Okay. I just hate paying those bloodsucking lawyers.

It would cost a LOT more if you don't do it before hand and then have to fight to get them home. I don't just mean money either.

Life is what it is.

You need to get your butt online and start reading custody law in your state. There are ALWAYS sites where that is explained.

You don't want to wake up one morning with your yaha in your hand and your kids 800 miles away. Right?

Larry

I know. But I'm quite certain she won't take them anywhere until school is out in May. So I have a little time.

That's the thing. I feel like she thinks she's gonna just be free to go after school lets out. And she's applying for teaching jobs in NY that would start in September. This is her goal: to take the kids and move up their and start teaching in September.

As Pep has always told me, "isn't it good to know your enemies plans ahead of time? This way you can PLAN." Okay maybe that wasn't a quote, but the sentiment is the same.

Well, she is wayward. But she has stated on several occasions that she's not going to run away with the kids.

Right now, the sitch I'm facing is that OM seems to not be communicating with her and she is having mad withdrawals.

She went a few weeks in February with NC. Then she wrote him when one of her cousins got really sick. And he wrote back.

Then her email to him said , "You've been my best friend, lover and kindred spirit these last two years and that is why I still miss you." This was on Feb. 24 and I do not believe they have been in contact since.

I don't understand. Do you believe that she is trying to move to NY, or she WON'T leave with the kids? Which one is it?

I suppose her wayward ideal would be to get a job offer, sell the house and take the kids to NY so she could start work in September.

And then she would want me to relocate with my job to NY so that I wouldn't be too far away from the kids.

And is this part of YOUR plan? What are you willing to do? Would you move 800 miles away just because she wanted to move.

My plan would be to keep our family together. I would move back to NY to do that.

The problem for me is finding a job in NY in this economy. I could possibly transfer with my company, but that could be risky because we've had a bunch of layoffs over these past few years.

If you were to follow MB concepts and did start to recover your M this would have to be a choice that is made using POJA. There would have to be an ENTHUSIASTIC Agreement between BOTH of you. If there isn't a POJA, it can lead to resentment. That would be a bad thing.

I was just thinking of it in a way where you would protect yourself so you wouldn't have to worry about the decisions you make as being affected by fear of what WW might do.

I know. It's confusing. I spend half of my day just trying to figure out what she could be planning. She is very confused and seeing things with very rose-colored glasses.

We both really love NY. So I would be happy to move up there. But we have a home with an upside down mortgage here. And my job is here.

How do I keep pushing for a NC letter without her feeling like I'm pressuring her into it?

Right now she is in NC, but I think that is not her doing. I believe OM went to NC because I exposed to his parents.

TE

You gave her until Friday to recommit to M. Which date was that? Did it go by already without her commitment? My point is unless you are ready to enforce your chosen consequences do not make demands.

Has she written NC letter? Tell her what I told my ww- "If OM really loves you he will wait for you to figure out if you can be happy in your marriage." This just buys time but precious time. Give her a sample NC letter but tell her you expect to approve anything she sends to him. When he gets the NC letter expect him to try to contact her again and try to prepare her for that and develop a plan to deal with it.

Thinking back my WW was soooooooooooooooo pathetic around the end of the A. Her- "I just need to write him one more email to tell him blah blah blah." After awhile I just became numb to it. Absolutely pathetic.

But don't stop with plan A, making deposits and speaking her love language. That is your offense. Your defense is no LBing, bring truth and boundaries without emotional drama, and have TONS of self confidence! WIN! For her, for your marriage and your children.

I told her that we need to decide soon. She said maybe we should just pick a date. And I said okay.

Later that night she said, how about Friday 3/19? I said okay.

The next day after that discussion, I told her that I thought this Friday was too soon, that she has only been in No Contact for a few weeks and she is still in withdrawals so we should wait to make any final decisions until the withdrawals have subsided.

She has not yet agreed to write a NC letter.

NEVER suggest to your WW that if OM really loves her he will wait to see if her M works out!!!!!!! That plants the seed that A. He is waiting for her and B. He actually loved her.

God's Blessings,

Say

What does she need to do to ensure you that she is committed to the marriage?

To me words are just words, they can be lies or the truth, I just don't know. On the other hand, actions speak much louder than words. What is it that you are looking for? I would like to hear it defined.

What happens if she does not meet your list of conditions that show she is working toward for the marriage? Are these consequences vengence driven, or are they natural occurences that just should happen, you just don't protect her from these consequences anymore? Like she gets picked up for drunk driving and put in jail. Instead of bailing her out you say, "This is something you have to deal with."

First, I would like her to end the affair once and for all.

OM seems to have ended the affair since I exposed to his parents. But WW keeps trying to entice him into conversation via email.

An NC letter. Yes. That would be a nice place to start.

Then after the withdrawals subside, I'd like to discuss with her where we go from here.