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Joined: Aug 1999
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Here is the advice you seek.
REad it very carefully.
You are married right? Do you recall your vows? Did they say "forsake all others"? Did they say love, honor, respect each other?
What part of what you have posted falls into any of these categories? The answer is NONE OF THEM. You have a huge problem with your W, but you have just as big a problem with yourself. If are willing to use a whore, even for oral, and think it is unfair you can't go further, you don't have a clue as to what marriage is.
My advice is learn what a marriage really means, what your vows mean, and then decide if you really want to be married. After that all decisions will become obvious.
JL
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Joined: May 2002
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I don't think you are M material nor honest about saving your M. You just try to find quick fix since the table is turned on you. In complete and total agreement. Guys please don't judge me I just came here for some advice, if ididnt have time to read the courses, or books its I have no time read much because of my working schedule. Those are not the words of someone who is willing to work to repair a marriage. If you were serious about repairing your marriage, you would FIND and MAKE time. Yet in the past year and change, you didn't, and that says it all right there.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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well our MC doesnt know yet were do to see her at our regular schedule next week. I was just informed of this this week? I dont know how to bring this up? Should i bring it up, without her there? Should i confront at the MC? Would she deny it? Should i tell taht i went through her phone and saw all of this???
and i dont want this, I dont want her to do this but seems pretty sure and really wants this. i asid the only way to dothis is if im involved in tis too, just to see what she would say , so she said she dont want that and what if her lover (girl ) dont want that?. I feel like shes been braiwashed???? You didn't answer my questions: 1) you are horrified at your wife's proposal of "giving" you a call girl appointment for your birthday, right? 2) you don't think the call girl appointment is a good idea, do you? They are simple yes or no questions. Let me add a third: 3) When you got married, did you promise to "forsake all others"?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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I didn't mean to be rude. I want to clarify it. Your grammar and words on your last post are different than your earlier post or even the first paragraph of your last post. This is not you. I hope you read JL's post to you and take it in. Good luck.
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Redhat - I think he sounded weird because he was posting from his smart phone. Whenever I do that, I sound abrupt and rude (more than the usual).
LOL 
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Joined: Oct 2000
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What bothers me is this.
You want someone else (us) to do the reading, do the research, do the process that eventually offers a solution, and then just hand it to you.
What you fail to appreciate is this.
The process is the solution.
You will not learn how to manage your future marriage conflicts if someone else (us) does the process for you.
You want a shortcut.
Sorry.
It seems you have been taking shortcuts for awhile, and that's why you haven't learned the MB process.
Take the time.
Do the work.
Do the reading.
And mostly, do your own thinking things through.
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Joined: May 2002
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The process is the solution.
YES! There is no shortcut. If you are serious about fixing your marriage, you have to read the materials, do some thinking, make some behavioral changes. Nobody else can do that for you.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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Pep, I hope he is not driving while texting
I also hope he will be back and really accept that he is not ready and willing to work on this.
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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I'm thinkin' he won't be back. When I saw the title of this thread yesterday I thought to myself, "For real?!?" I'm still thinking that.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Because of the 'salacious' nature of his threads, I've been assuming he's not for real.
Last edited by lildoggie; 02/25/10 06:45 PM. Reason: sp
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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I'm thinkin' he won't be back. When I saw the title of this thread yesterday I thought to myself, "For real?!?" I'm still thinking that. I have that thought too. My first was Maybe his MC advice W to use "paradoxical method" ... and IT WORK !!  .
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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