See a lawyer. Each state is different.

JL

Hi HB,

I don't post here much at all because I honestly feel I don't have lots in practical or MB advice to offer.

My wife has suffered from depression for a long time now, and what I have told her in the past is to sit down in a quiet time either late at night or early morning, and make an honest list of her good qualities. I'm sure that someone has told you about doing that in the past, and yea easier said than done.

You might want to try that, like tonight, or tomorrow morning, and remind yourself that your wife's hurtful email didn't even consider all of your good qualities. Then I would suggest that you just deflect her email, and send her an email card back...you know...one of those flowery cards in the 'thinking of you' category, just to express to her that despite her hurtful expression, that you still care about her as a person. I can guarantee you who will feel better and more peaceful after that.

Just be assured that you will be remembered in my prayers.

Tom

Yes, file first.

You will hurt for a while. I hurt for about 3 years. It gets less and less each day. You may not hurt as long since you had no kids.

Trust me, she's doing you a favor. The day will come when you see the good memories you have with her as an illusion.

Good riddance. Seriously.

Learn from this. Let yourself mature. Be with a woman who deserves you.

But you will indeed hurt for a while. Years, actually.

Get a good therapist. Mine did wonders for me.

Best of luck.

Thank you so much Tom. I really appreciate your kind words and keeping me in your prayers.

Thanks so much helpthelostdads. I appreciate it.

I have a question hopefully someone can help me out with. My WW birthday is on April 22. What do I do? I don't think I will get her a gift but should I call and wish her a happy birthday, at least? What do you guys think???

She'll be expecting it. She sees you as her fallback man while her little trysts go on.

Wishing her a happy birthday is a waste of time. Purge her from your system. She's a cancer that will eat at your soul the longer you hold on to her.

This is also litterally doing damage to your heart. Trust me. Take your BP and you will see it is high. It takes its toll and ends up causing enlargement.

I've been there.

I know you have a hard time picturing it, but the day will come where you literally don't care about her in any way. You will gain absolutely nothing by giving her attention and she will be expecting it. The best thing you can do is either do a Plan B letter and go totally dark or simply cut her out of your life completely.

Better yet, have her served with divorce papers on her birthday. There are billions of women in the world. You can find love again and do so with someone who is less likely to cheat. Look at the qualities that made her prone to this and find someone who has the maturity that is necessary for marriage. Better yet, don't look for marriage. Date with no expectations (don't do this for a while).

Have faith that you won't think of her much as time goes on. DON�T send her anything for her birthday.

What has she done to deserve an ounce of good attention from you when she just told you how much you allegedly suck?

Well if all goes well, I will finally graduate with my associate degree today. It has been a tough few months making it through school because of what has happened to my marriage. I feel pretty proud that I made it this far. Thanks for all of your help as well. You guys have helped me out more than you know. Thanks again.

Now I found out that a friend of mine who is a police officer was just killed. I just hung out with him last weekend and we had a blast. Why do all of these bad things have to keep happening?

I am sorry about your friend. ((((HB&&))))

Congrats? What is your degree in? Hope it advances your career to the top.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your losses, my friend. You get hit in threes.

Four years ago I:

Lost my wife.
Found out she cheated.
Left the AF and was unemployed.
Was separated from my kids.
Was homeless and living with friends of ex
Had only my car and what fit in it
Lived somewhere where I had no family
Didn't have any friends nearby
Was broke

All of this became overwhelming and I literally spent a week in the psych ward as a result.

Today:

Getting married to a wonderful woman
Get to see my kids all the time
Have a very good paying job
Have friends I've made locally
Have a home of my own
Am no longer broke

I have no complaints. Life is good. I couldn't be happier.

Things will get better. Expect that.

What did you do on her birthday?

I just gave her a call and wished her a happy birthday. She didn't seem to care and that's all that happened. Thank you all for the condolences as well.

So far it's just an associates degree in general education. But I did graduate today and it's a start.

I pray for time to heal my wounds, but if this takes years to do, I don't know how I'm going to make it! Everyday I dread getting out of bed and facing the day. I just want to lay in bed all the time and know this isn't healthy. I try to get exercise when I can. I go biking and hiking... i even do a little jogging and I hope to be able to play some basketball again soon.

I struggle making it to work each day and I'm often late or I just call in sick. I can't lose my job, it is very important to me. I think maybe some of the medicines I am taking for depression and anxiety (I take 3 different pills each day) are making me extra tired in the mornings. I hope to someday feel well enough to cut back on these meds and maybe even drop a couple, but for now, I need them.

Sometimes I don't think I will ever be happy again. I want so much to be happy again and to feel like my old self. Right now I really don't like myself and I don't want to feel that way. Sometimes I get so depressed still that I scare myself. I would never ever kill myself, but sometimes I just wish I wasn't alive and I didn't have to face this hell everyday.

I was not like this before i found out my W cheated and we separated. I feel it has killed a part of my soul. I try to just man up and not let these things bother me, but it's just too much sometimes. Any advice to help me would be greatly appreciated. I really do appreciate your comments and help for me. I listen to what everyone has say and I try to apply it to my life to make myself better. Thanks again,

HEARTBROKEN

Hang in there buddy. The only thing that you can do is take care of yourself.
I feel your pain, there is nothing in this world that can hurt me more than what my WW has done to our family. Yet here I am.

At this very moment my WW is with her OM and it will not keep me up tonight. Why? Because she is her own person and must learn the pain she has caused on her own. I can't control her. Today I decided that I won't let her actions affect me negitivly, she is not herself right now, and may never be herself ever again. But that's ok, I will not empower her to control my feelings while she is in her fog.

Heartbroken, you will be ok. You are not alone.

Thank you for your reply and good advise. I need to learn to be in control of my own feelings and not let her control me. It is so hard though. I'm feeling so down, but I'm going to try to be positive.

My WW and I have almost no contact with each other anymore except she may text me if she needs something, which is very rarely. I don't communicate with her, but recently she started texting me about possibly meeting up somewhere neutral and talking about everything.

I know when she left, we left a lot undone and unsaid. So I agreed to meeting with her and she agreed to a place that I suggested. We started making the beginning plans and now, suddenly, she won't return my messages and refuses to talk with me on the phone.

I think she is just playing her same old games and I am just leaving her alone now. I'm leaving it all on her now, if she wants to meet again. Why can't I just let go???

Recently my WW started texting me that she plans on coming to visit me and talk things over. She says she wants to talk with me face to face to straighten things out. Whatever that means? At the same time though, she wants to visit with all of her good-time friends.

I believe she is dealing with a lot of guilt and just wants to get certain things off her chest to make herself feel better, not for me. We have had very limited contact but she was thinking of flying here around the 4th of July area. I would love to see her again, but I'm also very skeptical about much progress being made.

Any advice or thoughts?