So I recently found out that my husband and partner of 12 years has had an emotional and physical affair with a woman almost twice my age. (I am 31). He confessed it to me, as I tricked him into telling me.
He did it while he was away on business, and it continued on and off for about a year.
Unfortunately for me I raided his email and found their love letters to eachother. I also found on phone records that he spent hours and hours texting and calling her. He wrote to her about how much he loved her and missed her. His emails were sexual as well.
I must mention that he betrayed me like this when I was pregnant with his son.
I am so hurt and betrayed.
Some days I feel like I can get past this and then other days I am right back to square one.
Just even last night I asked him if she did not live so far away, if he would have still ended his affair. He flipped out on me and cancelled our dinner reservations. Then and now he is giving ME the silent treatment.

Is there something really wrong here? After all he has done to me and the enormous emotional pain and burden I carry, he is acting so impatient and unfeeling.

We do have 2 children together, one is only 3 months old!!

Please help me sort through my feelings.

ls, sorry you are here.

Is the OW married?

Is the affair still ongoing?

Do they EVER see or talk to each other in any capacity?

Hi

Yes she is married...with 2 children.

He says the affair is over, that it's long over. I have emails from 2008. I believe their last contact was in January 2009, when he told her that I knew about their affair. Honestly I was SO STUPID, I let him off the hook so easily. The actual d-day was about 2 weeks ago when he confessed to everything (I tricked him into telling me).

She lives about 11 hours from us so they do not see eachother as far as I know.

Gotcha. The first step is to call the OW's husband without telling your H and telling him about the affair. I would disguise your # using *67 and call his house. OR you can call him at work. Tell him your full name and phone #, inform him of all the details you have of the affair and offer to send him the emails from 2008.

Do you have the emails in a safe place so your H cannot find them and destry them?

It sounds from your other post that they are still in contact? Is that correct?

They are still in contact and he is assuring her that he has successfully shut you up.

He swears they have not had contact since 2009. I check his emails and phone and it looks clean but who knows right?

Should i trust what he's saying to me? Why would he continue this affair if it can't go anywhere and she lives so far away.

I am afraid to call her husband. (yes i do have the emails). I am not sure that that is the best Christian thing to do. It could ruin her family and she has children.
My husband will be so angry at me for contacting him.

You said on the other thread that he JUST RECENTLY contacted her.


Affairs continue via phone, email, online all the time. Of course you shouldn't trust a liar. That is silly.


It would be unChristian to NOT TELL HIM. Her husband can�t very well protect himself and his children from your husband and his sleazy wife if he doesn�t know the danger. If your neighbor�s bookkeeper had stolen his money would you say it is �unChristian� to warn him that he is being harmed behind his back?

How is it Christian to hide evil? Affairs thrive on secrecy, so all you are doing by helping them hide their secret is making it easier for them to resume their affair and DESTROY both your marriages and your children�s families. That is not �Christian� that is EVIL.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

You said on the other thread that he JUST RECENTLY contacted her.


Yes..he texted her right in front of me when I told him that I had called her. He texted her "don't worry about anything" then he erased the message. I'm actually not sure what he wrote, that's what he told me he wrote.

You have that backwards. It is adultery and dishonesty that ruins families. And by hiding this from your H's victim, you give the affair POWER.


Thats ok. He will get over it when he is truly repentant. You will help bring him to that point by exposing his crime to his victim.

As I said, he is still in touch with his lover. And since your husband is a liar you have no way of knowing what he really said or if contact is ended. How would you know?

Have you been tested for STDs?

How nice of you to worry about ruining her family by telling her husband the truth of his life. Too bad she didn't worry about ruining your family and children's future.

And are you saying that hubby cheated on you both times you were carrying his child and had the nerve to cancel dinner reservations when you questioned him?

Sounds to me like not much of a recovered marriage - expose the affair and make it uncomfortable for the affairees. The Christian thing to do is to tell the truth and protect both families.

Hubby will get furious, but then, he is mad at you for nothing right now, so might as well do the right thing and shine light on his dirty secret.

Is it possible he could really want to start over and he is telling me the truth? He said she has not responded and I checked his phone bill too. It looks clean. BUT now he has changed his password on his phone account so I can't see his call records.
And yeah...I just had a baby so I know I am clean as of now.

What would be the point of his carrying on this affair? She lives hours and hours away and is 50. (I am 31)

He is hiding his affair. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

They are tricking you, playing you for a fool.

He cheated on me when I had his first son.

When I was 6 months pregnant.

No, you should trust nothing that comes out of his mouth. He is a wayward. Waywards are liars.
He continues the A because it meets some emotional needs for him.
Calling the OWH won't ruin their family - having an unfaithful spouse will.
Your WH should be angry at himself for putting all of you in this position.
OWH needs to know that his W is an adulterer.That is the RIGHT thing to do, irrespective of religion.

ls, look at his ACTIONS. Don't listen to his words. He had an affair, he immediately texts his mistress when he finds out you have called her. He then changes the password on his cell phone so he can hide from you.

And you ask if he is "sincere?"

hon, you are going to have to wake up here and stop being so gullible if you want to make it. You are making the mistake of focusing on his lying words, rather than his ACTIONS.

So you think they still have contact? When would he see her? I don't understand... She literally lives 11 hours away and he started with her on a business trip.

He said he immediately texted her so that family business relations would not be sacrificed. There are other family members whose income could be affected by this and he said that he did not want to harm that...
she is in a position of somewhat power over whether our family gets business or not.

I don't understand what you don't understand. You already know they had an affair and live 11 hours away. Living 11 hours away did not stop them before. It won't stop them now. People have affairs all the time who live far away.


It doesn't matter if the affair is over or not. What matters is that the truth comes out. The whole family should be told in addition to her husbnad.

Your H is very scared and very nervous about protecting his affair.

You are helping him in that regard. You are protecting his affair for him.

Yikes! Your wayward put his family in the position of being harmed financially by his foolish decisions, and is now in position of being blackmailed forever?? And NOW he wants to do damage control because of this sudden concern?? All the more reason to expose immediately and end any possibility of a lifetime of being yoked to this woman.