see you while you are still involved with OM and give your love and emotional connection to someone else. I�ve loved you since you came back into my life after high school, I loved you when we married, and I continue to love you today; perhaps even more than I ever did before.

We were best friends once. I cannot imagine who I would rather spend my life with than my best friend.

Your loving husband,
BS

OM; I love my wife WW with all my heart and soul and will do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance.

Some nice sentiments in the letter but it was too lengthy and you give WW too much control in some areas. If you go Plan B, you do not want her contacting you for an "emergency." What she considers and emergency may not be. Do you have an IM? You want a dark plan B...not a plan were she can come to your house because it's convenient...you are destroying the effectiveness of the plan by doing stuff like that.

And I thought *I* was wordy!

gnirlos, short and to the point. No wayward is going to read a novel. They can't absorb that much in one sitting.

Paragraph One: My love for you is so much that I'm in danger of losing it as long as you are having an A. Therefore, you must leave.

Paragraph Two: I will not communicate with you in any way. If there must be communication, it will go through an intermediary (IM) of my choosing.

Paragraph Three: There is a way back to this marriage. It begins with NO CONTACT FOREVER with OM, a letter we both approve and I send, and any other conditions/requirements you specify.

Love,

gnirlos