Highlighted for emphasis.

I love K&A, and Jean babeedoll, he is not worthy of your pee.

I agree!

Jean, I'm not sure if I saw this on your thread or another, but it's worth repeating. Have you seen this place:
http://cleaningforareason.org/

It offers free house cleaning for women undergoing cancer treatment.

Hi Jean-

I just wanted to add my two cents about this statement as a former chemo patient



I don't know where you are in your treatments, but I found that being in the presence of others was very draining on me. It was as if just being around other people's energy made me feel more fatigued that normal, even my mother (which wasn't easy on her, but I really didn't need her to come and help, since my DD then24 was home with a back injury and my DS then 15 was capable of making his own dinner-even if it was mac n cheese...).

What I am saying is, take care of you. Your kids will be better off if you are feeling okay than having their very "part time" dad for Christmas. He is a visitor in their lives.

Hang in there-

Well, kids came home from exH.

He did change his mind and will NOT be coming over Christmas morning. I guess my request that he not be a jerk was too much for him to handle.

His new proposed schedule involves screwing up all the extended families' celebrations with the children.

It must really suck to be him and be so full of vile... Oh, and he wants to call me later regarding Christmas presents. I guess he will ask me who his kids are so he knows what to buy them.

After discussing it with the kids, I offered him a very generous schedule, my priority being getting the kids to my Mom's on Christmas Day.

He called back later with a more generous offer, which is in compliance with the court order.

He bought the kids a great gift, and he wished me a "Merry Christmas". He was a human being and it made me cry.

Him being human is totally out of my comfort zone.

I hate this.

Edited to add: my gut feeling says his GF put him up to playing human, or maybe I just need to believe that since I am so much more comfortable with him being in jerk mode.

Just sticking this in my thread to reflect on it next time I feel compelled to communicate with a waynerd. Thanks to whomever recommended the book:

From The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner

Even if you speak with love and respect-recognizing the wrong-doer�s full humanity beyond the bad deeds-he may never hear you. So don�t speak because you need an apology or validation. Rather, speak to focus on what you need to say about yourself, for yourself. Longing for a genuine apology or an affirming response is totally understandable, but unrealistic when you enter a conversation with someone who has betrayed you. The only reason to speak is because you need to speak.

If you decide to open up any painful and loaded issue, let go of any expectations of getting the response you want. We will always come from a more solid place if we speak to preserve our own well-being and integrity and refused to be silenced by fear-not because we need a genuine apology from the other person or expect to have our reality validated. Neither may be forthcoming, now or ever.

So keep these points in mind: No individual will feel accountable and able to apologize-no matter how we communicate-if doing so threatens to define her in an unacceptable or intolerable way. The other person�s willingness to own up to harmful deeds has nothing to do with how much she does or doesn�t love you. Rather, the capacity to take responsibility and feel remorse is related to how much self-love and self-respect that person has available to draw on. We don�t have the power to bestow those traits on anyone but ourselves. We can only keep the other person�s full humanity in mind and never forget that every human being is better and more complex than the worst things he or she has done.

Hello Jean,

Long time no see ... I should pop in more often, eh.

Anyway, I am so sorry to hear of your illness. My mom had breast cancer too. I know it's been a long road for you.

Listening to your story 3 years later concerning your wEx, it goes to show some WW's never change. Having now to deal with visitation issues is difficult when WW defies all court orders. If I took WH back to court for every time he violated the order, we'd be in court every other month. I just document, and when I'm ready I will go in with all at once.


How I needed to hear this today. Thankyou.

Praying for you.

Hi Ladysheep, so good to hear from you!!!

It doesn't sound like you situation is steller, I hope that improves in the new year.

Thanks for stopping by.

I have discomfort, my discomfort is caused by wanting people to be different than who they are.

My kids don't want to live with their Dad full time if something should happen to me. That is incredibly sad to me. I can't put into words how sad that makes me, for my children and for him.

