My H never looked back...it has been 6 months now. LLL's H called her at least but mine never ever did. I am wallpaper to him, I do not exist.
so it is quite common. but it depends also what you mean by looking back...if you mean a WS that lives with OP and still harrasses BS....
blessing

My WW has executed the perfect Plan B. I have had absolutely NO CONTACT with her since the day she moved out, January 10.

It was reported to me that she put a comment on her Facebook page that she was going to be making some "legal name changes" in the near future.

Yep, she told me the last time we "spoke" that she had no regrets, no remorse and no chance for reconciliation.

So, it's over. Done.

"Hello, Vets? How normal has it been reported here that one spouse walks away and does not look back AT ALL? Is this normal?"

It's not a question of normal. Some WW and WH just walk away never wanting to come back. Hence the name walk away wife/husband.

But I always felt this was a business relationship more than a marriage. They kept their finances separate. No kids shows I have to take care of me first attitude. Both put their own careers first. This marriage had the same level of commitment as people just moving in together. Though LLL and her WH just put a veneer of respectability by getting
married.

Marriages that started out as live couples first have the highest percentage to end in divorce. Here is a case where two individuals put their individual efforts to maintain their individuality. No effort to meld together.

This partial level of commitment usually does not make strong bonds.

The Road, with all due respect, you seem to be unable to understand about my relationship with my H. There are many types of people in the world and individual differences in marriages. When you have professional persons who both have careers and people who come into marriages even at young ages with large financial assets, it is not unusual to be counseled by financial advisors and attorneys to not mix substantial individual assets. Both my H and I never saw this as a large issue between us. Before we married we discussed this at length and took the financial and legal advice we were given. Also, you seem to be precluding the idea that a marriage can be successful when the man and woman are equals professionally and educationally.

My H and I were crazy in love when we married and stayed very involved throughout our marriage until recently. We spent extensive amounts of time alone together and traveling. Because we didn't have children was no indication of our love for each other. It was a choice about what we could and couldn't reasonably do with the way we wanted to spend our lives. I, for one, don't believe everyone can do it all and give adequate time and effort to all facets of that life. It was a lifestyle we both agreed on. The fact our marriage lasted 29 years, most of which I felt were very happy and I would guess he would say that too (at least he verbalized it, treated me like it), says something about our level of commitment and our relationship. Otherwise, the "arrangement" you describe would have probably been very short lived.

I think its interesting that there is only one type of marriage you believe can work: conjoined finances, children, a very traditional type of arrangement, one partner sacrificing for the other. I find this too narrow to fit many of the successful professional persons in marriages that I know.

Our finances were always together and we did lots of things together.We have a son. We shared everything.
My H was so done with the M that he has no regrets. He could not longer stand me. The A did it but also some chemical imbalance I think....
He has no regrets...that I know of. But it is also part of his family to hold grudges and not talk to eachother for years. His mother is perfectly capable of going months without a phone call, and not for any reason really. If you cross her, she is perfectly capable of not speaking to you forever. Period.
H's dad and his sister did not speak to eachother for 4 years....
It's that kind of people...so he comes from that family and he is like them.
Oh by the way, H's 2 syblings have not spoken to eachother now for 2 years for a silly argument...
blessing

atena: I'm sorry for your pain. I think what you wrote simply exemplifies that you cannot make gross generalizations about people's marriages and what their marriages were like when they end in separation and divorce. The Road assumes couples who have a marriage and careers with no children are automatically less committed to one another. I don't buy it. There are examples of committed and less committed couples across all types of marital structures. And there are plenty of examples in this world of couples who had children, joint finances and appeared very committed and also had marriages end.

Most of my friends who've divorced have joint finances and children. Most of the people I read of on this forum are the same. It didn't protect them from problems. And some had walk-away spouses.

Very true. My XWH and I were M 36 years, NEVER had separate accounts, had a child that we did everything with, were best friends (or so I thought) and on and on.

I think it was in one of Dr. Harley's books that As happen in just as many good marriages as in bad. One size does not fit all.

Just to chime in....

My H and I are both professional, highly educated, strong careers, AND have JOINT finances....everything goes into one big pot...we share important decisions, otherwise I am the financial manager.

Having children together is a STRONG desire, but "we" have none (my stupid female issues)...."he" has one.....BIG BIG contention point in my sitch.

Prior to ONS, we were extremely happy, traveled, played, etc. etc....

Just to again illustrate there is no "cookie cutter" for a perfect marriage...life can go to hell in handbasket faster than you can blink!

Road - I don't know what your issue is with LLL, but it's personal - the way you persist and the types of attacks.

Let me tell you - I've had to be "professional" instead of barefoot and pregnant. And the lack of children isn't always a CHOICE. So your attacks are very hurtful to women who don't have children.

Lay off!

And check your own head with a therapist so that you begin to understand what your own issue is with a career woman who is bright, educated and able to take on her cheating husband with confidence!

"My H and I are both professional, highly educated, strong careers, AND have JOINT finances....everything goes into one big pot...we share important decisions, otherwise I am the financial manager."

