Is there a way to smile and say how great she looks in the bikini, but not to compromise the spying?....like can you somehow catch her watching it, look over her shoulder and say, "Boy you look great! That other man though, it really hurts me seeing you hang all over him like that."

Hmm. She's not going to watch it while I'm home. I could pull it up from her browser history, but it takes a password to play the video. She would definitely question how I got access to it.

I've told her so many times that I don't want her involved in this project anymore, for the fact that it stars the OM! Yet her enabling cousin, continues to push it forward.

Delete It!!!

That thought did cross my mind. They could just upload it again though. It's on YouTube. It would mess with their heads a little though.

Just off the cuff...
If its on YouTube and you can post comments I would suggest EXPOSING on You Tube by way of a comment like "its too bad my wife is having such a great time with another man instead of her husband."

Or maybe something like:

"Great to see my wife having such a fun time cheating on her husband and destroying her family. Our children will be so proud of their mom."

Yeah... I just don't think I've got the nerve to do that. And I'm not sure what it would gain besides making me look psycho.

And really, that wouldn't expose to anyone because it is a private video that needs a password and everyone with the password knows of the affair.

Although it is tempting, it's probably not plan A.

""Great to see my wife having such a fun time cheating on her husband and destroying her family. Our children will be so proud of their mom."

Comment on youtube sounds like a plan.

I wouldn't do anything about the video at this point.

I would file it in my informational pile of knowledge and keep my eyes open for more info and try to plan A like crazy.

Yeah, I know. Take the high road... but at least I can daydream about saying a bunch of vengeful stuff, can't I?

TE,

Now that the most recent piece of hurtful trigger stuff is out of the way...

What are her top 3 ENs? What are her top 5? What are you doing to meet those ENs?

What fun recreational event do you have planned that will allow you to enjoy being together without talking about the relationship instead of just enjoying being in the relationship?

What can you do today to get you through the day being her knight in shining armor without love busting over any aspect of the affair or mentioning how she hurt you?

What I am driving at here is that you need to do things that make her want to be with you rather than things that make her want to get away from you. That is sort of the whole point, yanno?

Read my Managing Memories link in my sig line, even if you have already read it. The way to stop the emotional rollercoaster is to start thinking about something more pleasant and enjoyable whenever something negative comes up. You actually have over a full minute to recognize the negative and actively change what you are thinking about, but you have to know what you will think about instead so you don't go down the affair road all the time because that road always leads to memories and feelings of the affair.

The video, which you just saw and which the enabling friend sent is absolutely new to you...

But it is actually old news. You saw it yesterday but it didn't happen yesterday.

The friend probably has no clue she is enabling. She's as oblivious to your pain as someone who doesn't know you exist. She didn't send the video to set you off and cause you to have a horrible day. She didn't even know you would see it. She sent it because she doesn't know any better.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

What are your Plan A steps for today?

You can't just linger longer so you have to maximize your presentation. Think selling to a reluctant customer with a room full of people waiting. Pitch>CLOSE. If no agreement takes place Pitch>CLOSE. Overcome objection>pitch>CLOSE. Always be closing. Closing is asking for the sale.

You need to sell yourself first...

Mark

Mark, awesome stuff. Thank you yet again.

Another okay day. WW and I talked on the phone a couple times during the course of the day.

When I came home from work we had some good conversation. This is one of her top ENs.

Put the kids down to bed. Had dinner together. Watched a little tube and had some more conversation.

Not a bad night. Although there was no kiss goodnight.

I just get the feeling she�s going along with the Plan A stuff, but is being standoffish because she doesn�t want to hurt me anymore.

I think she is being pleasant in return to my Plan A, just so that we can have an amicable divorce in the next few months.

Again though, NC still in place. And some conversation was initiated on her part.

Why do you think she wants to D? Has she made any moves in that direction since NC? Because I doubt that she will D without OM in the wings. (Or did I miss a post, which is entirely likely, and if so I apologize )

Well, in her mind OM may still be in the wings. I believe they are in NC, but that seems to be his doing. For all I know, he could have said he didn't want to be involved with her until she gets a D.

That said, the fog does seem to be lifting a bit, but she is still giving me very little physical affection.

She has met with a lawyer, but got freaked out when they talked about child custody.

She definitely will have a hard time giving up her enabling friend which is one of my requirements for reconciliation.

So I honestly just can't gauge what she wants to do and I'm not sure she knows yet.

Another decent day and night. NC still in place. And progress seems to be being made.

I cam home early from work so I could take the kids for a while and give WW a break.

I turned off the TV tonight before we got started watching anything just to get more UA time.

I did a lot of domestic work�dishes, laundry, cleaning up�and WW thanked me for that tonight when she kissed me goodnight.

I would say it was a successful day in Plan A. The importance of NC really cannot be overestimated.

A day closer to the end...

No backwards movement. Maybe a little forward.

Little victories that add up over time.

Mark

More of the same. Another decent day of Plan A. No LBs. Slow and steady.

I hope everything goes well my husband had an affair with my sister. About a year ago and I just found out a month ago and I found this sight immediately. I think it has helped I ordered the book surviving an affair we talk we touch I understand your pain because sometime I can't feel anything don't forget I just found out I don't know how long you and your wife have been working it out but I think it can happen. I thought my marriage was perfect I didn't know what went wrong, he says we stopped giving each other affection. That's it. So I'm going to incourage it. Take care. Try that's all you can do and it just might make you and your wife have a better marriage and perception of each others needs.

I told my husband I get it that they was playing around got excited but at the point of him asking her if she wanted to do the dead was he thinking? Is it possible he doesn't remember or just doesn't want to tell me I think that this is something important for me to know what exactly was he thinking? He says he wasn't thinking anything but I'm not a young stupid girl and I told him he was thinking something to forget he was married. What do you think?