I can attest to the fact that it doesn't matter if anyone wants to confront WH, just knowing that others know made a difference in my situation.

You are getting great advice to go ahead and do FB exposure before OW gets a chance to make you out to look like the crazy jealous wife.

Stay strong, I know it's hard.

Ok, well a few of her closest friends know now because our mutual friend has shared. Most of them are married and have children and are already shunning her. One even canceled plans with her this Friday without giving a reason.

My mutual friend is still giving me little updates about her FB and if she has heard anything and she says she STILL hasnt posted anything and a couple people continue to say why arent you answering the phone. She wont answer anyones phone calls, I think she knows that I have shared it with my mutual friend who in turned called some other friends.

They are all dissappointed and are keeping their distance, which shes says the OW hates. So shes probably freaking out, I think. My husband is no longer mad at me and has reached out to me to say hes ending things this weekend when her kids are with their father and will be home. He already sent me a confirmation for our reservations for a couple day trip to Galveston and Moody Gardens as a family.

I dont know what to expect and I will only believe him once he is here and we are on our little vacation. He has agreed to go to counseling. I am honestly irritated as to why he needs a couple days before he ends it but I can sense through these friends and my husband that things are nearing an end. They say she is extremely social and to not answer her phone and not get on FB is extremely weird.

My mutual friend said that if he doesnt follow through this weekend, she and all her friends will email her saying that they know and encourage her to leave my husband alone.

I am still Plan Aing, I took him Breakfast at the business and he said he had a break in about an hour for a couple hours and was going to come hang out with me since our son is at Pre-K today.

Why is he waiting?

Is he planning to break it off with her IN PERSON????

That is a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good idea.

You two should write a no contact letter together, mail it together, then change phone numbers and email addys.

He should end it by sending her a LETTER. He should not end it in person. If so, you can expect them to end up in bed together and for the affair to RESUME. The way to close the door is to...............close the door. He should send a letter that is approved by you and mailed together. But you should NOT agree for him to see this skank again. That is outrageous! If he does plan on doing that, tell him you will there too. Here is a template of the letter that should be sent:

here



[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Your friend should do this TODAY. NOW. If they want to help you, they need to do it NOW while you need this help. Why would they wait to help you when you need the help NOW? This will pressure her to end her affair with your H if she knows others are watching. As it is now, they are planning another rendezvous this weekend. Your H has already told you this. And got your blessing!

KK, you are passing up VALUABLE opportunities to kill this affair and I do not understand WHY. A facebook exposure would ruin this affair and you are passing up that opportunity. Do you want to save your marriage, KK?

How is that helpful for your friends to just gossip about her and never confront her with the real reason? That makes no sense whatsoever. The power of exposure is to EXPOSE, not to keep it SECRET. It is useless unless the OW KNOWS she has been exposed.

\KK, is your goal to PROTECT the OW from the consequences of her behavior? Because that is exactly what you and your friends are doing. YOU ARE PROTECTING THE OW AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE.

KK,

He's scrambling to try and keep YOU quiet while he carries on his affair. It's the nature of the addiction......

This weekend "idea" of his is idiotic at best. Do NOT agree to it. You cannot stop hi
from doing it but you need to tell him calmly that his doing this is causing you further pain.....the infidels will do ANYTHING for another fix.......

You really should send out that email today. She seems to be uncomfortable with being a Pariah with the small amount of exposure done but obviously not enough to end things. Time to up the pain factor for her.....

Not2fun

ML knows what she's talking about. Right now you are passing up opportunities to kill the A. Without a nuclear exposure I doubt the A will end. WH ending the A in person is a recipe for disaster. WH is in the fog and not in his right mind right now. No matter how much you want to believe him and no matter how much he sounds believable. You can't trust what he says right now. That includes trusting that he will end the A. What's his excuse for waiting to end it?

If you want to save your marriage I suggest you take the advice of the others here on the board and do a nuclear FB exposure. If your friend wants to contact OW to put pressure on her don't wait to do it, do it now. In my situation OW began to throw WH under the bus once mutual friends began to come to her and ask her what the deal was. So if your friends are going to talk to her have them do it now.

A couple things I have learned while going through this process myself is that timing is everything and that exposure WORKS. If you are putting on a good plan A and you expose then you are on your way to saving your marriage. I'm sure someone posted the carrot and the stick of Plan A. I can truly attest to the fact that the plan won't work by just doing one part and not the other.

Remember those on this board who are trying to help you save your marriage have been where you are before. We know your pain. Be strong

KK, please please listen to the advice you have been getting since your last update. If OW is willing to meet with your H to "end" things, then that's a very good sign she hasn't closed the door on the A. I do not believe the A is ending, not at all.

You will know your H is serious about ending the A when he agrees to send a NC letter. Any talk of meeting in person means he wants to keep the affair going.

What we don't want to see happen here for you is a false recovery, which is where your H will tell you he has ended things, tells you he is invested in theM...but keeps in contact with OW and they take things further underground. That's why we are pushing you to end this now with the FB exposure.

KK -- you are being played.

Your husband doesn't need to spend the weekend with her to END a relationship. ML is right, its just to get some more time in bed together. "Closure" -- yeah right.

If he wants to end -- he would END IT. Not spend more time with her. He still has the messed-up idea that he owes her something.
He does not. He owes YOU.

