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I confronted WW on contacting OM. She lied and said she had made no contact since early January. Later in the same conversation, she said she had indeed sent him an email about 2 weeks ago but he never responded.
I have also seen an email where she is looking for a place up North (out-of-state) she can take the kids after school lets out.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Well, Are you going to get a lawyer and make sure she cannot take your children away from you? It would be a good idea, the affair is still on.
JL
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Yeah, I feel so deflated. I guess it's lawyer time.
We have financial problems so it was something I was hoping to avoid.
Do you think it's best just to get a mediator and work things out that way, or should I definitely get my own lawyer?
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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You need a lawyer to protect your rights, financial and custody.
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BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 561
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I'm feeling just completely worn out. I think I just want to call it quits and file for D.
I feel like I won't be just divorcing my WW though. I know she wants to go back to NY and take the kids. I'll be hundreds of miles away. And who knows where my career will take me.
I feel like I'm also going to be divorcing my kids:(
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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I know she wants to go back to NY and take the kids. And I want a pony. You don't always get what you want. I feel like I'm also going to be divorcing my kids:( Says who? Why does she automatically get the kids?
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Get a lawyer and fight for the kids.
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I know she wants to go back to NY and take the kids. And I want a pony. You don't always get what you want. Thanks. That's pretty funny. I needed a good laugh. I just assume she'll get the kids. She's a stay-at-home mom. Gonna be a real long shot for me to win custody. Today, I'm definitely leaning toward D. I'm really just sick and tired. I can't imagine some of the people on here doing Plan A for months and months and then Plan B for a couple years! I love my wife and kids, but that will never happen with me. I'm too pissed and disappointed. I can't put up with this insanity. Maybe my WW knows this and that's why she had the affair. Who knows?
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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If you fight and fight hard, you will get the kids. Maybe not 100% but...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I doubt I'll get the kids. The system is biased toward women. Even waywards. Lets be honest.
Anyway, I'm still young. I can move on. Take the $child support loss each month. Hopefully not pay alimony.
The weird thing about all this is I'm the one who going to be fine if we divorce, and yet I'm the one fighting to save the marriage!
My WW is really screwing her life up (and the kids'). She's going to have to move from our big 4-bedroom house to a crappy apartment. Take a crappy job. Be a single mom. Have no financial support. And I imagine her relationship with OM will fall apart within a year.
Yet she insists everything is going to be rosy. She just has no rational thought right now.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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I doubt I'll get the kids. The system is biased toward women. Even waywards. Lets be honest.
Anyway, I'm still young. I can move on. Take the $child support loss each month. Hopefully not pay alimony.
The weird thing about all this is I'm the one who going to be fine if we divorce, and yet I'm the one fighting to save the marriage!
My WW is really screwing her life up (and the kids'). She's going to have to move from our big 4-bedroom house to a crappy apartment. Take a crappy job. Be a single mom. Have no financial support. And I imagine her relationship with OM will fall apart within a year.
Yet she insists everything is going to be rosy. She just has no rational thought right now. It's amazing, isn't it? All because they are "IN LURVE". It's exactly the same with my sitch. And The Leopard will never once admit that what she did was wrong, immoral, unethical, damaging and hurtful. It's all "part of her journey," she is fond of saying. Now I realize there are more than "things" to life, but she never had it better. I'm still recovering financially, as well as emotionally.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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TE,
What state do you live in?
Don't assume the courts are biased towards women. They are to an extent, but not nearly at the level of before.
I would have gotten 50/50 if I had fought things right off the bat.
My experience with the courts is that they acknowledge the value of father's and do seek to have regular and frequent involevement with fathers.
I too feared the courts, but the reality is different than the perception. Many fathers give away their rights. Those who fight do just fine if they go prepared.
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I don't want to mention the state, but it is in the South and father's do have more rights here.
I'm sure if I spent enough money, I could keep her from moving back up North and possibly win custody. But I'm going to have to spend a ton on lawyers.
On Friday, we are going to see our MC again. He is great. Right now, I am no longer speaking to WW. I've had enough of Plan A. Unfortunately, I had expectations and I know you can't in Plan A, but I did.
So now I'm in Plan "live in the downstairs spare bedroom and not talk to WW." I just don't see the point talking to her anymore when every other word out of her mouth is a lie or delusion.
If our MC can't talk some sense into her on Friday, I'm am simply going to have have to file. It's been almost 6 months since D-day and she's shown no remorse or willingness to work on the M.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Trying,
Please see an attorney. I see so many dad's on here just assume that they will not get custody. The courts may blow up her little love nest in NY dream if you have your ducks in a row. Taking your kids out of their home, away from there dad and 700 miles away throws a monkie wrench into the automatic assumption of full custody.
Both my H and my DS got full custody of their minor children. My DS's daughter's mom gave up even her visitation by moving out of state. She was allowed only to visit with the girls if she came back to their home state.
If you want custody start interviewing attorneys and find one who says what you want to hear. If she finds out that she has to stay in the state, it might change her mind about alot of things.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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I am meeting with an attorney tomorrow.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 561
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Posts: 561 |
It's exactly the same with my sitch.
Now I realize there are more than "things" to life, but she never had it better. My wife wanted a kid before she turned 30. We had a kid before she turned 30. She wanted another kid. We had another kid. I got a job that required relocation. She said, "I'm not moving there unless we buy a house." So we bought a house. A great big expensive house. And then she cheated on me. Thanks.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 895
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Trying, sometimes that is just the problem with a wayward mind. They always think they want something more. Just a little more will make them happy. Some waywards are jut grass is greener people.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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Posts: 561
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It's so infuriating. She says she was unhappy years before the affair. It has nothing to do with the affair.
THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE US BUY A HOUSE??!!
She replies, "Because I thought it would make us happy."
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Posts: 2,888
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It's so infuriating. She says she was unhappy years before the affair. It has nothing to do with the affair.
THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE US BUY A HOUSE??!!
She replies, "Because I thought it would make us happy." It's the Great Wayward History Rewrite�. If life was so unhappy for all those years, how come we have all these photos of us --taken all over the world-- of us smiling and having such a good time? Why is it that you used to tell people that you felt your Higher Power put us together? Or that we held hands everywhere we went, and people thought we were the poster children for the Happy Couple? Yeah, it was all smoke and mirrors. Right.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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