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This has got to be a joke No - the joke is advising dishonesty in direct opposition to MB concepts. THAT is the joke here.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Hi Romeo, welcome to MB, sorry you have to be here. You not in love, your addicted. Infidelity:Is it love or addiction?
When people start an affair, there is excitement. There is the excitement of learning about someone new along with the excitement that goes with engaging in activities that are seen as forbidden. The Bible even mentions that �bread eaten in secret is sweet�. There is something about engaging in the forbidden that is alluring. This double dose of excitement makes the experience very emotionally intense.
The strong intensity of emotions, besides making the person feel good, has some other effects. The extra strong intensity often triggers reactions in the brain chemistry. Modern science is finding that the ideas that have been known in addiction communities for many years does have solid biological foundations. The changes in brain chemistry begin a process where the person wants that level of stimulation again. Without a lengthy explanation of the brain chemistry involved in �falling in love�, the simple explanation is the person enjoys the sensation and wants more of it.
The Neurochemistry of Affairs
* Confusing love and sex
* Unable to concentrate due to the power of obsessive thoughts
* Looking for someone to "fix" or take care of you
* Poor boundaries with others
* Talking seductively
* Frequent use of double meaning words
* Getting high from romance
* Compulsive contact with x-spouse or former partners
* Angry outburst when threatened with abandonment
* Preferring fantasy to reality
* Ignoring STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)
* Dressing provocatively
* Excessive jealousy
* Rapid weight fluctuations
It is not unusual that when in acute withdrawal from the other person, the wayward shows physical symptoms. These may include the following;
* vomiting or diarrhea
* anxiety
* depressed mood
* joint pain
* body aches
* confusion
* cramps
* memory problems
* concentration problems
* crying spells
* low energy
* obsessive thinking
* sensitive skin
The desire for �more�, is what often leads people to affairs. Those afflicted with it are often seeking the strong blast of feel good brain chemicals associated with falling in love rather than the long term commitment. When they see a perspective person, they begin fantasizing. The fantasies are often accompanied by purchases associated with a new relationship. Even before they meet the �love of their life�, their adrenalin and other brain chemicals are working overtime after being triggered by expectations. Their fantasies about what the new lover will be like, propels them into an emotional frenzy. These people find themselves reacting without thinking. Their thinking often becomes obsessive. While in this state, they are in a form of hypnotic trance. These people are more focused on romance than sex.
There are often periods when they will swear off the relationship. This is only temporary. Soon they are once again in the midst of extreme behaviors. They never seem to learn from their mistakes and repeat a binge and purge cycle. They often discover that they excuse dangerous or unacceptable behaviors and keep seeking interactions that are 'more' extreme.
The stimulation of hormones are a major factor in the affair addiction.The "excitant amine" hormone phenylethlamine (PEA) is a major culprit in these addictive processes.Phenylethylamine is a chemical relative of amphetamine. This is one of the chemicals that accelerates the flow of data between nerve cells. Other substances that are involved in the process are dopamine and norepinephrine. These are also chemical relatives of amphetamine. Although PEA is a major factor, other hormones also play a role in the development of addictions.Some of the other hormones include dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. Together they form a powerful chemical cocktail that changes human behavior.
Often times the affair is not driven by a dislike of the spouse, but rather by the addictive processes driven by the hormones mentioned above
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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This has got to be a joke No - the joke is advising dishonesty in direct opposition to MB concepts. THAT is the joke here. No joke. Sorry. Why hurt someone to make yourself feel better? Nothing but pure selfishness. Thats real world advice not MB cyberspace advice
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Why hurt someone to make yourself feel better?
Which is a MARRIAGE BUILDING tool.
