I totally agree with Say.

Right now you could file emergency papers and be guaranteed financial support. You have been the stay at home parent.
A judge would guarantee that you have exclusive use of the home (especially with her recent VIOLENCE) and require her to continue supporting you and the boys.

In the meantime, you can continue looking for work.

Stop thinking that you are her financial slave. You do have options if you get moving.

Every day you fail to act, is another day she gains equal status.. Expecially when you HELP her avoid the legal consequences of her actions. Big mistake.

I wish you would use your leverage before you lose it.

......

Where you expecting a different answer???....


"Pat so pathetic.....Pass me some more cake, please...."

Seriously, you need to grow a pair.....this has become a poster child for "How to NOT follow the Plans"....

Again, you have not ONE good excuse for not going into Plan B, but 3 precious reasons why you should.....

Not2fun

Well, c'mon folks! His DD is still only a few weeks ago! Even if he read MB 24/7 your thinking does not change in a few days, weeks or months.

Pat, I think you are doing the best you can under these terrible conditions. But the advice to protect yourself is crutial. Find an atty that gives free initial consults (at the very least!- fer godsake, man) and see what your REAL options are.

jmho

I have spoken with an attorney, I have not retained her. I met her 3 different times and she feels I have a very very good case for primary. Yes, she said filing while I'm home would help in some ways, but the problem is with what the courts order her to pay, we lose the house. Which means the kids suffer. I am trying to hold out for the job so I don't have to move. She cannot afford an attorney and anyway, she knows I have a better case. I just have to ignore her insolence and wait it out a little longer. I know it looks like I left them in the jar over the fireplace, but I do not want the kids to be moved. They are going to have enough trauma from this. My case is solid, so having a job can only help.

Like many families with a a SAH parent, your situation is very precarious. I'm not sure if you read my sitch but we ended up coming within 15 days of losing the house to foreclosure. In my case, we had a doublewide and the real house on the property.

My exWW was dead set on me moving out immediately after she asked for the divorce. She was a SAHM too. EVERYONE on both sides told her if that happened we would lose the house. Eveyone told her to have her second cousin move out of the doublewide and one of us live in it until the point in time that she can get her career back on track.

However, once I caught her in bed with her second cousin, she filed a protection order which got me out of the house. At the hearing the next week, she asked for a continuance which delayed things for 6 weeks and I was stuck finding a place to live. I couldn't pay the house, rent at my new place, and child support so I had no other choice but to stop paying the mortgage.

Your situation is very similar to mine and I think you are making the wiser long term decision (i.e thinking post divorce financial standing) by using discretion before using the nuclear option of filing a protection order to get your WW out of the house.

So it is all right to say WS is having affair to kids, mine are 15 and adult, even though this is a negative comment against spouse?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

It is not NEGATIVE to speak the truth to your children about what is going on in their life. IF the WS doesn't like it, then they shouldn't be doing it.....

not2fun

I hear ya. With her travel schedule and such, she cannot afford to put me out. She would have no one to watch the kids and she can't do her job without me. She puts (or trys) to put me out, she loses her job.

Pat,

She'll find a way to make it work. Erase the illusion that she needs you. She'll watch the kids herself or she'll get a sitter.

Or, if she is really dumb, she'll have you watch the kids even when you live apart, which simply strengthens your case.

She can't claim you're a bad parent if you have proof after proof that she leaves the kids with you.

The situation you're in is very abusive to you. You're stuck wondering what she's doing and spying becomes an obsession where you wish you could think of something else, but it's tough to do so.

Reach out to some friends in this tough time.

I think you have a wise approach to getting that job and setting yourself up for separation before you go to Plan B.

She's completely lying to you about seeing this man. The fact that she says, "none of your business" is proof of this. A remorseful WW would not say this.

Just don't go into D expecting that the reality will wake her up. It may or may not.

Make sure that if you file you request that the parmour not be permitted around the children. Put that in any motion you file.

Ask for sole physical and legal (you won't get it, but ask for it) and for CS and alimony.

With a job you can get yourself a daycare, get some government help if it's available based on your income level, and start your new life.

Best of luck.

Last night she was rather direct and she is filling this week. I said go ahead and do what you need to do. She is worried that I will make this a blood bath. She wants "amicable" to which I said it's a little late for that. Do what you need to do and I'll do what I need to do. She has no idea the world of sh*t that she is going to bring. She thinks she can keep the house...wrong. She thinks she can have the kids....wrong. I don't have any idea how she thinks this will all work for her. But, I can't stop her. She was very direct and non ambiguous about it this time. We'll see. I guess it's over, so I can only do what's best for me now. I hate to get into a battle, but I guess I have no choice now. Yuk!

Pat,

THis woman does not respect you. She thinks she can dictate the terms of your divorce, and manipulate you into being amicable about it.

Would you PLEASE file and get emergency custody and use of the home and put her OUT? Show this woman you have some BALLS...Absolutely do NOT help her weasel out of those domestic violence charges! I hope you haven't already written that letter in her defense....

Patriot: Every WS wants an amicable, friendly, easy, happy-family divorce that they can feel good about.

Did you see this recent MB thread?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2275600#Post2275600

And please listen to Lexxxy!!!

It will be better if you beat her to the punch of filing and make her feel the hurt of what it will be like if she does pursue divorce. Get her out of the house, get spousal support and child support deducted straight from her paycheck, and knock down her entitlement down a notch. Maybe divorce won't seem like such a good thing anymore.

If you do not want a divorce right now, don't talk like you do (want a divorce- not a good time to bluff). Seperate, if that is going to calm the drama. Can you file for a legal seperation/support?

This is still so very, very sudden. I don't want to see this family get railroaded into a no turn back situation before 8 weeks have passed.

No legal separation in Texas.

It dosen't matter who files first, the courts are going to decide on custody and all. The last two days she has been beyond nice. Saturday she had a good cry and all that when she told me she wanted a divorce and how she could never forgive me for the arrest and alienating her from her family. I don't know what to make of it. This morning she was telling me all the stuff she has to do this week and again no mention of D. I am not going to bring it up, but I don't know what is going on. Is she being nice to keep me from doing something, or has she had a change of heart. I can't figure. She got a notice for her court date this morning and instead of going crazy, she was fine. I'm confused, but I don't want to start the conversation over again. I know you all think I'm crazy, but I don't think there is any contact right now. I think this is more about the past and wher arrest and family. There is nothing she can do that would hurt my chances in court, so I don't feel any urgency to "beat her to the punch". Plus as Barbie says it's only been 7 weeks and a LOT has happened. So yes, I still have my "Balls" and I still have the ability to fight in court.But I have nothing to gain in filing first.

Pat,

I sure hope you are right. I would be remiss if I didn't say that I have a bad feeling about this. Your W is having issues and her response to all of this may not be what you expect.

Have you spoken to her parents? If so what do they say? They should be talking to her at this point whether she wants them to or not.

God Bless,

JL

That would be my guess.



Probably because she knows that if she flips out now, it might make it worse for her. She may be also "acting" nice while she plans her next step.

Never underestimate a WW!

She needs you for the upcoming court date if she wants to get everything dropped. That's why she is going to be nice up until the court date. Your lack of a plan and willingness to sit back and wait and see what she will do is going to be your downfall. You've been warned again and again.

It's true the courts will ultimately decide. In the meantime... If she were to take the kids and have you served, in Texas she would maintain custody until temporary orders are given in court.