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Get the psychological picture out of your head that you are throwing her under the bus.
You are not harming her in any way shape or form by racking up those debts attached to those bill collectors.
They have a right to contact her and pursue what is owed them.
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Joined: Feb 2010
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Fred,
There is no bus throwing. You have the right to move on and these calls are not only annoying, they are reminders which keep you emotionally tethered to The Leopard.
You don't have to reveal her cell phone number or her address if you don't feel comfortable with that. (In fact, I think that taking that action is another kind of emotional tether. I think that if you give the address / phone number it has the same effect as the calls - it is something you're doing to get back at them / stay close to them rather than moving on & away.)
You can send the cease and desist contact letters and leave it at that. They have to stop contacting you, and that's the goal. The goal is not to put them in touch with her or, as you mused in your OP, to show the OM what he's in for.
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Joined: Nov 2009
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You are quite correct, Chris. And your solution is the most logical, if not the easiest to pursue (I do not know who some of the collection agencies are; I have phone numbers, but even Google isn't very helpful in revealing company names and addresses).
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Nov 2009
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I think the credit issue is dead. At least for now. But wait -- here comes the Karma Bus. Quick background: Our separation agreement states that she has use of my Jeep until March 31 if she decides she doesn't want to take over the payments of it. On January 10, as she was moving out, she clearly told me that she was going to return the Jeep on March 31. "It won't even smell like smoke," she vowed. Yesterday I got a note from my attorney. In violation of my restriction that only WW's attorney (she has none) could contact mine, she wrote that she had decided she wanted to keep the Jeep, and could my attorney arrange for me to transfer the title and payment book to her. For starters, the title is held by the bank (duh). For another, there is no payment book -- the bank sends me a monthly statement to which I return a portion with payment. Since the loan is in my name only, the last thing I would do is put my good credit rating in the hands of a proven deadbeat. One good thing about the weekend is that it gives one plenty of time to prepare a response. Herewith is the email I sent to my attorney today: Dear Fred's Lawyer,
Please disregard my previous email to you. I have made some minor revisions to the message I wish you to convey to Mrs. Fred.
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I find Mrs. Fred's lack of sensibilities and perspectives mind-boggling. She did not find it uncomfortable to engage in extramarital sex with another woman's husband, but found it "uncomfortable" to communicate with my designated intermediary? Had she found it comfortable enough to respect my boundaries and accede to my wishes, I might have retained some respect for her and found some willingness to work with her. But as it stands, my respect for her has vanished and I no longer have any concern or consideration for her future "comfort."
Therefore, I expect her to abide by her original decision to return the Jeep to me no later than March 31, 2010 -- and smelling smoke-free, as promised. I have already started the process of re-registering it and have removed her from the automobile insurance policy effective April 1. Any damages to the Jeep not deemed "normal wear and tear" will be noted and addressed at the time of our divorce. She can park the Jeep out in front of the house and leave the key between the glass door and front door, as I do not wish to have any interaction with her. I expect her to do this before midnight on the appointed date.
Please pass along to her the entire message (the portion between the dashed lines) -- something my intermediary would refuse to do, as it goes beyond a simple statement of intent. But this is a consequence of Mrs. Fred's actions and behavior. "Consequences," "healthy boundaries" and "personal responsibility" are all words with which she should be familiar. I pray that some day she learns their meaning.
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I hope you have had a pleasant weekend. I will be traveling to New York on Tuesday, but will be reachable before then by telephone or email.
Regards,
Fred in VA Something tells me that when Mrs. Fred learns on Monday that she has only two more days in which to return my vehicle and find alternative transportation, she'll be waiting for a ride on the Karma Bus...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: May 2009
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Hee hee....love it.
So she thought she could just take over payments? Just like that?
Hmmm....
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Joined: May 2007
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Do not allow under any circumstances for her to keep possession of the jeep while your name is still on it. The only thing that will accomplish is that you will still be responsible for her as long as she has that thing. If she wants it, she can figure a way to pay for it and then transfer it into her own name and her own insurance.
If you think I'm kidding or overreacting, here are just a few things that can possibly happen to you when someone else drives a car in your name:
1. Unpaid parking or speeding tickets can be charged to you.
2. If she's caught driving without insurance, they can come after you.
3. If she has an accident that involves serious injury or damage to a third part, and has no insurance, they will come after you.
4. If the car is involved in an illegal activity, they can come after you (I know somebody who got the full "treatment" when the people who bought his car failed to changed the registration and were subsequently caught with drugs in it).
I'm certain this is a partial list. Either the car is yours in your possession, or it is titled to someone else - her or anyone. Do not keep the title on a car you do not actually have.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Fred, is your jeep equipped with some sort of GPS locator?
She might have it "stolen" in order to avoid turning it over to you.
She just just might be that conniving.
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Fred, is your jeep equipped with some sort of GPS locator?
She might have it "stolen" in order to avoid turning it over to you.
She just just might be that conniving. The GPS I bought when I was collecting data after D-Day was a magnetized gadget that is no longer attached to the car. But I don't think she's that devious. In any event, she doesn't know that I have her current address, and I also know where OM lives. If she doesn't return the Jeep, it won't take long for the local gendarmerie (with my help) to locate it. Heck, I even have the other key. Not that I'd just go drive it off, of course...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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