Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by sunshine4848
And I have to say my BF was married before and said he never wanted to get remarried again...

Well, there you are.
He did not want the rights or the responsibilities of marriage.
You heard it from the horse's mouth, plain as day.. and you pretended it meant something else.
You pretended he wanted a commitment, just not marriage.

He wanted to rent a relationship with you.
And, what is worse, he wanted to rent a relationship with your granddaughter. naughty Which, you allowed.



Quote
So my BF said it was no problem for him... Said we didn't need a peace of paper for our relationship to be commited..

A "piece of paper" can be VERY important.
If it were not for "a piece of paper", YOU would not be the LEGAL parent of your granddaughter.

Without that "piece of paper" your boyfriend is NOT her daddy.
Without that "piece of paper", he is not your husband.
No child support responsibility, no visitation rights.

Without my "piece of laminated paper" I cannot legally drive my car.
I have many other "pieces of paper".
My professional licenses.
Without those, I would be unable to diagnose/prescribe/examine.

Pieces of paper are not worthless.
Try getting on an airline carrier, without a piece of paper ! MrRollieEyes



Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by saynomore
I am so sorry but your problems are so much bigger than e-mail jokes sent to his OW, it is your whole "relationship" and the the way it started.

Saynomore, you are very astute.
You recognized the pattern here.
Sunshine concentrates on the minutiae.
Sunshine ignores the larger picture.

I think you nailed it, and I did not.
It's not "pretending" that is the core failure here ... I was incorrect.


Sunshine moves from one small piece to another small piece, without ever stepping back to look at the BIG PICTURE in life.

Bravo hurray Saynomore !!



Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
I have never told the child he is her daddy and nither has he..
She just started calling him that about a year ago...
She knows BF is my BF...
Have never pretended he is more...
He has just been here since her birth....
She knows she has a birth mom and dad I have told her that...
She has asked and I have been honest with her I do not lie to her...
She has asked questions like
did she come from my belly...

I tell her NO

I tell her that I love her and take care of her like a real mommy does... I tell her because she did not come from my belly does not mean I don't love her as if she did...

I tell her the truth...

I have had her to talk to people ( doctors )
they are the ones that have told me we need to work this out here if we can for her...

I am doing what I feel I need to do here
I am sorry you feel I am doing other wise
or maybe not handling it in the right way

And It has been taken care of if something was to happen to me...
And my brother will not stop letting her see the BF

that has been talked about much...

My brother has even asked if it would be better to leave her with BF and him over see what is going on...

Asked me if that would be better for her...


Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
MARRIAGE BUILDERS
has a wealth of concepts intended to improve marriages.

Take advantage.
Read everything.


The best book for you to read.(because you are NOT married)

BUYERS, RENTERS, and FREELOADERS
Here's the link.

BUY THIS BOOK !

Best of luck to you.



Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
I Have Looked at the big Picture here
is a look at my BIG Picture...

I have very small family

mom dad in there 80s

I have ( One brother )that is in his 50s
his wife in her 50s they have never had children...
didn't want any...

That is It... There isn't any more god only knows I wish there was...

So if something was to happen to me
I don't have a lot of choices here...

the child see's my brother and his wife once a year or less...
she really doesn't even know them...
They live many states away...

She only knows my mom and dad
then me and my BF

to her that is all she know
that is her family..
Not like I am here because I chose to be
I have NO other choices

My only other choice here would to be let the state take her
and hope for the best.

If something was to happen to me
I don't even want to think about that...
makes me sick to think about it...

Her birth mom a crack addict with police record
he birth dad has a police record that would take you 20 pages to print...

Please if you have any ideas I am willing to listen....
Yes Bf had an affair after 10 years together
says he is sorry
wants to be here loves us
and without him my little choices gets even smaller...


I hope you can understand that...
IO am not blind here at least I hope I am not...









Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Sunshine - I really feel for you because it does seem that you need some help. I've been thinking about your situation for a couple of days, and here is my suggestion.

Since BF told you when he was moving back in that he is going to pay you $500. a month, be sure you get that from him. If he is a freeloader, which many here suspect, then he will have some excuse not to live up to his promise. Then you will know that you are dealing with a freeloader, and can make the proper decision.

On the other hand, if he does give you the rent, then use the money for a couple of phone sessions with the Harleys. They are experts and can turn really desperate situations around.

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 122
That is a very good idea

Thank You

He will give me the money he all ways did in the time that we were here before he left....

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
Shucks, Pep. blush

God's Blessings,

Say


Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 9
J
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
J
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 9
I know how you feel! I so desperately wanted to know what the OW looked like - thinking she must be gorgeous etc. When I saw her I couldn't believe it. She is 10 years older than me and extremely plain,

Men have affairs for their own egos! My husband is better than average looking and his OW buttered him up with compliments and showered him with gifts - even bought him a $1000 Tag watch!

Insecurities and egos cause a lot of pain to others.


Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 358 guests, and 58 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
MillerStock, Mrs Duarte, Prime Rishta, jesse254, Kepler
71,946 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Happening again
by happyheart - 03/08/25 03:01 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by BrainHurts - 02/20/25 11:51 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5