For MARRIAGE BUILDERS
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I agree with you in part Romeo, at this point you are dancing on the line, but I dont think you have committed adultery. A whole lot of people chat up ex's with no intent of it going anyfurther and usually realize its a good idea to stop. Excuse me? This is an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. It is just as harmful as a physical affair, if not worse. Do you know how many marriages on this forum that were WRECKED by emotional affairs?  Okay, I'm late to this party but I need to make just 2 quick comments: Mel, thank you for reminding one and all that an emotional affair (EA) is as DEVASTATING to the betrayed spouse as a physical affair (PA), and can have the same disastrous cosequences. I have heard so many times lines such as 'but she didn't sleep with him' or 'you're lucky - they only chatted and talked on the phone'. LUCKY? It's EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY and I can tell you it hurts real, real bad. Please, NotRomeo, don't say 'nothing happened'. That's a lie, and what happened is very, very hurtful to your wife. Second, and this is close to home for me too, get the heck off FaceBook. What are you 15 years old? Nothing good can come of it. Spend the time having a conversation with your wife. That's what she deserves. Ok, I lied - 3 quick comments - NotRomeo, some folks on here can be a little ummm blunt. That's a real good thing because that's what you need. They are blunt, and they are also very, very good at what they do, and that is to help build good marriages. Good luck, God Bless
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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Yes - its a beautiful THEORY isn't it
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Yes - its a beautiful THEORY isn't it
to learn
MARRIAGE BUILDERS CONCEPTS AND FUNDAMENTALS
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He has already hurt his wife by withdrawing his thoughts and attention away from her, not to mention the time he spent on Facebook with the OW. His behavior toward her has probably changed, as well, and not for the better.
More than likely, his wife is already wondering what's up...what SHE'S done to make him change toward her. Knowing the truth will only HELP her. She needs to know that SHE is not imagining things and that SHE is not to blame for the way he is treating her.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Why hurt someone to make yourself feel better? Nothing but pure selfishness. Thats real world advice not MB cyberspace advice Here's some real world advice that just happens to line up with MB... When I found out about Flicks A, I was almost nauseated at knowing his workmates had known and didnt tell me. I was extremely hurt by their apparently laughing at the stupid dumb wife who couldn't see what was going on under her nose. His wife deserves to know exactly what her H is saying about her. Otherwise her ideas and beliefs about her M are a lie. Why shouldn't she be able to choose whether or not she wants to remain married to someone who seems to feel so little about her.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Yes - its a beautiful THEORY isn't it Yes with much real world evidence to support it. Unlike your OPINIONS which have been pulled out of somewhere.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 940
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He has already hurt his wife by withdrawing his thoughts and attention away from her, not to mention the time he spent on Facebook with the OW. His behavior toward her has probably changed, as well, and not for the better.
More than likely, his wife is already wondering what's up...what SHE'S done to make him change toward her. Knowing the truth will only HELP her. She needs to know that SHE is not imagining things and that SHE is not to blame for the way he is treating her. As a Betrayed Spouse, I can say that this is 100% true. He needs to tell his wife what has been going on. All of it.
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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myfamilyilove- I am sorry that MB did NOT work for you. It saddens me when ANY M ends. Just because you didn't get YOUR desired outcome does NOT mean that MB concepts do NOT work. There are many people who have recovered their marriages using these concepts and others who have personal recovery when their M couldn't be R. DrH outlines the BEST chance to save a M from A and to give someone advice on this site that goes AGAINST MB concepts is a disservice to that person.
Last edited by Scotland; 03/11/10 10:19 PM.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Why hurt someone to make yourself feel better? Nothing but pure selfishness.
Lies require more lies on top of lies.
Lies KILL intimacy.
I might ask:
"Why lie to your spouse to make yourself feel better?
Nothing but pure selfishness."
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If you look back at your OWN posts when you first got here I think you have NO RIGHT to attack people who also tried to help you. Is that what this is about? Are you MAD at THEM for their advice and for what you thought was a sure thing and it wasn't.
NOROMEO- YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR WIFE.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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BTW myfamilyilove- would you have felt better if you DIDN'T find out about your own WW AFFAIRS? Do you think YOU would be better off?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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MFIL,
As interesting as it is to hear your opinions and why they dont line up with MB, even though you are posting on MB, this is Romeo's thread, and he might find it more helpful if people talked to him, rather than you.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Yes - I look back at how pathetic I was. I was AFRAID of change. I would rather a WW than for my life to change. That was the only reason I wanted to save the M. I actually cringe now even thinking about it!
I am DELIGHTED I didn't get stuck with a WW. Thankfully she did not want to be married. A BS wants to save the M because they are scared pure and simple!
We all deserve better
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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BTW myfamilyilove- would you have felt better if you DIDN'T find out about your own WW AFFAIRS? Do you think YOU would be better off? If it had ENDED then I would not want to know. Ignorance is bliss
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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****edit****
Last edited by Dufresne; 03/11/10 10:32 PM. Reason: disrespectful
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