I wonder myself why ppl cheat. Some Men seem to want to be both the maddman loverboy "me Tarzan, you Jane" sex machines and the most trusted patriarch type like Steve Douglas from My Three Sons at the same time. It might be a drive that they supress because they know better but I think the "studly" attitude exists inside most testostrezone equipped men.

Women have allways been said to require attention from more than one source, I am a guy so I can't answer 1st hand whether that is hormonal from estrogen or not but I think its important that they are more sensitive to outside influences.
I am a Fan of women and their ability to multi-task and truthfully, I am someone who was allways told to slow down and not "work so hard" and I see women work harder than most men. They seem to be more aware of everything from peoples opinions/social status to others emotional needs and states of mind. Enviroment has great influence for females opposed to a lot of men who would rather be taken care of.

But this is about cheating and why so.. Why?

I believe Men have this need to be the center of the universe and when it gets out of control because their ego gets damaged, Age, loss of a job, health,sexual vitality,(ED), loss of authority, they seek someone to dominate that makes them feel better. Its rather a childish reaction and they hide thier fear of "impotance", whether the impotance comes from realizing they are mortal and are going to die some day or maybe some life event that shakes their security. So they find someone who they can believe loves them for who they are inside instead of accepting whatever is happening in their life. I call it childish because its a way to revert back to that part of us that needs comforting in the "superego" which wants to believe that the world revolves around us and our feelings. So its an escape and the new "wild and free" sexual activity or emotional bond they make is somehow going to " make it all go away mommy" They run and hide from the very things that would enrich their appreciation of lifes temporary highs and lows. The loss of power, influence, physical vitality, along with the dreams of youth that don't allways come true.

Now for women? Well as Men seem to believe they are supposed to be the center of the universe and KIng Kong women need to believe they are loved and accepted by the kingdom. If they respect their Husband and who he is and trust that he loves her and will protect her above all else I believe most women will give themselves wholeheartly just to thier Husband. Because women are more sensitive to enviroment and the opinions of others they are allways in a place of comparison, or should I say a choice, of what is safe for her. Is her husband someone who makes her feel safe? Is she accepted in her community and/or does her husband compare well to what is at this time what she wants in her life? Is Hubby embarassing or flattering to have around and what has he done to show me he loves me anyway lately?
I will admit us guys are sometimes so obliviuos and our wives need to clue us in. We are bulls in the china shops and sometimes get so lazy that we need a cattle prod to get a clue. If a women feels that her Husband is not excited and happy about loving her it will eventually wear her down and cause her to seek a way to feel loved, or a way to deny that she hurts this way. If Hubby dismisses these feelings with her as being silly it only makes the fear go underground and maybe she seeks solice in whatever she can find untill it just comes out another way. Now if hubby recognizes and validates her feelings he might not be able to help her in all of them, but at least he allows her to be human and remains connected to her emotionally.

I can't understand how a Man who calls himslf a man or does not see that his wifes sensitive nature that IS more in tune than his is really in touch with what makes the union strong or how priveledged he is to be in her life . The husbands #1 job is to be willing to die for his wife and children to protect them. That means losing everything if nessesary to do so. His comfy job and carreer expectations, his man about town reputation if that was important, his screwy friends and/or relatives if they threaten the moral character of his home. He lays down his life, not just flesh and blood life, but the concepts and frail towers of temporal power he carrys around if it gets between him and his women. He is to work shoveling ditches even if he is a colledge grad in order to provide shelter if need be and to do it with a glad heart because he is priveledged to have a family.

So what happens to women whos Hubby fits that criteria and stray anyway? My guess is that they just let their emotional need to be in the perfect love, all consuming, passionate and hidden from the prying eyes of the world is a release from the fears of how the world judges them. Even if a guy is doing all he possibly can for them they seek more and a freedom that is not present in their marraige. It might be a realistic freedom that is not there because of poor comunication or marraige practices or it could be a selfish desire that is childish in nature. But its an emotional abandon that they run to because they don't attack the problem head on when they cheat. They could just ask for a divorce instaed of cheating and then go out and find someone new if they wanted to and at least give the spouse a chance to change but that would mean work.
Cheating is the lazy way out and appears to be out of our control for both the men and women who are lost in their emotions. They are afraid and run. Do they run to justify some wild urges that they know are not acceptable to the rest of the world and they will not give up? Or do they run from extremly difficlt relationships they have at home with there spouse and/or family that could be worked out but they don't see how? Either way I can't see how either situation merits cheating and lieing. I also wont acknowledge that its understandable and OK considering the "circumstances". I think that any of the former waywards here will agree that their emotions were in charge of them when they strayed, not their convictions. I know we all are here because we have made mistakes or have been hurt by others and we all need to be supported. Any one of us could find ourselves in the shoes of someone else and none of us have acted perfectly. "There but for the Grace of God go I"

What about our animal nature and the drive to procreate that God instilled in us? Well that can be an arguement if you wish to revert to animal nature but then why lie? Why not men fight to the death to mate with a visually attractive women and woman submit to many men as they are the most powerful and aggresive of the two genders? So why lie? Just live like animals in the local honky tonk and to the victor go the spoils?
Its just a way to be children to me and get away with what is wrong mainly because we know its wrong and get a thrill out of it. It allways catches up to us though. We reap what we sow and the Karma Bus comes around.

JEEEZ I went on, but atena started it!!


I agree that fear is our greatest enemy and our primary motivator in life. Its what consequences we fear that determine our actions

shaddup, Zelmo...

I'll have to decline, Mel.

I could not get to sleep last night....racing thoughts with flashbacks of past life and now....finally gave up and the guys and I (dogs, not men!)watched the Westminister Dog Show I had on tivo together. My guys could definitely compete, but they prefer a life of leisure....

Anyway, I guess while trying to hold myself together through all of this and go on with life, my anxiety is coming out at night preventing normal sleep patterns. Ugh. It makes you feel constantly tired and of course, at my age, beauty sleep is a necessity!

Life is hard and sometimes hard sucks, but we all have to find that silver lining behind every rain cloud that lands over us. Remember though, the only constant is change. Nothing will ever be the same again so the way I see it, grab 'the now' when it is slapping you in the face and just know to let go when it becomes 'the past'.