He's trying to passify you with a family trip and promises.

Watch his ACTIONS kk. Not his words.

His ACTIONS show you he is continuing this affair.

And finish exposing this.

Send the letter you prepared to every FB contact you have.

Make her squirm about having an affair with your husband. Make it DIFFICULT for her to continue. Make it unworthwhile for her to continue this affair. Make it a pain in her a$$ to keep seeing him. Cause CHAOS in the affair. Make her furious-- because the only person she can take that out on is your husband.

These words must come from you -- not second hand gossip.

Be strong for your family KK.

KK,

Okay, I have a couple of comments about this.......

First and most IMPORTANTLY, I hope you tell him that you will NOT be having sex with him UNTIL he gets tested and comes back with a clean bill of health. It's not just you that you need to protect. Usually, I don't comment on this issue to much, but because of your precarious condition, I really want to stress this issue. Also, you need to tell your OB what is going on in your marriage at your next visit so he can test you during this pregnancy. You have another life at stake here, and God only knows what is going on between hoochy's legs......I would HATE to hear how WH infects you with something......

Ok, about this trip....this is not UNCOMMON for a WS to do this with their BS's. It is usually an APPEASEMENT to the BS in order to gaslight them into not snooping, releasing conditions for recovery, or to keep them quiet.

During my ordeal, I had found an email one night H had written OW. It was an AWFUL email. Telling her how much he missed her, how she was all he could think about, and how he was going to have sex with me that night to get "back" at her......
It was awful!!!!!!....I woke him up, threw his [censored] outta the house, and didn't speak to him for 3 days. He scheduled a weekend seminare (per our MC's advice at the time) on marriage (not the MB seminare....oh how I wish....), all in order to get back into my good graces. It worked. Until, I found him emailing her again, while we were on a CRUISE 2 weeks after the seminare.

Another former poster here, Mimi (a good friend and a mentor during my ordeal), her H took her on a trip of a LIFETIME, all in the name of trying to "rebuild" their marriage. The DAY they came home, she found him in a hotel room with OW!!!!!!

WS will do ANYTHING to keep their affairs going. Because they are ADDICTED to the OP. They will do anything to get that next "high". Even if they know it is the wrong thing to do, even if they suffer from guilt when doing it, even if it means hurting their BS's. Its the nature of the beast.

Now, I'm not saying don't go on this trip, I'm just saying be very CAUTIOUS about this action of his. Because while we say watch his actions, what we mean, is watch his actions concerning OW. He needs to end this affair. He needs to send a NO CONTACT letter, give you access to all emails, change his cell-phone number, and be ACCOUNTABLE for his where-abouts. Because, really, without this you will find that either....

1. the affair will resume or
2. it never ended, they only got better at hiding it from you


This is good. I HIGHLY recommend you do counseling through the Harley's. They will help guide you through this mess. They are the BEST. It's phone counseling so you wouldn't even need a babysitter during your sessions.......Here's a link to the Coaching Center.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html

Take a look at it. It should answer all of your questions.

Now, I hope you are taking good care of yourself and your little one. Eating properly and resting often. I KNOW the havoc an affair wreaks on the BS (I lost 45 lbs. in 3 months.....loved the results, just not how I got them....), so with your pregnancy I worry a bit.......

not2fun

KK

Did you expose on Facebook?

I read thought the last few pages of this thread on the edge of my seat yelling for you to pull the trigger and do the exposure!

Listen and follow the advice given please!!!!

Kk,

well, what went down this weekend? I hope you and sin are doing well. Thought of you during the weekend..... Let us know where things stand...

No2fun

Ok, you all were right. (please do not rub it in my face) I never exposed it on FB and things have not changed. He is still living with her and I have filed for divorce.

Is it too late to do a FB exposure?? What can I do next? I have not been speaking to him for 3 weeks now. I am almost 6 months pregnant and feel as though I am done with him. He showed up crying several times but has never ended it and/or tried to move back home.

It's not harley-written but you might want to read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, PhD.

A textbook case of what happens after Exposure Lite. Okay, KK. I'm not sure what you want us to tell you because you've shown us that you aren't willing to follow the plan. You'll have to give us a little more info.

When did he move out of the house?
Is he currently supporting you financially?
What have family members done to apply pressure on the A, if anything?
Have you exposed to anyone since you last posted? Mass FB exposure, all your clients, anyone you hedged on exposing to?
Why did you file for divorce? What was your goal?

The unfortunate thing about Exposure Lite is that it gives the waywards ample time to arm themselves. As soon as they heard the trickling of the exposure they circled their wagons to spin the story...ie, you and your H have been on the outs for a long time, the A has nothing to do with your marital trouble, you're a crazy pregnant person who tricked your H into the pregnancy, etc. The MORE unfortunate thing is that they are able to convince themselves that the story they are spinning is true. So you might have to work harder to de-fog your WH.

Let's look at your WH. You say he's been living with her. Yet he's coming around crying. That tells me that there is at least one emotional need that the OW isn't meeting, and you can exploit that.

Please answer my questions and let's see what we can do.

So three months ago you gave him your ultimatum and you have since filed for divorce. I'm not sure what your goal is. Do you want him to come home? Do you want to divorce? Why do you want to expose this on FB after all this time?