My sister is still in la-la land, her children are hurting, her OD gets teased on the bus by cruel girls that know that her Mom ran off with a neighbor. Wayward sis had her YD around OM recently. Cruelty, unbelieveably cruel.

I want them to be different people and that causes me discomfort, no pain, can't sleep, knot in my stomach pain. I really feel that greed and desire is one of the most common causes of personal pain. I really try hard not to want stuff, to avoid discomfort.

I want them to be different and I am trying to make peace with who they are.

And seeing their behavior and the pain it causes makes me feel even more guilty for my past.

Well I am kinda bummed that an OW thread got locked, but I got something good out of it anyway. I don't know how to save marriages, but I do know how to survive adultery and I know how to stop being a 'ho.

Maybe I could change two ho's and they would change two ho's and so on and so on and the world would be rid of ho's!

Maybe I was just invested in the thread since my sister had done the same thing and we are estranged.

I had a funny thing happen yesterday. exWH called me and I didn't even recognize his number! That has to count as growth! Right??

But then my home phone rang this morning, bill collector for exWH. I don't know why I answer that phone, it is always a telemarketer or one of his bill collectors. And yes, I have changed my home phone number since the divorce.

Cancer treatment is plugging along. had a CT and PET scan yesterday, they couldn't find my kidney, hope I wasn't abducted my aliens and body parts harvested.

How do you not find a kidney?!

Pepperband: Thanks for the hug, I needed that.

Karmarose: Who knows, I was on the table and the tech comes in and asked me "Have you had a kidney removed?" Huh??? I am sure it is in there somewhere and I will not entertain the notion that it has been affected by the cancer. I see the oncologist on the 9th, no worries until then.

((((Jean)))),

Baby sis checking in on ya....

An alien took your kidney???....was it a "Fourth Dimension" kinda ordeal??...maybe sis or WXH came in and drugged you in your tea, took ya to the mother ship and donated it to them in trade for their brains back??....

Or maybe.....just maybe your kidney is camera shy???..... , kinda like it hadn't Goddessyed up enough???...was it wearing its tiara????.....

Ok, is all my joking ill-timed???.....if so, my only intention was to break ya a smile....

Kudos of the lack of recognition on that number......yet so sad.....you are still in my prayers girl....

Oh, and I wanted to comment on your last entry. Please do not beat yourself up anymore because of what your sister is doing. Her actions are not your actions. Her guilt in not yours......Its okay to realize that what she is doing is wrong and that you, yourself traveled down that path, but you are no longer on it. You righted your path, which if you ask me.....Is the greatest testament to YOU. I pray one day your sis will return to reality....

((((((((JEAN)))))))))

love ya more than my luggage.....Not2fun

Not: me AND my camera shy kidney thank-you.

You have a good point, what if the wayward mother ship took my kidney to study and find out what makes me so darn judgemental about adultery. All my waynerds think I shouldn't throw stones.

Jean,

Are you sure you didn't donate it to WH and you just forgot? Just think, you could now demand it back because he left you.

Seriously, I am glad that you are doing well. And I am so proud of you for not even recognizing the number. Now THAT is progress girlfriend. Now that you know the number - BLOCK IT!

Chai: Hey! How's it going, thanks for "stopping by" my thread.

Interesting morning. First, I had a dream involving my wayward sister. I was talking to her OM and he was apologizing and setting his life straight. He also said that sister is too far gone and will never admit her errors .

Second, I was catching up with her BH, my BIL. He was saying that I needed to be open to reconciling with sister. He wasn't going to tell me anymore divorce crap since he didn't want me to be further jaded.

So she still has this enormous sense of entitlement, wants alimony and no debt. And BIL is right, it does make me less likely to ever try to repair our relationship.

As long as she is shagging OM in the house her BH is helping to pay for, I don't want her in my life.

Maybe you lost it in the divorce settlement, Jean. (-:

God's Blessings,

Say