Yes I have issues with you because you can not see the difference between LLL and migsamac.

LLL, her WH or both were not buyers.

They were renters.

You don't get any medals for being in the same "apt" for 25 years.

Road, what are you basing this opinion on? The fact that they had separate finances? So that automatically makes them "renters?"

My aunt and uncle have been married for more than 40 years, and they have separate bank accounts/finances too. Does that make them "renters?" Because they seem pretty darn happy and committed to me.

I just don't understand this inability to accept a M simply because it didn't produce any children and involves professional people who chose to keep their finances separate, for whatever reason. They were married for almost 30 years, seemingly quite happily. How does that display a "renter" mentality?

Funny Road,

What about having children makes ppl responsible carriers of the flame of human compassion and accountability to others?

What does money have to do with it?

I was excited as heck when I was 18 and getting married and planning my professional life. Had big plans. My wife decided on her own that she was going to play house and have a child even though I seriuosly wanted to get established and a home first. I asked her to wait till we were around 25. I was in it for life. She decided to stop taking the pill 2 weeks before the marriage all on her own.

Well when she became preg and we couldn't get into the service together,(AF), because of that and my messed up legs I had a choice, sign waivers and go in by myself, or continue to work my two jobs and be there for her and the child. I did the latter. I knew I was young and what service life would do to me also. I found it more appealing to be a good husband and father and to take responsibility rather than get mad because she spoiled my "plans".

Did that mean I could not have a carreer? Turns out it really hampered it. I felt very irresponsible for having a child so young and not being prepared. I didn't take it out on her and the baby though. I continued to act like a responsible adult and became a very hard working young adult with the ability to manage other adults twice to three times my age. I kept a positive attitude and manned up at the same time. It is posible ya know.

It turned out all work and no play makes sortedsomeout a dull boy though. Wife got tired of playing house and my seriuos attitude was not what she thought would happen. She wasn't prepared for me going from a party-happy teenager to this straight-laced guy and eventually left us and got preg by some cook in the place she went to work at. We had the child and she could,t bond with it and we put him up for adoption.
Stress and money and time can rob ppl of quality time together. ppl change and if you simply can't spend time together to stay connected you wont be. If you live in some fantasy world where you think money and individual identitys outside of marriage don't exist are not important you are a fool. The misconception that self-respect goes out the window and you are only what the marriage part validates you to be in life you live in slavery.

I tell you what I regret is not keeping it in my pants and seeking counsel for the relationships I have had in my life before I bonded with outrageous romantic dreams that I could survive anything without paying a price. I wanted to have the strength to adopt children someday when I was young instaed of giving one up for adoption. Bio-parents are only as good as they realize the love it takes to raise them. Its an objective love not an entitlement. Just fathering children does not make a father or a good relationship with them just like getting married is not the end of communication but the beginning of a greater form of it.
Its the responsible independant minded adult making a choice to love and sacrifice for the sake of others that I trust. Having children gives us a chance to connect with reality and be accountable for our actions but many complain and make thier life miserable because they wanna have it thier way.

I am not gonna disrespect someone who made good choices and decided to serve people as adults as a priority. I can invent how my life was somehow better because my need to change my plans and I didn'y get it my way. I can make statements of how how hard I made it for myself made me a better man or husband. Sorry I'm not selling that to my children or am I appoligizing for having them or doing the best to love them with the tools I had.

Its my problem that Im broke and have no carreer. Its not a badge for me

huh? So what if they were? What is the point? She has decided to move on, that is her prerogative. Even Dr Harley says he would do the same. I don't get where you are going with this.

Just returned from meeting with my attorney to review proposal from H and his attorney for division of assets. Pretty much what I was hoping for:
I keep city home
I keep the dogs (no visitation requested)...heck, he hasn't seen
them since he left.
I keep my automobile and the third car
He relinquishes any claim to any of my personal property or
personal investments/retirement/etc. (these were not really
in question as we had a pre-nup on this stuff)

He gets the vacation home
He gets his auto
He gets the boat
He will pay 50% of household expenses during the period between
our separation and divorce for both homes.
(I've been paying this on both homes during his
"disappearing act")

I did not ask for alimony as I make a little more than him. We have no life insurance, so that is not a consideration for beneficiaries.

So, we will go to court with the property settled if this all holds. I am satisfied and my attorney says its fair. I'm so glad...I don't want a fight. Just want to live my life calmly and get what happiness I can.

I

Amazing. This guy is going to wake up one day and wonder what happened.

Top o' the mornin to ya Pep!!

I am so relieved not to have this whole thing get ugly. I am surprised that he is being so civil with his proposal after basically treating me like a non-entity for the last several weeks. However, I consider his offer fair, and so does my attorney. It's a pretty even split, even though the city house and contents are worth more. But I think I deserve that consideration after how he left (cheating) and how he's not looked back.

I can hopefully now get the divorce over in the next couple of months (I don't know the schedule for this yet) and then I can really try live a sane life without the constant tension and stress of the last few months. Maybe I'll even get a new puppy to add to my little "family". I will proceed with trying to live well.